Porcelain or Stone
by What About Today
Summary: Someone loves. Someone is loved. That's not even. Demyx used to think it didn't need to be. But maybe... Maybe he needed a little love every now and then too... Zemyx. AU.
1. Prologue

**Porcelain or Stone**

Prologue: 

There he stood, small even for his young age, paler than the snow outside, with deep cobalt blue hair that fell limply in his once expressive violet hued eyes.

He stared, mouth hanging agar at the scene before him. There she lay, beautiful – just like when she was sleeping. There was silence in the little boy, tears long ago cried until there had been none left inside of him. She had been prettied up for this occasion. Why was it that the adults insisted that their last memories of her were like this: wearing make-up – she had never worn makeup, in that dress she had only worn once in her life – the boy remembered how she had hated it, those locks of dark brown hair, curled slightly, artificially. She had never worn her hair like that. Never.

She looked just like she was sleeping. But she wasn't. The small boy was no fool. He had been there. He knew. He had seen it first hand, and he would never forget the scream, the look of fear in her bright rust hued eyes. Eyes… that would never look at him again.

The small boy gasped, as her eyes slid open in his mind, not bright, not loving, glassed over with a milky quality, staring sightlessly into his once again tear-filled eyes. Dead.

X.x.X

Loneliness: Main entry: Lonely. It is an adjective, meaning being without company; cut off from others; not frequented by human beings: desolate. It means sad from being alone: lonesome; producing a feeling of bleakness or desolation.

Despair: in its noun form it is an utter loss of hope; or a cause of hopelessness. As a verb, it is to loose all hope or confidence.

These two words are often thought to be very nearly synonymous, in the feelings they invoke. I, however, disagree. I have understood the feelings invoked by the 'despair' for years upon years, but I am not, nor have I ever been brushed with the emotion of 'loneliness'. I have long ago lost hope, but never, have I lowered myself to longing for another person to stand beside me. I am alone in this world, and as long as I remember the difference between 'loneliness' and 'despair' I will never fall that far. Never.

I do not miss those who are no longer here. I do not long for those who blamed me for their leaving. I do not seek out those who told me there was nothing I could have done. In my waking moments, I know who I am and where I must go. Away. I can never stay in one place for too long. After all, companions made in any city will only chain me down and hold me back later. There is no need for me to get close.

Companionship: the fellowship existing among companions.

Fellowship: a company of equals or friends; the quality or state of being comradely; association

Association: something linked in memory or imagination with a thing or person; the process of forming mental connections or bonds between sensations, ideas, or memories.

Bond: something that binds or restrains; the systematic lapping of brick in a wall.

Restrain: to prevent from doing, exhibiting, or expressing something; to limit, restrict, or keep under control.

These are all dictionary definitions. Tell me, those of you who hold so dearly to your 'friends', and companions. How are such restricting things as companionships a positive attribute?

They aren't. If you are as old as I – old enough to understand much, but not yet old enough to attend a collage – and you still believe in companionship and love, I pity you. For you are so foolish that you will feel more despair and loneliness than anyone.

I do hope you know better. I learned quickly. At least, my conscious mind did. There are, regrettably, times when my sub consciousness combats reason, annoyingly showing me items of the past… that… I sometimes infer will lead to the end of me.

What comes of remembering such insecurities of a young child? I often scold myself upon waking in the early hours of the morning after such resurfacing memories. It means little, if anything at all.

As I walk into Midgar High for the first time, in the bustling and dangerous city, not feeling fear, not feeling _anything_, I will question my own sanity as much as I question the faulty logic involved with so much that the teens my age do in this place – and most others. Perhaps things will be quiet here. Perhaps there won't be so many unanswerable questions in this place…

Perhaps I am being foolish to hope.

X.x.X.x.X

There simply aren't enough stories for this couple! Anywhere! I fell in love with Zemyx first after seeing it as a side couple in many-an AkuRoku story. This is my very first fic with this pairing, so I'm pumped about it! XD

Yes I am aware of its brevity. It is just the prologue, though my friends, so have heart! My usual chapter length for this story is looking at being about seven or so pages at a time. Granted, some will be shorter, and some will far surpass that estimate for sure, but I know how people like to have an idea of what they're getting into.

So are you getting into this? R&R's are always more than welcome! Cyber cookies for all who press the pretty purple button! XD


	2. Chapter 1 Incipiency

Chapter One: Incipiency

"Hey, there! Can I sit here?"

I nodded without looking up from my book. Wheelock's Latin is a dry and boring title, but it had to do, as I had not been to the library yet since moving to the city. I heard the scraping of a chair across from my own, although it was muffled substantially by the deafening roar of the students as they hurried to their friends and lunch in the large school cafeteria.

"I don't think I've seen you around here before," the person asked, obviously unaware of my preferences to being without distraction when reading. I nodded. "So are you new or what?"

I looked up at him for the first time, to scowl and possibly leave. I wasn't eating anyway. I found myself staring into bright, vivid green eyes and a mane of untamable scarlet hued hair surrounding a tan face. The boy smiled a little, insincerely.

My own hair, cobalt blue in hue, although these days it had gathered some faint highlights of silver from a source unknown to me, covered one of my emotionless, cold violet eyes, leaving the other to freeze that stranger's fiery intentions where they stood. His smile faded slightly as he stared at me, faint recognition sweeping over his features.

"Oh!" He said suddenly. "You're in my biology class, aren't you? Zexion, wasn't it? Zexion Kurisaki?" I nodded. "Yeah, hey, I'm Axel Flint. Got it memorized?"

Suddenly I heard a laugh behind me and saw a tray of food fall to the table with a clack in the seat between me and the redhead's to my left. Another boy, mildly tall, plopped into the seat behind his meal and grinned at Axel. "You never change." He said happily before turning to face me.

"Hey there," he grinned again. It was then that I realized that this guy was my polar-opposite. He had straw-blond hair that was styled perfectly into a mow-hawk type of hair-do, little strands of it falling in front of his forehead, although none of it covered his bright eyes. They were a sort of odd hue, not really green, but not hazel either. They seemed to be something in between and absolutely overflowed with strong emotions. His skin was well tanned and his personality was almost painfully bright and cheerful. "So who're you?"

"That's a new kid in our year, Zexion Kurisaki. He's in my biology class." The redhead supplied.

"Nice to meet you!" The blond exclaimed, grinning wide enough that it made my jaw sore. "I'm Demyx Harper! Do you play an instrument?"

I shook my head and turned back to the book, trying to recollect myself. I wanted to be alone, but something about that bubbly blond make me think I would not be left to myself for the rest of the period. Apparently I was right.

"Oh, that's too bad. Me and Axel are music junkies. He plays the piano and I'm all about string instruments! You like to read?"

I didn't answer. It was obvious, wasn't it?

"That's cool. It's not my thing that much though… What cha' reading?"

I held the book up for him to see.

"Latin? Isn't that a dead language?"

"Yes, Demyx," Axel cut in with a slight sigh. "Let him read what he wants, alright? You read those stupid comics, after all."

"They're not stupid!" The blond insisted, "And they're not comics! The term is Manga, thank you very much!"

"Do the world a favor and shut the fuck up, Dem." Drawled in a new voice, as a third person sat in the last free seat at the table. She was a bit frightening in appearance, and both boys were certainly intimidated by her presence. She had very short blond hair that was all combed away from her pale face, and acid green hued eyes. Her voice was piercing and cold, but not in an emotionless sort of way.

"Shut up, Larxene." A fourth voice commanded, as a second blond teen dragged a chair away from another table to sit between the girl and Axel. "We've all heard plenty of your shrill complaints to last us a lifetime." His hair was very spiky and a few of these spikes fell in his attractive face. He was obviously quite a bit shorter and younger than the others, but still held some sort of standing in the group. His eyes were a deep ocean blue color, and I glared when they fell on me. "Who's this?" He asked the table, eyes never leaving the single one exposed by my hair.

"New kid," Axel repeated. This seemed to be a frequent occurrence for him. "Name's Zexion. How's life going for you, Roxas?"

I looked back to my book, ready to be left alone already, and my prayers were finally answered. The blond named Roxas' eyes slid away from me to speak to Axel, and I zoned out all conversation from then until the bubbly boy, Demyx poked my side.

I snapped my book shut and glared directly into those uniquely hued eyes.

"What classes do you have?" He asked brightly, completely unfazed by my furious look. I whipped my schedule out of my pocket and shoved it at him. I didn't have time for this. He looked it over for a moment before brightening visibly and handing the page back to me. "We share three classes!" He exclaimed. "Gym, history and English! Ooh, and we have free period at the same time too!"

I wanted to die. I didn't want to know anyone in any of my classes, and something told me that this kid, Demyx was not about to leave me alone any time soon.

X.x.X

I was right.

"Okay, class. We have an odd-ball out for this game. Zexion, is it?" The gym teacher announced boldly. He was a large and muscular man with dark chocolate hued skin and deep brown eyes. One of his arms shown in the late summer afternoon light metallically. I nodded.

"Ooh! Ooh! Coach! We'll take him! Pick us! We'll take him!" Shouted the blond I knew I was going to hate before the day was over.

"Are you sure?" The man belted back before leading me over to where Demyx and a few other teens stood. "He doesn't speak," The coach explained, quieter now, so that most of the other students couldn't hear.

All of the teens that heard stared at me. Demyx, who seemed to bounce back from deal-breaking situations like this looked at me for a moment, as if expecting me to laugh and shout out, "April Fools!" When I didn't, he looked back to the coach again and smiled a wide smile.

"Of course, Coach Barret. We'd love to have the new kid, wouldn't we, guys?"

No one said anything. The coach shrugged it off and left me with the staring teens regardless, ignoring me for the rest of the period.

"Hey, you! Mute! Hey!" One of the boys in that class shouted after me just after the bell rang. I turned angrily, hating him for the nickname. He had silvery hair and cool aquamarine hued eyes. I remembered his name was Riku. Demyx had introduced me to his group, all of whom seemed to hate me so soon after being introduced. It sure was a good thing I didn't give a rat's ass if anyone liked me. "Demmy's looking for you, okay? So go meet him by the gym."

I said nothing. Riku didn't expect me to, after all. After a moment of silent glaring, Riku scoffed and muttered, "You are such a stick in the mud. Come on, Mute, you have things to do before last period. With Demyx." He shoved me back the way I had come. I walked several steps angrily, pissed because I was smaller and weaker than the bullying boy.

I turned a corner and came face to face with none other than Demyx Harper. Of course.

"Hi." He said, grinning a painfully wide grin. I didn't smile. "What's wrong?" He asked suddenly, the smile fading to be replaced by a look of worry. "Did someone say something to you? Something mean?"

I shook my head. No. I don't let people in. Ever. You're fighting a loosing battle here, Demyx Harper. I don't like people. People don't like me. Therefore, I take care of myself and _only myself_. I don't require yours – or anyone else's sympathy.

"It was Riku, wasn't it?" Demyx said softly. I didn't move an inch. "Look, ignore the things he says. He doesn't mean it. He doesn't know what it's like to be different from the in-crowd. Okay?" I glared at him coldly. He either didn't notice my expression, or he didn't much care because the next thing he did was grin at me again, and conclude with, "I'll talk to him later if you want, but right now I've got something awesome to show you!"

He grabbed my wrist, ignoring my subconscious flinch, and dragged me though the crowded hallways, down a flight of stairs and out a side door into the warm not-quite-autumn-yet air.

"This is my favorite place…" Demyx said, suddenly very quiet and perhaps a bit withdrawn when he tugged me out of the building and into instant woods.

It was lovely. Thick greenery surrounded the school building on this side, huge trees towered over head sealing away much of the sun, cooling the air a bit. The ground was soft with grass and pine needles and everything smelled fresh and beautiful.

"It's peaceful here." The blond beside me said, only then releasing my wrist. "If you ever need to be alone, or you're looking for me and can't find me, come here, okay? Most of the student body either hates the natural landscape, or doesn't know this is here."

I didn't know how to respond. So I just stood, stoically, waiting for the other to do something, or let me leave. He chose the former after a few moments of tranquil silence.

"Were you born silent?" He asked innocently. His eyes were clear and bright when they looked at me. I shook my head slowly. No one had ever heard this tale… "Do you suppose that you'd ever want to tell me the story?" I shook my head instantly, turned and left him there, for the library where I was going to find a better book to read then Wheelock's Latin.

X.x.X

The school day came to an end sluggishly, and I found myself walking down one of the many deserted hallways after the final bell. It was truly amazing how fast a school could empty at the end of the day. I paid little mind to anything around me as I walked, my single visible eye trained on my new book. It was interesting enough to keep my mind from wandering. That was what I wanted, after all. A way to stay with myself, and not wander away by mistake.

I was so engrossed in my book, that I didn't notice the other people in the hall, surrounding me until it was too late and I had been shoved unceremoniously into a set of lockers, school bag flying helplessly off of my shoulder, book dropping to the cheap laminate floor.

A large teen stood over me, his cronies running down either side of the hall to keep watch. He had sinister orange eyes and a mop of long silver-grey hued hair. His skin was very tanned and he was at least a head taller than myself.

"So you're the new kid, eh?" He asked in a deep and evil voice. "Mute, I heard?" He sneered at my silence. "I'll teach you to talk, Mute." He punched my chest, knocking the wind out of me. "I'll teach you to cry out." His fist met my side, bruising was obviously going to occur in the worst way. "To scream," He smacked my face. "To beg for mercy," He threw me to the floor, kicking my ribcage before I could scuttle away. "You going to talk yet?" Another kick. "Hmm?" Another.

My body screamed in protest as his large foot met the side of my head, slamming the back of it into the lockers. My world began to spin around me, I couldn't move. Kicks followed kicks and just when I thought this would be the end – the kick that would break something vital, the kick that would kill me, they stopped. Abruptly.

Shouts came from one direction as I saw through blurry eyes as two blond teens raced down the hall shouting obscenities in the large teen's direction. One, the shorter, threw a well-placed punch into the orange eyed boy's face, smashing his nose perfectly, sending blood running down to stain his white uniform shirt. The other teen, taller and feminine in body shape, sent a heavy round-house kick into the bully's stomach. He doubled over as the girl screamed at him in fury.

"Get the fuck out of here, you bastard!" She shrieked, "Fucking Saix broke my damn thumb nail and if you don't get the hell away from here _now_ I will break your favorite attribute!" The crony that had not been beaten up already rushed towards the commotion, gasping at the sight of the blonds. He heaved his bleeding leader to his feet, and ran with him back the way he had come, gaining speed at the girl's livid shrieks and threats.

The boy knelt down, staring at me with deep blue pools for eyes. I recognized him vaguely. The girl bent over too, on my other side, letting out a low whistle at my condition.

"Damn, Mute," she murmured, "He really let you have it…"

"Don't call him names, Larx." The blond boy scolded. "It's rude." She rolled her eyes at him. "Are you sleepy?" The boy asked. I shook my head slowly. "Dizzy?" I nodded slightly. "Does your neck or upper back hurt?"

Who was I kidding? Everything hurt. I shook my head after a short pause. The girl nodded. "Sit up." She commanded.

Just as I struggled to do just that, more rushing footsteps could be heard coming down the hallway. They slowed to a stop and a familiar voice said, "Damn," It was that red haired teen, Axel. "I should've known your screaming would be the cause of something like this." The second set of feet hurried to my side, keeling next to the girl, closer to my head.

"Zexion?" It was Demyx. I sort of wished they had left me alone to be killed by that guy. "What the hell?" He seemed very upset with his friends all of the sudden. "What did you guys _do?_"

"Us?!" The girl shrieked, outraged.

"It was fucking Mansex and his minions." The boy, who I now remembered as Roxas from lunch supplied. "Saix and Xaldin."

Demyx growled. "I'll kill 'em."

"I doubt there'll be need for that," Axel said lazily, staring down at me. "With these two on the case, I'm sure old Xemmy got what was coming to him." He smiled at my saviors… Well, perhaps just at Roxas.

The blond girl, Larxene scoffed. "We got a few good hits in, but he was nearly done making a hamburger out of this kid when we got here."

"Saix won't be at school tomorrow," Roxas added smugly.

At a quick glance at her watch, Larxene groaned. "Look, Rox and I have to go to fighter practice. Dem if you need a ride home with me, now's when you're getting it."

Demyx looked from me, to the girl and back a few times before making up his mind. "I'll see you later. Tell Mom I'm at Axel's if I'm not home when you get there."

Larxene nodded, nodded to me, then stood, motioning for Roxas to go as well. He gave Demyx and Axel a slight wave before walking off with the other blond teen.

"Let's get you to the nurse," Demyx said softly, nodding to Axel to help him hoist me to my feet. Once I was standing, Axel collected my things. I swayed dangerously when the blond released my arm, so he grabbed back on tight, forcing me to sling my arm around his shoulders.

He half lead, half carried me down the hall, in the opposite direction of where his friends had just gone. After what could have been a few seconds or a few eternities, Axel opened the door to a small white room.

Demyx helped me sit on the bench by the door, perching next to me, clinging to my hand despite my silent protests. Axel dropped my things in the corner with his own and walked through another door across the room, calling, "Oh, Nuuuurse! Dear Nuuuuurse! Aeris!"

A young woman with long brown hair and deep caring green eyes came to meet him. She was fairly tall, but not abnormally so, and clothed herself in a pale pink dress, perhaps she was still clinging to summer?

"Please, Axel, tell me you didn't hurt another freshman?" She said in mock-irritation.

"Nope, sorry to say," the redhead grinned as he introduced me to the nurse. She smiled a little, but hurried over to sit next to me, on the side opposite of Demyx's, examining my injured scalp.

"My god…" She said, pulling a cleaning cloth from a drawer behind her, tending to my stinging wounds. "What happened?"

"Xemnas." Axel supplied angrily. "Larx and Roxas got there just in time."

"Did you see exactly what happened?"

"No, Dem and I arrived after it was all over."

The woman nodded. The she turned my head slightly so she could look into my eyes. "How do you feel?" She asked softly.

I shrugged a little. Honestly I felt like hell, but I didn't want to let that be known.

"I need you to tell me the date, please." She said. I frowned.

"He doesn't talk, Aeris." Axel replied sharply, only just remembering it then.

She frowned, but nodded and left me alone after bandaging my head much more than was probably necessary. "You don't want me to report this, do you?"

"You know we love you, right Aeris?" Demyx said sweetly, smiling that smile I was beginning to hate already.

She sighed. "As long as you take care of this one," she gestured to me, "Then this conversation never leaves this room. Okay?"

"Yay!" Demyx cheered, jumping to his feet so he could throw his arms around her. "Thank you!"

God, I hated him. I hated this whole place. What would it take to move again? Just a good reason to, right? Well, in that moment, I made up my mind. I would locate a good excuse to get the hell out of here, and then I'd be gone before this annoying blond and all his buddies even knew what had hit them. It was final, nonnegotiable, and static.

X.x.X.x.X

Many thanks and endless love for my beautiful reviewers, **xGothicxSerenityx**, and **LittleLoneLiar**. You rock my socks! (insert a less-than sign followed by a 3 here)

I'll be updating again much sooner than before, due to a VERY good writing day yesterday. XD I got an even three chapters written yesterday alone, so you know I'm doing a little Whitney Dance right now. lols

**Everybody's Ages (oldest to youngest):**

Adults: Barret-39. Aeris-23.

Seniors in High School: Xemnas, Larxene, Xaldin. 18 all.

Juniors in High School: Saix, Axel, Demyx, Riku, Zexion. 17 all.

Sophomores in High School: Roxas. 16.

R&R's are hearted for ever! (Even by those who don't – technically – have a heart to give.)


	3. Chapter 2 Self Interdiction

Chapter Two: Self Interdiction

Sinking… Sinking… Through the darkness of what could have been night, had it not been for the weightless atmosphere and the complete nothingness that was this place. Zexion's body was torn and frail, bloodied and broken, but his mind was frailer. He was shattered inside. He was ill to the very soul.

He collapsed into himself, feeling every ounce of agony writhing through his being, sending him into a panic, making him shake and gag and _hurt_. The only sound in the screaming silence was that of his own tortured breaths, coming in short and unfulfilling gasps, tingling and lightening his head numbly, much like hyperventilation.

Zexion wanted to scream, wanted to cry out, wanted to do _something, anything_ that could release him from this anguish, but he couldn't make his voice box work. Not that it would have mattered. There was no one… No one anywhere around to hear his desperate pleas. He was alone. _All alone._ Sinking…

One single voice, angelic and frightening, called through to him in a whisper. "Zexion?" She asked, voice smooth and fresh, yet somehow disturbing. The boy winced and pulled further into himself, shaking harder.

"Go away," He pleaded in a voice much smaller and younger than he appeared.

The voice laughed. "You're not hurt, are you?"

He screamed inside of himself, unable to vocalize the horror out loud. It mattered not. She could hear his distressed and jumbled thoughts, broken, like him. He knew she would be smiling had she really been there, always able to laugh at the worst times.

"Don't cry now, you know what your parents would say about that." She chided happily before sliding away from his mind, ignoring his woeful state, leaving him to drown in his own blood, suddenly lying on the floor, still too dark to be anything but Hell.

X.x.X

I woke with a start, tears streaming down my pale face of their own accord. My breathing did not even out when I realized that it had all been just a dream. _Just_ a freaking dream. It had been so real… I had felt every cut, every broken bone… I shuddered.

'_Get yourself together,' _I commanded myself. _'Calm down.' _I glanced at the clock and groaned. Six thirty two in the morning. I had school too. _'Damn it.'_ I hated myself for those damn nightmares. I knew they were pretend. I did. So why couldn't I calm down after they were over?

I massaged my throbbing temples as I clambered out of bed, tripping over the side table on my way through the barren room to the bathroom. I stood in the shower, steaming water running down my back, feeling around my chest and arms for the wounds, which – of course – did not exist. I sighed, finally breathing normally again as I washed my hair.

I dressed myself in jeans and a long sleeved shirt, to cover the rather unruly bruise I had given myself during the night's fiasco, (I must have banged my arm against the side table again or something) and poured myself some cereal, which I ate half of before deciding I was going to feel ill if I put too much in my stomach after that less than restful night.

The person I shared the apartment with, a fairly pretty, and kind of frightening woman, a few years older than me by the name of Ava Neverhart, hobbled into the kitchen a short time later, flipping the switch to the coffee maker and giving me a reading look with her deep brown eyes. She combed her dark bangs out of her heart shaped face with her fingers before collapsing into the seat across the table from mine.

She stared at me for a moment. "You're up and moving bright and early," she observed after a long pause. I nodded. "You were kicking the wall in your sleep again, you know."

I sighed and sent her the closest thing to an apologizing look that I could muster in the morning. She smiled – just a little, as this was way too early for her too – and shook her head a bit. "You'd think by all the banging," she smirked, "That you had a girlfriend or something in there every night… Or a boyfriend…" she added in an after-thought. "If you do happen to have someone of the male variety in your closet, please – do share. Women have needs too." Then she laughed at my appalled expression.

Her coffee pot buzzed suddenly, and she hopped to her feet to pour herself an enormous mug of the stuff. When she had sugared it to her liking, she reseated herself and took three long drags. If coffee was an alcoholic beverage, Ava would have died from poisoning years ago.

I watched her drink in silence for a few more minuets before standing up. I was just leaving the room when Ava's voice called out, halting me in the doorway.

"About those nightmares, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want me to know okay? As long as they don't interfere with work or your ability to pay your half of the rent, it isn't my place to ask." I turned to stare at here, raising my visible eyebrow. She was dead serious, but I knew she meant it in a motherly sort of way. Ava showed her emotions like that. I nodded. She mirrored the action before I turned and got myself ready for school.

X.x.X

"Hey, Emo. 'Sup?"

I ignored Larxene's greeting. In the past few tiring days of my acquaintance with the blond, I had grown accustomed to her rude nicknames.

I kept to my book as most of the others assembled around the lunch table. Demyx was missing in action. I mentally smacked myself for wondering where he was as I'd found in the week I had been here that regardless of where I placed myself at lunchtime, Axel and Demyx would find me.

On Wednesday, I cleverly skipped the meal for the sanctuary of the library, but Roxas had come across me there. He rolled his eyes, but told me that Demyx had thought I had been kidnapped, raped and left to die in the bad part of town. The short blond had suggested I save everyone else the trouble of the mulleted boy's panic-born stories by not doing that again. Axel made sure to not let me get away after that as well.

I turned my mind violently back to my novel, scoffing at the pure ridiculousness of that particular track of mind. Why should I care where the obnoxious blond was? I didn't care. In fact, the silence was a comfort. I sighed inaudibly to myself.

"Hi Zexy!" I gasped as I was jumped from behind and trapped in a bone-crushing hug. So much for the comforting silence. I cringed at the nickname, wondering if maybe I hated it even more than 'Emo' and 'Mute'.

Why me? What did I do to deserve this guy? Huh? Is this some kind of screwed up punishment for something I did in a past life? Because whatever the hell it is, it isn't funny.

Demyx let go of me and plopped into the empty seat to my left. "Having a good day?" He asked everyone in general.

I shrugged, tuning my attention back to my now abused book. Axel grumbled something about an evil biology teacher. Larxene ignored her younger brother completely. Roxas nodded simply. Demyx grinned widely.

"It's Friday!" he cheered so jovially that he nearly knocked over his chocolate milk. "What are you doing for the weekend, Zexy?"

I shrugged noncommittally, ignoring the nickname to the best of my ability.

"Well you have to do _something_," He insisted, "We have Monday off!" He unwrapped his hot dog at that. "So? Do you want to hang out at the mall with us?"

I shrugged again, not even glancing up as the blond emptied three packets of relish into his bun. It was all I could do to ignore the rest of the blonde's speech about having fun and life being too sort to not do things on the weekends, as I was beginning to find the boy increasingly difficult to neglect.

It was frustrating, really, the way he was trying so desperately to snake his way into my life. These walls were seamless, tough and thick. There was no way this lunatic of a boy was going to get inside. He seemed to be the only one that hadn't noticed this fact yet.

He grinned and slapped me in the back playfully before we all stood to go our separate ways as the bell rang out through the hallways.

I happened to finish my book a few minuets early, so I stood in the hallway anxiously, with no where for my eyes to go. Demyx came up next to me and stood quietly for once, seemingly downtrodden by something, not that I cared or anything. It was just that he was usually smiling as though he had just barely enough brain cells in his head to rub together and keep warm.

There was a dark shadow over his eyes that faded but did not vanish when he saw me looking and cast me that annoying grin. I couldn't figure out why I hated _that particular_ grin so much, but I did. It made my blood boil like nothing else. I absolutely _loathed_ when he grinned like that.

The look faded at my sinister one-eyed glare. Demyx looked away from me, wringing his hands slightly for a moment. Then he regained his composure and tuned back to me, grinning that damn grin again. "So will you come to the mall with everyone on Saturday?"

Saturday… Suddenly, I felt better. No, I had to work on Saturday, through the majority of the day. Some deity needed to bless Ava right now, okay? If you're listening? I shook my head as the bell rang again, allowing us all to enter the classroom and take our seats. Demyx visibly deflated, but said nothing more to me on the subject.

X.x.X

I worked for Ava's small computer company. My job was mainly to keep all the complex programs functioning properly. It wasn't difficult, but it was quite tiring. When I finally got back to the apartment and collapsed into the lumpy second-hand sofa, Ava had been home for over an hour.

She stood in the middle of the room, smirking slightly at me. I sent her a tired expression that clearly stated, "What?"

She grinned. "I have a message for you. Some guy named Axel called. He wanted you to meet him at the mall on Monday at ten."

I frowned. Then I shook my head.

Her grin widened evilly. "I told him you'd be there." I groaned. "Oh, get over it," She ordered. "You weren't going to do anything anyway. It'll be good for you."

Bull shit. Fucking shit of a bull. On fire. I did _not_ want to go to the freaking mall on a teacher work day when I could be designing a new anti-virus program, or reading. No. Way.

X.x.X

Yes way. Ava drove me there herself. Remember what I said about blessing her, oh random deity? Forget it. She no longer deserves the praise.

Roxas smiled as I slinked out of the passenger seat of Ava's beat up red Saturn something-or-other. I nodded to him slightly and walked over into the cool shade of the mall's overhang. Summer wasn't quite over yet, and the temperature desperately clinged to the higher degrees for these last few days. It would end soon, but not soon enough for my liking. Roxas appeared to share my opinion.

Axel joined us seconds later, smiling at me a little and grinning fully at the small blond, throwing a casual arm around his shoulders. The shorter boy muttered something about the public as he removed said arm delicately.

We waited there for several minuets in relative silence until Roxas made the consecutive decision to go wait inside where there was air-conditioning for Demyx, who seemed to be late for these outings on a regular basis. I was as thankful as anyone for the decisiveness of the short blond boy.

The mall was large and clean, with two glass elevators that rose to the higher level and extravagant tile walkways around a large fountain. Because it was a Monday, few people wandered from place to place, most of them in my generation. Axel lead us over to the fountain, where he and Roxas plopped down onto the open bench and waited longer, seemingly more than used to the lavish décor. I remained on my feet, plastering a blank expression onto my pale, and half covered face. For such a sad and dilapidated city, this sure was the most breathtaking mall I had ever seen. It had been initially difficult to hide my surprise.

I was still gazing around several minuets later when I heard shouts and felt myself being shoved unceremoniously to the clean floor, the culprit of the attack landing heavily on my legs with a breathy "oof!"

I groaned and rotated around to face the attacker, snarling. There, still sitting on my legs, was the one person I really wished I had never made acquaintance with.

"Sorry, Zexion." Demyx said, blushing scarlet as he clambered off of me and pulled me to my feet almost as violently as he had pushed me down. "I thought you would have caught my weight better than that." He laughed then, as if it was all some big joke. I rolled my eyes.

"Dude, Dem!" Roxas exclaimed. "Don't give the guy a concussion!"

Both of the other boys were now standing, and Axel was looking from me to Demyx and back with an unreadable expression on is narrow face. Roxas had his hands in his pockets casually, but his glare was stony and quite frightening.

Demyx grinned sheepishly. "Sorry I'm late! It really _was_ Larx's fault this time though."

"You little fucker!" The spoken of girl shouted as she stormed in her younger brother's direction. People flocked out of her war path, whispering to each other in terror. "I am going to fucking _kill you._"

"Hello, Larxene." Roxas said without an ounce of fear. The girl's expression softened instantly as she returned the greeting. It seemed the younger boy was well in control of this awkward little group. Well, either that, or bipolar disorder ran in the Harper family.

"So where to first?" Axel said as soon as it was apparent that the sibling beating scare had been abated. "Molly's?"

No one argued, so we took one of the elevators to the second floor. Molly's was a dark and off the wall kind of store, and it really fell directly into the category for stores that odd and dark sort of personalities tend to linger. The girl behind the counter, a stocky broad with many-a-face piercing flirted with Axel and me endlessly. Axel, a sucker for compliments, ended up buying some kind of overpriced lighter from her, grinning all the while.

We spent much longer in there than one might think, and by the time everyone who had planned to buy something had made their purchase, the nearest wall clock read thirty after noon. Demyx dragged the rest of us back to the first floor, deeming this a perfect time for lunch.

The food court was much like any other food court in any other mall anywhere you could go. Fast food restaurants of all shapes and flavors surrounded a large open space of tables and chairs. We seated ourselves at a secluded corner table and Demyx ran off to get everyone something to eat.

Upon his return, with a tray littered with French fries and hamburgers, Demyx sat directly to my left, with a funny sort of look in his eyes. "What will you have to eat, Zexion?" He asked.

I shook my head. _'Nothing. I'm not hungry.'_ Demyx grinned that damn grin. Why did I hate that particular grin _so fucking much_?

"I don't think I've ever seen you eat." He poked my side. I twitched out of his reach, smacking his hand simultaneously. He gasped slightly, his grin turning from the one I hated to one of immeasurably evil intent. "You're ticklish!" I glared. _'Am not.'_ "And you're _so skinny_!" He frowned then.

"Let him starve himself if he wants, Dem." Axel said lazily, unwrapping his second burger.

"Never!" The blond exclaimed, snatching my wrist and yanking me bodily from my chair and across the food court. "You are _going_ to eat something, got it?" He demanded, suddenly looking a lot more relative to Larxene than normal. He took me to the nearest restaurant, Chicken Palace . "Do you like chicken?"

I shrugged. Demyx may have won this fight, but it didn't mean I had to make it easier on him. He shrugged offhandedly and ordered some nuggets for me, with a drink and a large fries.

There was no way I was going to be able to eat all that! What the hell?!

The blond then paid for it all himself and collected the food, leaving me to follow behind him in an aggravated daze.

We reseated ourselves at the table where the others were still eating, talking about whatever they were talking about. I felt truly out of place there, without a book to occupy my line of vision, and Demyx literally force-feeding me french-fries every two seconds. Finally, the time for eating passed us and we continued on our mall-outing… Trip… Thing.

The Melodious Place was next. I was dubbed instantly by the guy behind the counter as an 'emo' and was escorted directly to the emo-band merchandise area of the small store. It was because of my hair cut, wasn't it? It wasn't my fault, okay? It just… Sort of fell that way. And when it did, it covered half of my face, which I found to be helpful in being unnoticed. I was _not_ emo.

Larxene, of course, found it absolutely hysterical that the guy then began to flirt with me, assuming – once again without base – that I was gay. Damn it all to hell, I used to like this store! I left before anyone else was finished, ignoring Larxene's explanation to the guy that I was "just looking for something to sulk over." Bitch.

Demyx followed soon after me, smiling apologetically and swinging a small bag. "It's a few new pins," he explained, "For my book bag. A lot of my other ones got broken." I hadn't asked. Silence ensued.

"Sorry about all that." Demyx murmured a tense minuet later. "Larxene isn't really as bad as she seems. She means well, really… She's just a little insensitive."

"You mean she's a sadistic bitch." Axel corrected, joining us by the bench.

The blond laughed. "Yeah, that's it!"

I couldn't help but smirk myself, just a little. It was pretty funny, after all. Demyx absolutely beamed upon seeing it, and Axel did an overemphasized double take.

"Well, what do you know?" The red head smirked. "He isn't dead after all."

Demyx threw his arms around my neck, surprising me and almost knocking me to the ground again. "You smiled!" He cheered, bouncing up and down a little, dragging me along for the ride. "We got you to smile!"

I growled. Oh, how I wanted to go home and read a good book! These people were beginning to think of me as one of them – as a friend. I couldn't let that happen. It was a simply absurd conception. I was…

I was better off alone.

X.x.X.x.X

Ava Neverhart: 23 out of school, approximately 5'6" (my hight, haha!) She is an OC I originally designed for an AkuRoku fic that never came to Because of this, I chose to use her again here, in this coincidentally perfect part for her character. Please, oh please do not kidnap her from me! She is 100percent original and therefore something that belongs wholly to me for once! XD She's early, by the way. I was originally going to save her to introduced the first time Demmy goes home with Zexy. But the plot bunnies raped me and left me this instead, so... yeah.

The plot thickens! (At least I hope so…) I don't really want to use places from our world in this story, as it takes place in Midgar, so I changed some names if you noticed. Molly's was designed after Spencer's, and The Melodious Place is a band-type store that sort of resembles Hot Topic(at least the dude in the store does lols). I was thinking of Chik-Fil-A when I wrote the lunch scene where Demyx makes Zexy eat something. Speaking of which: Zexion isn't actually starving himself. He just doesn't normally eat lunch, especially at school. (eew cafeteria food… -shares sentiment-) Demyx had never seen him eat because of that, of course, and finds the need to freak out. 8D

Ava's car is the same car my sister had in high school. lols It was a piece of crap, but it was well loved. XD

AH! I think I may have dug myself a grave for the beginning of this story! Diolouge is SO HARD when your main character doesn't speak! -mouns what was once thought as a good idea- -sighs- I'll get through, I just don't want everything in the fisrt half of the story to feel awkward... -makes face-

Thanks, love and cyber cookies goes out to my beautiful reviewer: **LittleLoneLiar**, Even though you're the only one this chapter, your reveiw put me into such a good mood, I couldn't resist the update! XD So everyone else has you to thank for such a quick update! -beats everyone else with keybleade until they thank you and give you their share of the fresh, gooey and delicious cyber cookies- 8D -dodges bullets from now angry cookieless readers-


	4. Chapter 3 Madrigal Connection

**Songs I was listening to/thinking of during the writing of the music room scene:**

"Seventeen Ain't So Sweet" by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

"Lithium" by Evanescence

"Crazy on You" by Heart

Chapter Three: Madrigal Connection

"So will you come with me today? I want you to meet everyone." Demyx followed me around, becoming quite reminiscent of a lost puppy on days like this one. He wanted me to accompany him into the music room during free period that day. Why, I hadn't the slightest clue. I wasn't musically inclined in the least bit.

To silence the endless begging, I nodded and followed the boy into a part of the school I had never been to before. He lead me into a sort of smaller version of the auditorium, a fairly large, round room with a stage at the far side and folding chairs littered haphazardly around it. Music stands were placed in various locations, and there was a bookshelf at the back of the stage full of what appeared to be thousands of sheets of music. There was an ancient looking piano on the far left side of the stage and a drum set on the opposite side.

I felt a sort of coziness about the place, just standing in the doorway. I was unsure as to why, but I liked it. Demyx grinned and pulled me to the center of the room, which already had a few people scattered about inside. "This is Zexion, everybody!" I noticed Axel sitting on the bench to the piano, but none of the others were people I knew.

Demyx introduced me to everyone so abruptly I hardly picked it all up. A girl that was standing next to Axel's bench was named Yuffie. She was small and slight, and Demyx told me she was a wiz at the violin. A very large orange haired teen by the name of Lexaeus played the drums. A boy with relatively spiky blond hair, but not as spiky as Roxas', was introduced to me as Tidus the bass guitarist. A bold, but kind girl, younger than I by at least two years with long dark hair by the name of Garnet smiled as she assembled her flute.

These people seemed… Nice enough, I suppose. But I still had no idea what I was doing here. I belonged in this place about as well as a goldfish in an airplane. Yes, I know that's a horrible analogy, but you understand the intention. Demyx grabbed an acoustic guitar and tuned it to his liking while listening to the others converse.

"Where the hell is Yuna?" Yuffie asked, leaning against the piano.

"Gods only know," replied Axel off-handedly.

"Probably with her latest boy-toy." Garnet added lightly. Tidus frowned.

The door flew open then to reveal a gorgeous brunette girl wearing the shortest uniform skirt I had ever seen, paired with a collared shirt that was a bit too small around the chest. "Hi!" she called, practically dancing to the stage.

"Where have you been?" chided Lexaeus gruffly.

She waved him off delicately, concentrating her blue/green eyes on me instead. "Who might you be?"

"That's Zexion, Demmy's friend." Supplied Axel. "Yuna's a singer." He added to me.

"_Songstress_, Axel dear." She corrected.

"Yeah, yeah," Demyx cut in. "We've wasted fifteen minuets already. Can we jam now?"

"Yeah!" Yuffie added ecstatically, sending Yuna a harsh glare. "What are we playing?"

"Don't care," Axel sighed, shaking his head. "Just pick something." Silence ensued for the next few seconds, as everyone waited for someone to suggest something. Finally, Demyx's guitar broke the stillness with the introduction to some rock and roll kind of song. Lexaeus caught on immediately at his drum cue followed by the others. To my surprise, Axel opened his mouth, singing the lyrics eloquently. Yuna rolled her eyes, but said nothing.

Together, this band of music junkies made for an unusual, but not at all bad sound. Axel sounded nothing like the original band's lead singer, but it was quite pleasant. His voice was richer and a bit scratchy in comparison, but he made the song his own – their own – perfectly. I glanced around at the musicians, expecting to see hard workers, but instead I saw smiling faces, even Yuna, as she sang backup for the redhead, instead of the lead role she obviously would rather have had.

Demyx's eyes were closed softly; a kind, slight sort of smile graced his lips, the likes of which I had never seen before, least of all in the normally energetic youth. It was a peaceful feeling, watching his nimble fingers find the right places instinctively, no need for nervously dodging eyes in search of the right note. Music really was his thing. There was no doubt in that.

The song ended much too soon for my liking, and most of the others in the room seemed to share that sentiment, because Yuna jumped to her feet announcing the next song.

"Aww! That's too depressing!" Yuffie scoffed, but tightened her bow a bit anyway.

"You just want to give Axe something to do." Garnet said, smirking slightly. The look didn't suit her. She was much prettier when she smiled.

Yuna laughed a little, and waited as Axel spun around in his seat, cracking his knuckles before placing his long fingers to familiar keys on his instrument. As he began to play the slow tune, she sang out the lyrics.

Her voice was not as rich as it should have been for the song, but it was pretty none the less. Again, my eyes scanned the group. They all knew each song so well! Everyone played their part seamlessly, meshing the air in the room into a buzzing masterpiece. My eyes rested on Axel for a minuet. If it was possible to rock out a piano, he was doing it, and loving every second of it.

Demyx didn't seem to enjoy this song quite so much, but he still looked at peace in his chair, smiling so slightly, I wondered if maybe he wasn't actually smiling at all. Maybe this is what his face looked like naturally; maybe his facial features just stuck him with a smile, even when he didn't move his muscles into that form.

When the song was over, Demyx jumped to his feet and right into the introduction of another, which I vaguely recognized, but couldn't place. It wasn't until Yuna started to sing that I realized it was an old classic. Demyx absolutely glowed when he played this song. It was apparently one of his favorites, and for a good reason. The acoustic guitar was incredible.

Yuna bounced slightly as she sang, making Tidus smirk and almost loose pace as he watched her chest move. The little pervert. I chuckled inwardly. Yuna really could belt it out. She was perfect for this song. And Demyx's skills were certainly every bit as good as that of the original band's guitarist. To put it quite simply, I was in awe. Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing that I was here, after all.

The period came to an end shortly after that, and the tunes were still buzzing in my head as I walked to my last class of the day. Demyx ran up to me, slowing to match my pace as we walked together to history.

"So what do you think? I mean Yuna can be a bit difficult sometimes, but that's to be expected from a girl like her, right?"

I shrugged slightly, keeping my eyes trained on the floor as I walked. It was a habit of mine, I suppose.

"Do you think you'd like to come another time, maybe? We jam during free period three times a week, on days when there's no one in the music room then."

I nodded. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to do this, because it could lead to unwanted connections, but I did want to hear more music. If it got to be too close for comfort, I could just stop going and not associate at all. Yeah, that was it. I wasn't enjoying the company, honest. I was _just_ there for the music. It had _absolutely nothing_ to do with that pointless emotion, 'loneliness'.

_Absolutely nothing._ I learned my lesson, okay? I wouldn't dare feel that sort of emptiness ever again. It never leads to good places. So stop jumping to conclusions, damn it!

X.x.X

Summer faded completely to fall, and with November came the months of miserably cold rains in Midgar City. I didn't mind it, but Ava quickly became unbearable on the worst of days. On other days, however, she acted abnormally kind. I guess that just explains the true bipolar nature of my roommate.

The day Larxene decided that she hated her brother was luckily one of such days, latter mentioned. The blond teens had come in to school that morning not speaking to one another at all. Larxene grumbled something to Roxas about her car, ignoring the others completely at lunch. Demyx's eyes were oddly red tinged and the only smile he possessed all day was the one I hated so much. Why the hell was that anyway? Why couldn't I figure it out?

The end of the day came, and Larxene took off for home without waiting for her younger brother. Demyx grinned that damn grin, and told the others that someone else was going to come pick him up. I was waiting for the later bus that went in the direction of my apartment complex as I had missed the first one, so, coincidentally, I was at the school long enough to realize that no one was coming for the normally spunky blond in my grade.

Why would he lie? I walked over to the curb where he sat himself in his slightly oversized zip-up hoodie and sat next to him, keeping a few feet of distance between us. He sniffed and didn't look at me when he spoke a few minuets later, "We had a fight." He said simply. This much was apparent. "I… guess I don't really want to go home quite yet. That's why I lied to everyone else. Why're you still here?"

I pointed wordlessly at the bus stop.

"Oh, yeah I see." He turned to me and grinned that fucking grin. Gods, I hated it! His face fell when he saw me scowling. "…Is it okay if I go home with you for the afternoon, Zexy?"

I ignored the annoying nickname for the moment, acknowledging that now was not the time to argue about something so trivial. I nodded briefly as the bus screeched into the stop and opened its front door for us. We stood and boarded.

X.x.X

It was abnormal for Ava and me to have guests. So I suppose that may be why she acted so strangely during Demyx's visit. Or perhaps she was embarrassed for her initial appearance when Demyx and I walked through the door.

I unlocked the door and stepped into the small, slightly dingy living room. Around the corner to the left was the tiny galley-styled kitchen, where I could hear clanging and hissed cursing.

"Hey! Glad you're back!" Ava shouted from somewhere in that room, her voice echoing oddly. I crept through the doorway only to sigh at what met my eyes on the other side.

Ava was hidden completely inside the open oven, ill-fitting jeaned buttocks sticking out at an awkward angle. A battered toolbox sat to one side, open, revealing an assortment of mix-matched tools. She pulled herself out, slowly; wrench in hand, to smile at me through a filthy face. Identical grime coated her arms up to her elbows.

"Damn stove is broken again," she explained cheerily, brushing sweaty bangs out of her face so she could see. She froze upon seeing Demyx standing behind me. They stared at each other for a long moment, one in innocent curiosity, the other in a more suspicious flavor of the same emotion.

Finally, Demyx stepped around me delicately, waving a little. "Hi, I'm Demyx. I know Zexion from school." He smiled brightly.

Ava stared for a split-second longer before smiling herself and climbing to her feet, dropping the wrench into the box with a clank and closing the oven door. "It's a pleasure to meet you; I'm Ava, Zexion's roommate." She extended a hand to shake, before chuckling a little at its appearance. "Sorry," She said, hand dropping back to her side. "I didn't know you were bringing anyone home, Zexion."

I shrugged, but my blond counterpart – Wait! Did I just claim him as mine? No. Of course not! That would be ridiculous. I didn't even _like_ the guy. Not even a little. No. You were just imagining it, poor, slightly insane reader.

Well, in any case, Demyx knew what to say as always. "That's my fault, sorry. I asked him if I could come over today just a little while ago. He didn't know before hand."

"It's fine," Ava brushed it off, smiling slyly. "I just need to get cleaned up before dinner is all." She laughed a little as she kicked the oven door harshly. The sound echoed through the tiny apartment, causing Demyx to jump slightly. I, however, was quite used to the woman's violent way of fixing things. "We're going to have to go out to eat tonight, I'm afraid." Demyx joined her in a little laugh before she excused herself to the single bathroom for a shower.

"She's nice." Demyx observed a few minuets later as we sat at the kitchen table silently. I nodded offhandedly. "A bit scary, though…" A few moments of silence ensued, as the blonde's impossibly bright uniquely hued eyes wandered around. Then, "So you live here alone with Ava?"

I stared at him. What was this all about? Most people would assume such things were too touchy of a subject to discuss… I nodded, guessing that it was that odd guilelessness in him again asking.

"It's lovely. Do you like it?"

I shrugged. What was there to like? Dislike? I don't know, but I really had no emotions over the place at all. It wasn't like I ever did anything here but bathe, sleep and eat. Homework, too, I suppose I ought to mention.

Ava once compared my heart to stone, when we were first acquainted. I hated little, and loved much less, so I expect she was right there. I sometimes wondered if there was a heart at all in me, but I could feel it there, after all, pulsing blood through my scrawny body. There had grown a numbness in me over the years; one that I loathed and cherished for its distinct frozen protection. It was the innermost barrier of my letter-perfect inner walls.

Ava returned from the shower a short time later, dressed in better-fitting jeans and a cute black top. She collected her car keys and wallet from the counter and just like that, we were off.

Ava drove us to some random restaurant, cursing the traffic and her decrepit vehicle. We stepped into the overly heated environment and seated ourselves in a secluded corner booth. A girl that was slightly younger than me came to the table a short while later, the letters 'K-A-I-R-I' printed boldly on a pin secured to her button-up shit in pink ink. She combed a stray lock of burgundy hair out of her blue-ish eyes and smiled at us.

"Hello. I'm Kairi. I'll be serving you tonight. What can I get you to drink as a start?" She placed a menu in front of each of us and smiled again.

Everyone ordered and was served and soon the sky held a certain darkness, moon dully giving no light, stars hidden completely from the glow of the neon signs. Demyx and Ava chatted idly over coffee in the apartment while I listened… Or pretended to be listening as I pondered everything.

Ava had picked up the bill for both of us. She had not even complained about the pricing of anything. What was more, was that she had invited the blond to stay overnight, as this part of the city was particularly dangerous after dark. Demyx had accepted without debate. He was now borrowing an oversized t-shirt of mine and a pair of sleeping pants, which, irritatingly enough looked much better on him than me. I wasn't the jealous type, or anything. That wasn't it at all. No, it was the way he smiled the whole damn evening, as if nothing bad had happened that pissed me off. It got me worked up, that these sorts of things were so simple for him, when all I ever did was work to hide my emotions.

Ava bid us 'goodnight' around half past ten, reminding us that tomorrow was Thursday, and therefore, sleep would be a good plan. Demyx and I sat alone on the lumpy couch in complete, utter silence for a few long minuets.

Finally, Demyx broke the speechlessness with a loud sigh followed by, "You have a nice family."

What? I didn't have a family. What was this lunatic on about this time?

The blond chuckled a little at my perplexed expression. "Ava. She's like a family for you. I guess… I wonder what happened to your real family… since you're only seventeen and all, but she fills the role nicely, I think. Don't you?"

Role? I raised a skeptical eyebrow. What would I need someone like Ava to fill the 'family role' for? I hadn't needed anyone else in that way in over a decade.

"You don't even talk to _her_?" Demyx voiced after a few seconds, taken aback. "Why not? She obviously cares about you."

At that I winced subconsciously. No… Ava meant nothing to me… and I meant nothing to her. What could this idiotic little blond possibly know? Nothing. Nothing at all. He didn't know Ava. And he _certainly_ didn't know me.

My minor panic attack didn't go unnoticed by the boy at my side. He swallowed harshly and scooted closer to me, reaching gingerly for my hand. "I'm sorry! I said something wrong, didn't I?" He exclaimed, squeezing the mentioned appendage.

I jumped at the touch and bolted from my seat, wrenching my hand from his, which I might have noticed was warm, had I not been so distraught. I glared my most powerfully hostile glare at him for a tense moment before turning my back on him and storming to my bedroom, slamming the door behind me.

I crashed into the bed, trying to cease the pointless shaking of my hands. "Damn it, damn it, damn it all to hell," I croaked under my breath as I fought hyperventilation. That – that _ignoramus_! How could he possibly know _anything_ about _anything_?! He didn't, of course! Then why had he gotten to me so? Why was it that now he had brought up my family, I thought of them for the first time in _years_? They were a part of me that had been locked away quite some time ago, for the sake of my delicate sanity. I was never going to relive all that grief… I had insisted upon it.

X.x.X

She smiled at the smaller boy. "You doing okay?"

He nodded shyly. She chuckled as thunder shook the window panes causing the boy to jump and shudder. She climbed beneath the light summer blanket and hugged him tightly.

It was always this way. She would ask that question, knowing the answer, he would lie unconvincingly, and she would crawl into his bed, wrap her arms around him protectively and tell him a story. He could never remember what they were about, and really it didn't matter. It was her presence, her steady voice, which made the frightening thunder go away.

The little boy smiled a bit and blinked, only to gasp at the abrupt change of scene.

He was sitting in a car – or what used to be one. The entirety of the passenger side was warped horribly, forming nightmarish sharp edges, bloodied from the crash. She was sitting beside him, gasping her last breaths, metal impaled through her chest, blood everywhere.

Her hand reached for his smaller one, she grimaced from the pain, but asked that one question that would throw everything over the edge for he boy, as he knew what was going to happen. "You're not hurt, are you?"

He choked out what should have been a decent reply, as it was the last decent thing he ever said to another person, but he just couldn't find the right words, "S-Sis?"

She hacked up blood a little, but squeezed his tiny hand, smiling ever-so-slightly as he watched the life leave her rust-hued eyes through blurrily tearful violet orbs.

X.x.X

I woke with a start, already sobbing without control, shaking every bit as badly as I had on that night. Thunder rolled in the distant recesses of my mind, and no amount of breathing exercises could clear my head of those gruesome images. I cried into the pillow shamefully for quite some time, before glancing at the glowing numbers of my alarm clock. Four twenty-seven. I had nearly three hours before I would need to be up for school.

Normally, on these occasions, I would roll out of bed, slink into a burning hot shower and stay there for as long as the water heater would allow, gathering my nerve, before clambering out and dressing, then wasting time until morning came. On this night, however, there was a visitor sleeping in my living room.

I was at a loss. Should I shower, trying to rid myself of the images and the doubtlessly red tinge to my eyes and risk waking Demyx? Or should I wait here until morning, dreading the questions that were sure to come if I was caught with tear stains on my face?

I chose the former nervously, and collected my belongings for the shower. I shut the bathroom door as quietly as I could, silently cursing its creaky nature. The water was almost hot enough to burn my skin, but I didn't flinch away from it in the slightest. I gathered myself, forcing my breath to even out deliberately, cracking my knuckles until my hands stopped shaking of their own accord.

It was then that I cursed the world upon spotting the bruises forming there on my right hand, near my knuckles. I must have been thrashing around again and hit something with my hand, meaning I had made noise… Meaning my little secret might be officially out.

Fuck.

The water turned cold far too soon for my liking and I was forced from the refuge of the shower and into clean clothes, shivering almost violently in the heatless air. Ava and I didn't have the spare munny to waste on heating bills. We simply did without. It always made for a less than pleasant experience getting out of bed and the shower, but it was far better than having nothing to eat.

I towel-dried my hair before combing it into my usual style, covering one of my still red-tinged eyes with the dark fringe. Then I flipped off the light and opened the door carefully, stealthily creeping in the direction of my bedroom.

Too bad I had already been caught.

"Is something wrong, Zexion? Or do you always get up this early?" Demyx whispered sleepily from only a few feet away from me, having stood up from his place on the couch. He smiled at me slightly, before walking closer, turning on a dull light on the television cabinet. It was just bright enough to illuminate our faces, revealing, no doubt, my post-tear eyes.

Demyx frowned a little. "This isn't normal for you, is it?"

No, Demyx. Frankly, I was used to being left alone until morning comes, which is plenty of time to get over the gods-damned nightmares that plagued my mind every other time I closed my eyes.

"I'm sorry about earlier, by the way," The blond added quickly upon seeing my glare. "I didn't mean to touch on anything too personal. Sorry."

He meant it. Gods, I would have preferred to hear him lying! Then I could blow him off again without that pesky conscience attacking me about it later. I sighed irritably, but nodded in acceptance of his apology.

I turned on a second light and plopped onto the couch, knowing when I'd lost. Demyx sat down next to me, his hands folded uselessly in his lap. "What was it about?" he asked quietly.

I jumped slightly, and turned to face him, sending him what I hoped was a questioning glance.

"The nightmare," He elaborated stubbornly. "You should talk about it. It might help you feel better."

But I don't talk, Demyx! You know that! What do you expect me to say?! I glared silently.

"Look, it's obvious that there's nothing wrong with your voice, Zexion. People that _can't_ talk don't act the way you do. It's definitely not that you _can't_ talk to me! It's that you _won't_."

He was right. I must admit: I was surprised. Here I had thought of him as some kind of simpleton, when in all reality he was on the right side smarter than me even, perhaps. I had never felt like more of a jackass in my entire life.

"Sometimes the bad things go away when you confide them in someone, you know." Demyx murmured seriously. I stared at him, even pushing my limp and still damp bangs away from the eye they normally covered for the sake of seeking out his true intentions. Surely, he was not saying these things because he truthfully wanted to help me. There had to be a logical explanation for all this.

He smiled then, a hint of mirth shining in those impossibly hued eyes. "Hmm, what could possibly be going through your mind, Zexy?"

"Leave me alone," I muttered turning to face my lap.

I heard the blond beside me intake a sharp breath. "What?"

I looked up at him coldly. "I said leave me alone." I'm not going to talk to you. I refuse.

Demyx grinned then. I raised an eyebrow at him. The smile widened. "You talked to me."

I growled before clambering to my feet and shuffling into the kitchen to turn on the coffee maker. Ava would be awake soon, and in need of her morning fix, and today, I could use some liquid calm as well.

Demyx, blatantly ignoring my annoyance, followed me from the living room, still smiling a little. He said nothing as he helped himself to a cup of the caffeinated brew.

Finally, just as I thought I would be free from his pestering as Ava could be heard stirring in her bedroom, Demyx placed a tender hand on my shoulder and whispered, "Don't worry, your secrets are safe with me… Both of them."

I scowled and shrugged his hand off. The little irritant! I wasn't certain there were even words in the English language to describe my emotions towards the blond. Not that it really mattered.

Truth be told – as that is what I strive for in telling you my story, I was angry at him for seeing through me so effortlessly, and so without passing judgments. He was supposed to think of me as a nobody. He was supposed to hate me for being the cretin I was, not look through my walls as if they were windows. I was supposed to be much more opaque than this.

It was now apparent that distance was required. I would need to remain as far from the blond and his friends as I could. Regrettably, I only had one class that did not involve one of them. This could end up being much more arduous than I had initially thought…

X.x.X.x.X

Longest chapter yet! Ten whole pages! XD And I feel a little dumb, yet really brilliant at the same time, because here I was writing chapter five when it occurred to me (actually it felt sort of like Zexion, who doesn't care too much for me at the moment and for good reason, smacked me across the face with a brick and screamed it at me…) that Zexion definitely has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in this fic. I didn't even actually intend for it to come out that way in particular… but that's what it is. I looked it up online and all the crap I was already putting him through on a daily basis fits every sign for PTSD. Ha, ha? Who'd have thought? -runs away from a livid Zexion- Demyx! Help! Get this guy away from me!!

Demyx: What? Are you kidding? I don't get in his way when he gets like this. 8P

Me: I will kill off your sister!

Demyx: So? It's just Larxene. I mean, sure she plays the role of being my sis in this story, but not originally. She creeps me out actually…

Me: -stops running- Me too… -gets killed by Zexion- Curses! Foiled again!! -dies-

Love eternal to **LittleLoneLiar**, **xGothicxSerenityx**, **stargazer101**, and **pride1289**! You are great people for reviewing! Thanks to you all! -hands out cyber brownies-

Oh! And I nearly forgot to mention my not-actually-beta-but-kindof-one-since-she-read-this-before-anyone-else: Georgia! -glomps- If it wasn't for her, I may not have put this story up in the first place! XD Remember that wack camping trip, chika? The one where I showed you the pathetic first draft of the pro and chap1 of this story? Yuppers, if it wasn't for your inspirational talk about the group of friends and stuff to get me moving, this chapter defiantly would not be written yet! -sweat drops-

I pass out fresh and gooey cyber brownies to my reviewers! YOU CANNOT DENY THE BROWNIES!! lols -is a little hyped up on chocolate- -eHe


	5. Chapter 4 Honest Mendacities

**Song I was thinking of/listening to while writing the music room scene:**

"Guardian Angel" by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Chapter Four: Honest Mendacities

I had spent the next two weeks skipping lunch and avoiding Demyx and Axel wherever I went. I found immediately that disassociating myself with the group meant I was now free game among the other students for beatings and on the calmer of days, only jeering.

With November halfway through, the days were chilly and the nights had grown brutally cold. My sleeping habits were beginning to deteriorate rapidly, and over all, my life had taken a dive far below its normal standards.

It was on the Tuesday of the third week that I decided on a whim to visit the music room during free period. Subconsciously, I was probably looking for some of that peace I had found there, but in my mind, it was just a simple, unexplainable desire for a change of scenery. The school librarian was quite an atrocious woman after all.

I heard vague murmurings from the other side of the door when I reached my destination, so I hesitated, listening to an acoustic guitar strum and a soft voice singing that was male, but not Axel. I wondered vaguely who's it could be, but was more perplexed with the song's lyrics. Whoever it was, he seemed to feel that he would gladly do anything for someone, even die, without feeling remorse for the act.

The song was beautiful, but foolish. Why would someone ask another person to use him as they will, pulling whatever stings and controlling him just for the entertainment it would cause? It seemed… like something a lunatic would do for love, regardless of if it could ever be returned for him.

Heh, it seems I speak of lunatics quite a lot, don't I?

When the song reached its end a second voice that I recognized as Axel's muttered, "That's nice. You wrote it yourself?"

"Yeah, it needs a lot of work though," The singer answered. I gasped slightly. Now that the voice was speaking normally, I recognized it as Demyx's. I crashed silently into the wall beside the door, straining my ears for… Well, I didn't really know what. "The second verse is awkward, and the tone of the whole thing could use some tweaking, but…"

"It's the first song you've written in a while that you liked enough to sing."

Demyx chuckled. "Yeah, well…"

"I like it." Axel concluded. "It's right up your alley, eh?" Silence ensued for a few seconds as Demyx fiddled with the guitar. "You didn't write it about someone, did you?" Axel asked suddenly, his tone suggesting he knew the answer already and was less than approving.

"Sort of…" Demyx answered feebly.

"It isn't about-"

"What if it is?" Demyx cut his friend off sharply. "Got a problem?"

"Yes." Axel's voice hardened. "What's come over you lately, man? This isn't healthy."

"What do you know about it?" Demyx's voice strained a little on that demand. I could easily imagine the scowl on his face and the tears forming in those unique eyes. "He-"

"He's a fucking douche bag, Dem. He discounts the things people do for him because he's too selfish to realize that the world doesn't revolve around his skinny little ass!"

I heard the scraping of a folding chair abruptly and Demyx nearly shouted, "He needs reaching out to. And someone has to do it!"

"It doesn't have to be you!"

"Who else will?!"

There was a long moment of tense silence before Axel murmured, suddenly very quiet, "You can't rescue someone who doesn't want to be saved. I was just speaking for everyone, Dem. We're worried about you."

"And I'm worried about Zexion." Demyx concluded sternly. "You might very well be right, but on the off-chance you're not – on the off-chance that he _does_ want to be rescued, I'm willing to risk everything I have to get him out of there."

"How?"

"He needs reaching out to… I just – I don't know how to do it." The blond musician admitted, defeated. "He's cooped up inside himself for some reason or another… And… And I want to see what he'd be like if he wasn't stuck in there…"

Axel sighed. "In the scheme of things, what difference will it really make?"

"I don't know…"

"So you're willing to waste your time?" My mind's eye pictured one of Axel's narrow eyebrows rising towards his hairline.

"Wouldn't you be?"

Chair legs scraped against the floor and I listened as the boys in the music room collected their things, neither speaking. In that moment, perplexed as I was at the conversation I had overheard, fearful of what any of it might mean, I did the only thing my mind could lead me to do.

I pushed off from the wall violently and ran back the way I had come. I _needed_ to distance myself from them. I could feel my heart racing at a far greater pace than was necessary for the speed my feet were moving, my breath coming in short, airless gasps. My world was spinning and for the first time in a very long time, I heard _her voice_, but I was not sleeping.

I yelped audibly as the color red burst through my mind and into my eyes, blinding me from the real world. I heard the scraping of bending metal, the screams, and the sirens far off. I felt the pain in my right thigh, fresh as if the wound was made only seconds ago. I saw blood – too much of it, coming from everything.

I ran faster, trying desperately to escape the scene before me, brought back to life after so many years. I raced the memories blindly, tumbling down what must have been a flight of stairs, through a door and into the cold winter air.

Suddenly, sight burst back to me and I fell to the ground, heaving. I looked up slowly, and was astonished to find myself in Demyx's favorite place: the wooded area beside the school.

It was different in the wintertime. Barren of grass and leaves, the area felt lonely and dismal, but there was still an eerie sort of beauty about the place. I crawled to the base of a large tree and leaned against it, catching my breath.

Flashbacks… I hadn't had a conscious one in nearly ten years… They were always so much worse then the dreams. Instead of waking up, knowing it was my mind playing cruel tricks, I could do nothing but curl up in a corner somewhere, and usually sob until I felt less like a hurt six-year-old, and more like someone my own age. But I couldn't cry here. I had a class to attend that had probably already started and a reputation of being a heartless, cold, (How had Axel put it? Oh, yes,) 'a fucking douche bag' to keep up.

I fisted my hair tightly, pulling on it harshly, willing the images to _fade out_ already. I tucked my legs up to my body and focused on breathing, shivering as a cold wind whipped around the school building and across my coatless body. Gnawing on my bottom lip, I stood up shakily; deciding that home was the best place for me right now.

It wasn't like I would really be missed in history anyway… At least, not by anyone but Demyx. Just thinking the name made me shudder, screwing my eyes closed tightly and trying not to remember what I had heard.

X.x.X

I wasn't asked by anyone where I had gone at the end of the day, but I knew people had seen me running through the halls like a madman and the resulting rumors spread like wildfire.

The end of the week came sluggishly and when I finally collapsed into the apartment on Friday afternoon looking forward to having a few days off for Thanksgiving, save for work, I was shocked to find Ava rushing back and forth, packing a suitcase.

I stared for quite some time before she acknowledged my presence with an explanation. "My mother called. Dad's in the hospital again, and she needs me home for Thanksgiving. I'm sorry, Zex, I really am, but we're not sure if he's going to make it and Kaelin needs me there."

I nodded in understanding. Kaelin was Ava's younger brother. He was only nine, and I could imagine how badly he would want his sister to be home at such a difficult time. It wasn't as if Ava owed me anything anyway.

"You don't have to work over the break, by the way. Some other things will be going on there while I'm away, and I really need to avoid questions about how old you are and stuff, okay?"

I nodded again, but a bit more hesitantly this time. Ava caught my trepidation instantly, "Don't worry about the rent, we'll jump that hurdle when it gets here." With that, she swept into the kitchen muttering something about lost car keys and I was left alone in the living room.

Something tweaked in my chest at that moment. Maybe it was a late realization that I would be alone for a family holiday that got to me, or maybe it was belated childish aftermath from Tuesday's fiasco, but I was suddenly dreading the silent days to come.

I shed my heavy black trench coat and hung it on its hook, next to the one where Ava's blue down ski jacket normally perched. Then I waited for my roommate to realize that her keys were still in her pocket and not in the kitchen.

As if on cue, the woman stalked into the room, clutching the spoken of keys and winked at me. She opened the door and heaved her bag onto her shoulder. Then she turned to face me. "One last thing: I invited Demyx over here for the weekend."

I groaned.

"Oh, don't be like that. I don't want you all alone in this house on the first day of a vacation. There are weirdoes who are bound to be drunk all over this part of town tonight. There's power in numbers. So be nice." On that note, she swept from the house and was gone.

X.x.X

Demyx showed up shortly after, carrying with him a guitar case. "Hey!" he said, smiling sheepishly, as he had not spoken to me in over a week. "How's it going?"

I shrugged noncommittally, stepping out of his way so he could enter the apartment. He smiled at me again before shrugging out of his rain-soaked coat and hanging it on Ava's hook.

There was an awkward silence between us for several minuets, which was broken by Demyx pulling his guitar from its case and playing some bouncy tune on it. I watched in awe as he showed off his skill with the complexity of the song, that ever-present smile still gracing his pinkish lips. When the song was over, Demyx looked at me and asked the most bizarre and out of place question one could possibly ask in a situation of this kind: "Do you happen to have any chocolate chips?"

I raised an eyebrow and shook my head.

"Damn," He muttered, "I wanted to make some cookies…"

I rolled my eyes. All this tenseness, the way I had been avoiding him for nearly three weeks, the things I had overheard him and Axel talking about (although he didn't know about that) and all Demyx had to say for himself was that he wanted to bake some cookies? It was absurd, it was laughable…. It was brilliant.

I smirked and took myself to the kitchen, searching the cabinets for ingredients. Demyx caught on to my quest abruptly and bounded into the small space, looking around as well. After several minuets of fruitless searching, Demyx dug a hand into one of his jeans' pockets to reveal a battered wallet.

He counted his money and glanced at the clock on the wall before turning to me and grinning mischievously. "To the grocery store!" He declared comically, stuffing his wallet back in its place and punching the air with his other hand.

Shopping with Demyx was an… interesting experience… That is to say the very least. We came in for sugar, butter, flour, chocolate chips and milk. By the time Demyx declared us as ready to check out, we had a cart full of those things, plus all sorts of extras, including: skittles, chocolate milk mix, crackers, cheese wiz, a quart of rocky road ice cream, peanut butter cups, bagels, strawberry flavored cream cheese, a small loaf of angel food cake, two cans of Redi-Whip, a bottle of grape flavored pop, and a deck of playing cards.

I was glad for one thing as I unlocked the door to the apartment, still a bit flushed from the embarrassment of it all: I had not had to pick up the bill for all this splurging. Demyx had happily paid for it all himself, to my great relief.

X.x.X

Demyx Harper was, without a doubt, wholly, totally, alarmingly, stunningly, _amazingly_ mad right out of his mind. I hated the disorder of it all… and yet… I reveled in the way he made me think. I mean _really think_. It wasn't until two in the morning, when the cookies (which were in varying states of being incorrectly cooked, from burnt to a crisp, which we promptly disposed of, to under-done and gooey and delicious) were gone and the skittle bag was open before us as we sat on the lumpy couch watching late night anime cartoons that I really came to think about my life as it was.

I was… lost a bit, I suppose. I knew why I had blocked myself away, and I still believed in my logic, but something in me was… _amiss_. Why was it that Demyx, whose heart was so exceedingly open to attack it made me shudder, so much happier than me, who closely guarded that heart of stone I seemed to have? What was it about him that was so much _better_? Besides all of the obvious things, like being well liked by his peers, and being outgoing, and loud, and flamboyant, and musically brilliant and – and handsome?

No it wasn't like what you're thinking, okay? I never did think too much on my appearance… Except for when I was comparing myself to Demyx at times like this one. There was no denying that Demyx had a certain appeal to women. He was charming and sweet on top of being relatively tall and tan, with an attractive face and those… those _eyes_.

There was also no denying that I possessed not one of those positive attributes. I was short and pale, and much too thin, and withdrawn. My hair never wanted to do anything but flop about dully, and my eyes were harsh and cold from years of being this way. I had made myself into this anathema, and now I had to live with the curse.

That was the worst part of it all, I think. I had brought myself to this state… and there was no escaping it. I couldn't let people get near to me… And even if I wanted to I – I didn't know that I'd know how.

Demyx frowned over at me before saying, "What's wrong?"

I jumped out of my revere and shook my head a little.

"Something is wrong," The blond persisted, those damn eyes piercing my soul, "You can tell me, can't you? I'm your friend."

I twitched slightly, shaking my head, "N-no…" I whispered. He – He was lying! He – He wasn't! We weren't! … I thought I was going to be ill on the spot.

"Zexion?"

I coughed and turned away, hastily trying to disguise my trembling hands before they were noticed. I was too late. Demyx grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me to face him, staring directly into my eyes determinedly.

"Why do you keep doing this, Zex?" He asked, eyebrows furrowing slightly. "Every time I think we're starting to get close, you run away."

I diverted my eyes in shame. He released me after a long pause only to seal the skittles bag and clean up the living room some. He turned back to me, shooting me a grin – _that damn grin_, the one I couldn't stand, and could never figure out why. "I'm tired, aren't you? We should probably go to bed."

I nodded wordlessly and stood wobbly, only to hobble into my bedroom without another word, shutting the door with a barely audible _click_. I leaned against it silently, listening intently to Demyx's actions on the other side. I heard him sigh before a rustling of blankets told me he was crawling into the bed he made for himself on the couch.

I sighed too and collapsed into my bed.

X.x.X

I didn't know what time it was when I first heard the soft guitar music the next morning, but it lulled me to dreamland and back several times before I actually found the ambition to roll out of bed.

I walked into the living room only to find Demyx there of course, with his guitar on his lap and a spiral notebook setting open next to a half-eaten bagel smothered in strawberry flavored cream cheese on the coffee table. Demyx hummed something, apparently unaware of his new audience, played a few chords, and then marked on the notebook.

He smiled a little before placing the pen down and playing a few simple notes, singing, "You and me, baby ain't nothing but mammals. So let's do it how they do on the discovery channel!"

I gasped indignantly. Demyx let out a loud laugh, looking over at me with those impossibly bright eyes. "Well, good morning, sunshine. Didn't think I knew you were there, did you?"

I growled and plopped onto the couch beside him, rolling my eyes at his childishness.

"What, you want to hear the real song I'm writing?" The blond inquired, catching my attention. At my interested glance, he smirked. "Sorry, no can do. Not until it's finished, at least." He wagged a single pointer finger at me mockingly.

I sighed and stood up, going into the kitchen where I flipped on the coffee pot and sank into my usual seat at the table. Demyx followed soon after, still glowing after his little prank.

"You're looking lively," He commented sarcastically as he sat across from me. I shrugged. He sighed. "Will you come with over to my place for Thanksgiving supper?"

I raised an eyebrow. Why?

"Well, it's just that it's a big deal with my family, and you're all alone over here and… Oh, come on, please?"

I shook my head.

"Why not?"

I shrugged then, trying to convince myself that my lack of a response did not reveal my lack of a proper answer.

"Please? I know from experience with you last night that you're not the best cook in the world. If for nothing else, come for the free meal?"

I sighed and looked away from his pathetic puppy-dog pout. I wasn't going to win this… "Fine."

X.x.X.x.X

YAY! Another update! Shopping with Demyx is just like shopping with me on the weekend! lols I luffles him! XD

I have a bit of bad news, however… I'm having a 'complication' with my father at the moment that is more than likely going to stall my updates for the next two months. I will probably not have much if any time for writing in that period, because my dad is being impossible. Fret not, though! I still have one complete chapter pre-written that I will update as soon as I get a chance to edit, and I'm having WAY too much fun with this story to drop it entirely. THIS IS NOT A HIATUS. I just thought you wonderful people had the right to know why I'm stressed and possibly not updating the way I normally do. (in a nutshell, at least)

Demyx: I'll blow up your dad's water bed! -

Me: Thanks, Demmy. Really, but… my dad doesn't have a water bed. --

Demyx: Damn it!

Zexion: I could put him under so many conflicting illusions that he goes crazy and actually begins to believe himself to be a 18th century milkmaid.

Me: -gasps- you'd do that… For me? -blushes-

Zexion: No. Not really.

Me: D8 -dies-

My reviewers, **Silver Kitsune42**, **xGothicxSerenityx**,** LittleLoneLiar**,and **Rosedy White **get brownies as promised! -passes them out- (or have some cookies if that is what you would prefer) And you get endless love too! -glomps-


	6. Chapter 5 Evinced in Repose

Chapter Five: Evinced in Repose

Dinner with the Harper family was a surprisingly average affair. Mr. Harper was a tall bold man with a gruff voice and a scratchy blond beard that was sprinkled with bits of grey, matching his hair. Mrs. Harper was a stout and caring woman who talked much too much, but was kind enough and cooked an excellent turkey. She had blue eyes and light brown hair that was almost reddish. Larxene did not curse in her parents' presence and Demyx boiled his attitude down a little to a slight roar. Over all, they were a pleasantly normal family.

It was the Harper residence that caught my attention most of all. Demyx and Axel had lived in the same neighborhood their whole lives, being close friends and neighbors to each other forever.

I guess it never occurred to me that those two were products of such great wealth. The house was two stories tall with a clean foyer that lead to a living room and billiard room on one side, and a kitchen and formal dining room on the other. There was a coat closet and a spotless bathroom on the first floor as well, one on either side of the staircase, which was built of shining hardwood that matched the floors of the whole downstairs.

Upstairs there were four bedrooms and two more bathrooms, one with the master suite and the other to be shared by the children. The spare bedroom was furnished into an in-home office.

Demyx grinned sheepishly as he led me into his room. It was a decent size, not too large for its purpose. The walls were sloppily painted a bright ocean-blue color that clashed beautifully with the skillfully decorated entirety of the house. The walls were coated with countless band posters and the black and blue striped bedspread was messily pulled over the full sized bed, suggesting it was rarely made properly. Knick-knacks of all shapes and sizes littered every flat space in the room, from the bedside table to the messy dresser to the two tall bookshelves against the far wall that sat on either side of the equally busy desk. Three music stands overflowed with music books in one corner, next to the acoustic guitar case I knew well enough and a simply gorgeous deep blue hued electric guitar on its stand next to three amps, one of which had been partly dismantled to make some sort of repair. Near to that were a few other instrument cases, what exactly they held, I could only guess.

I let out a sigh of relief. So Demyx really _did_ live in this house. I was beginning to wonder.

"Sorry about the mess," Demyx said, pulling me further into the room and closing the door behind us. "It's sort of, not the easiest room in the house to dust, you know?" He chuckled and I smirked.

"So," he continued, falling back onto his bed with a smile. "How do you like my family?"

I shrugged. They were nice enough, I suppose, but not at all like I was expecting.

The musician chuckled. "Yeah, I know what you mean. They're not the sort of parents that you'd think would raise kids like me and Larx, huh?"

I nodded, setting myself down carefully at the foot of the bed.

X.x.X

I don't remember when I fell asleep, but I vividly remember waking up with a shout, trembling violently at the images I had just faced. Her voice… It just wouldn't leave me alone. I rubbed my face, jumping horridly upon finding my palms to be wet and sticky. What the-?

"Zexy?" Demyx leaned over me, a worried expression barely visible in the dim light. He took one look at my hands which I held out in front of my chest, mouth gaping open in bewildered shock, and gasped, jumping to action. He pulled me to my feet and led me down the hall to the bathroom where he flipped on the light and shut the door hurriedly before turning on the sink's faucet and plunging my hands under the cold spout.

I hissed in pain as the blood washed away from my hands, revealing four small crescent-shaped punctures on each palm from where my finger nails had broken the skin during my nightmare. With my hands still in the sink, Demyx fretted around, trying to remember where the first aid kit was kept. He found it seconds later and pulled one hand from the sink at a time, drying and bandaging them carefully.

When he had finished I sank onto the toilet seat, staring at my now bandaged hands. This had never happened before…

Demyx took my chin in his hand, pulling my eyes up to meet his. Then he took a warm, damp washcloth to my face, cleaning away the evidence of the blood… And of my tears.

"Does this happen often?" he whispered delicately. I shook my head, still utterly dumbfounded. He let out a shaky breath. It was then that I noticed the unnatural pallor of the blond teen. I raised a questioning eyebrow at which he chuckled dryly. "I don't do too well with blood." He admitted shakily. "It's okay now, though… Come on."

I followed him silently back to his bedroom, where he flipped on a small light and shut the door inaudibly. Then he gestured for me to sit on his bed instead of the cot that had been put together for my use.

I sat down, shutting off all of the waterworks as well as the pounding emotional wildfire in my gut.

Demyx sat next to me seriously. "Can we talk?"

I looked up and him, raising an eyebrow. "Talk." I deadpanned.

"No." Demyx countered. "_I'm_ not going to sit here and talk. If we're going to talk, _We'll_ talk."

"Then no." I revised.

The blond groaned. "How long do you plan on staying locked up in that shell?"

As long as there are people that are stupid enough to try and get inside it.

He rolled his eyes irritably at my lack of reply. "Will you please cut the crap? I want to get to know you, and nothing I do is working. Kind and honest failed, blatant and honest isn't fairing much better, what do I have to do?"

"Just leave me alone," I muttered.

Demyx sighed. "Let me make a deal with you. If you explain to me _truthfully_ why you want me to go away, and I buy it, then I won't bug you again when school starts back up."

I glanced up at him gingerly. He was serious about this, holding his right hand out to shake. I hesitated, but took it. "Bad things happen…" I muttered to the comforter.

Demyx took my chin in his hand and trained my eyes on his, not unlike the way he had in the bathroom. "What do you mean?"

My hands balled into fist of their own accord, and my sight became oddly blurry. Oh, _hell no_! I was _not_ about to cry! "B-bad things h-happen to the people that care about me…" I stuttered just before wrenching myself from the blonde's grasp to violently wipe away the threatening tears. "Fuck," I muttered. I hated being this weak.

"I'm sorry." Demyx said quietly. "I didn't know this was going to be this hard…" I looked up at him suddenly, seeing the tears filling his eyes. "Actually, that's a lie. I _did_ know it was going to be rough… I just thought I'd handle it better." He laughed weakly. "I guess I'm just a useless little softy, huh?"

I stared at him for a long time. Why was he so worked up about all this? "Tell me about it." I commanded hoarsely.

Demyx jumped, "About what?"

"The stuff that's wrong."

It was then the blonde's turn to look at his hands in shame… or was it fear? "The fight? It was over my parents, actually… I wanted to tell them- something… But Larxene thought I shouldn't… She always worries too much about me!" He laughed bitterly. Then he looked back up at me grinning that damn fake grin. "But it doesn't matter, really."

Wait! That was it! _That_ was why I hated that grin so much. It was _fake_. I frowned darkly. Axel was right about me. I thought the whole damn world revolved around my miseries, that I was the only one with problems. But I wasn't. I was clinging to the sorrows of the past when there were people with problems _right now_ that were wasting their time worrying over me when they should be taking care of themselves!

"You're crying." I pointed out blandly, showing no signs of the epiphany I had just reached.

Demyx wiped the cursed wetness from his eyes violently. "No I'm not." He grinned that fake grin again.

I growled, and lost it completely. "Will you _please_ stop smiling _that fucking smile_?!" I hissed furiously.

The musician gasped. "W-what?"

"The gods-damned false smile!" I explained in a dangerously low voice. "I can't fucking _stand it_ anymore!" I grabbed his shoulders roughly. "You want to talk? You start."

Demyx sat very still for a moment, then, as if he had been waiting a long time to do so, he threw himself against my chest, clinging to my shirt with tightly clenched fists. "I'm sorry," He sobbed, struggling to keep his voice down, "I thought no one noticed! I thought… Well it doesn't matter what I thought I guess, does it? The truth-"

"Demyx," I demanded a bit softer now than before, "One thing at a time."

He nodded into my chest. "I… I'm scared to tell you…"

"I'm listening," I murmured, hesitantly placing my hands on his shoulders. Was this what you were supposed to do when someone cried against your shoulder?

He shook his head feverishly. "You… You won't… like me anym-more…"

I took in a deep breath. "I think you were the one that said that confiding was a good idea… Maybe you were right after all…"

"It-it's just that… It's something that you won't like."

"Why?"

"It has to do w-with y-you a-a-and you'll h-hate me…" He tailed off.

"Just tell me," I said, loosing patience now.

"I fought with Larxene because I… I'm… different. And I wanted to tell my parents and be honest about the whole thing… But Larxene thought it would cause problems… She worries so much about me… She doesn't want Mom and Dad to discount me like they did with her when she got that first tattoo…"

"Different?" I asked, curious.

He shook his head again. "I'm such a dick head!" he exclaimed hurriedly, shoving himself back to a sitting position, pulling away from me. "Here I am, crying to you, as if you don't have enough on your plate! You have these fucking nightmares that leave you with bruises and fucking _cuts_ and _no family_ and – and n-no heat in your apartment! I must look like such a _spoiled brat_ right now to you."

I stared, but said nothing. This was obviously something he needed to get off his chest.

"I mean, here I am with everything I've ever wanted, and a family that cares about me and all kinds of friends… but… but I'm sitting here acting as if my life was some kind of tragedy!" He huffed heavily with tears streaming freely down his smooth cheeks.

"I'm not sure I understand what you're talking about," I pressed.

He looked at the comforter then, sniffing. "I… I'm gay." He admitted finally, speaking at such a low volume I nearly missed it.

That was it? He was gay? That huge deal he made of it and that was the big thing that he should be hated for? I didn't believe it.

"You're gay." I repeated.

Demyx flinched, but nodded.

"Okay." I said finally, in a slightly lighter tone than before.

The blonde's head shot up in disbelief. "That's it?"

I shrugged. "That's it."

He smiled a little. "I'm sorry for making it into a catastrophe."

I shrugged noncommittally. "With what I know of your parents, I'm not surprised you're so upset over it."

The musician hiccupped slightly. "Are you going to tell me about your nightmares now?"

I sighed, thinking hard. I should… It was only right to come out and be honest. Demyx had, after all… I wanted to, I really did… but…

I shook my head.

"Why not?" Demyx asked, downtrodden.

I wasn't _strong enough_. I wasn't strong enough to face it. I wasn't strong enough to let someone else in. I just couldn't make myself form the words.

Demyx watched my inner conflict as it reflected on my face. Then he smiled a little, clearing his throat to gain my attention. "Someday?" He asked innocently, smiling a slight smile that I could tell had good intentions.

I couldn't help but allow the corners of my mouth to curve upwards slightly. "Maybe…" I concluded.

Yes… Maybe. Maybe I could _become_ strong enough…

"And you're okay with me being…?"

I nodded honestly. Why would I mind it, anyway? But… "Demyx, we shouldn't be friends."

I watched the reflection of his heart break in the pools of his eyes. "Why?"

"I told you," I muttered, looking at the comforter again, "Bad things happen to the people that care about me. I don't-"

"Oh, shove off!" The blond spat furiously, his mood changing rapidly. "Stop trying to protect me! Everyone is always protecting me!" He rotated to his knees, towering above me, placing his hands on my shoulders to hold me in place. "I want to make my own mistakes, Zexion! Can't I choose who to care about?"

My mouth hung open slightly in awe. He wasn't serious, was he? I certainly was dead serious. This was a life and death situation and he was brushing it off as an opportunity to make some mistakes?

"I want to care about who _I_ want to care about. Not who someone else thinks would be best for me." He concluded harshly. "And after all," His voice softened, and he leaned back then, becoming less of an opposing force. "You've never talked to anyone I know as much as you talked to me tonight. That must count for something, no?"

I hadn't even realized, but he was right. I talked to him. Really. And I hadn't felt out of place, or pained, or- or like I was hurting him. What could this mean?

As I sat with Demyx on his bed, in the middle of the night, knowing that neither of us was likely to sleep anymore before morning, a new thought occurred to me. Maybe my heart wasn't stone. Maybe it just seemed to be, but was more fragile, like – like porcelain? Hard and tough in appearance, but in reality more breakable than the average impedimenta?

If that was true, could I really trust Demyx with it? And more importantly, could I even trust myself?

X.x.X.x.X

Wow. I almost put something really dark and sad in the beginning of this chapter (Stargazer, you'll remember what it is) but I didn't want to over-do the 'drama' (meaning emo-ness) in any given chapter, so that's my explanation for this one being a little shorter than normal. Anyways that scene I'm talking about morphed from its original intention to said dark and sad thing anyway, which bothered me because my mental image was one of peace and (dare I say it) fluff. Obviously, it didn't happen, so I cut it for future placement. -makes face-

AH! Something I realized was I gave **LittleLoneLiar** I spoiler about a week ago for this chapter without knowing it over a DA conversation! We were talking about the story or something and I told him that I really feel for Demyx in that scene, because I had just finished writing it and I had a stupid moment and forgot that he was thinking about the _other_ time Zexion has violent nightmares that leave him with bruises. -sweatdrops- I was defiantly thinking about the bloodied hands, when he was thinking about the bruised knuckles. lols Sorry man! -rolls eyes- Poor Demmy! It really sucks to wake someone from a violent nightmare. I would defiantly know. Because I have a really odd sister.

Right, well, as this is chapter five, I'd like to acknowledge my 'ghost readers' (aka faves and alert people that don't review) as well as my reviewers, **Rosedy White**, **LittleLoneLiar**, and **youngnozomi**. This chapter is for you! You guys all rock! Even if I would appreciate a review from you silent (or just shy?) people too. –hugs-

Regardless, I'll see you guys on the other side! XD


	7. Chapter 6 A Gossamer Fellowship

Chapter Six: A Gossamer Fellowship

I woke slowly next, not opening my eyes at first, but wondering vaguely where I might be that there was a warm weight on my right shoulder. It wasn't uncomfortable, just something I was unaccustomed to. I rolled my sore neck; eyes still closed against the day, and realized I was sitting up, leaning against some hard surface… A wall?

The pressure on my shoulder shifted slightly and sighed. At that I started, my eyes shooting open, suddenly very awake. Then I sighed. Of course. I was sitting on Demyx's bed, leaning against the wall. The warm weight on my shoulder was his head. We must have ended up falling asleep after the discussion the night before.

He still slept soundly against me, blissfully ignorant of my minor panic attack. He snuggled against me a little more, smiling in his sleep. I flinched, having never been very good at the whole cuddle-thing. Eck… I watched him for a moment, holding my breath, calming down forcibly.

The boy's dirty blond hued hair was mussed and knotted, his eyelids twitching slightly every now and then, mirroring whatever dream he must have been having. He muttered something incoherent, pouting his full almost pink lips, frowning a little. I sighed. He wasn't so bad I guess. I mean, at least he wasn't snoring… or drooling.

I watched him sleep for a few more minuets, marveling at his expressions and wondering vaguely what he must be dreaming. Finally, he rubbed his face against my shirt, opening his eyes sluggishly.

"Mmm, morning." He mumbled sleepily when his gaze met mine lifting his head off of my shoulder sleepily to lean instead against the wall. I shivered at the sudden loss of shared warmth, even though the Harper residence was well heated. "Sleep okay?"

I nodded, smirking at his half-consciousness.

"I had the weirdest dream," He yawned, sitting up fully now, blinking against the daylight.

"Hm?"

"Oh, it was crazy! You were in it…" He trailed off, going pink at the cheeks. I raised one eyebrow. Demyx grinned, suddenly very awake and jumped off of the bed ecstatically. "Let's make pancakes!"

What?

"My parents aren't home! They went to church!" He grabbed be by the wrists and yanked me quite unceremoniously from the bed. I glared at him, but tipped my head to the side in question. Church? On a Friday?

Demyx laughed, knowing what I meant. "Yeah, they're weird like that. Larx will be pissed, 'cause the only reason I didn't have to go is because you're here." He chuckled, running his fingers through his hair in an attempt to tame it. "She's not a big believer in Yevenism, and neither am I really, but our parents kinda' shove it down our throats." He giggled and tore out of the room and down the stairs into the spacious kitchen.

I followed tiredly, taking my time so as not to trip over my sleepy feet. When I reached the kitchen, Demyx was already busily dashing about, collecting the mix and flipper, and other peculiar items such as chocolate chips and blueberries. I raised an eyebrow at his instant energy, but sighed and almost smiled when he grinned at my appearance and put me directly to work.

I'll give it to him: Demyx made some spectacular pancakes. Every one was perfect and heavenly sweet, but not too much so. I ate my fill of them next to Demyx at the breakfast bar, relishing having real food in the morning, which never happened at my house. When we had finished, we did the dishes, disposing of the evidence of our – as he put it – crime. Then we settled back in his very blue bedroom on the bed, staring at each other in silence for quite some time.

Finally, Demyx cleared his throat and smiled weakly. "It's good to see you eating." He said brightly.

I raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"Oh, it's just that you don't eat at school, and you're so damn thin I thought-" he stopped himself there, blushing at the strangeness of his idea.

"Yes, I am defiantly anorexic." I said in good humor, smirking as the blonde's cheeks reddened further.

Demyx sputtered for a moment, before smiling and letting out a sigh, giving way to silence for another several seconds. Then he crawled off the bed and walked to the corner with the music equipment, grinning as he lifted the electric guitar from its place of honor. He turned back to me, smiling widely, running his fingers lovingly across the shiny blue finish.

"Her name is Nona," He whispered, eyes shining with unyielding love. "I got her for my birthday last year, instead of getting a car." He chuckled. "Axel thought I was nuts, but this is what I wanted." He perched himself on the edge of the bed, playing a few chords absently.

"It's nice." I murmured, staring at the instrument now, myself.

Demyx flashed me the brightest grin I had ever seen before playing a quick and bouncy melody, smile still in tact. The sun that shone in through the windows reflected off of the blond locks almost as much as the guitar's finish, making both seem a tenfold brighter and almost watery. He looked much like what I imagined an angel might look in person, even in nothing but a pair of boxers and an oversized t-shirt, with his hair still in disarray, and the slightest hint of dark under his bright green/hazel hued eyes from the events of the night before.

I found the music was taking me away, but not in the frightening way the flashbacks did. No, this was calming, invigorating, _wonderful_ and I found myself wishing I could stay here like this for the rest of time, listening to the tunes off the beautiful guitar named Nona and watching the sun shine off of Demyx _just like that_ forever.

I must have spaced out, because the next thing I knew I was being poked in the ribs. I squeaked in surprise, focusing back on Demyx, who was now smirking rather evilly at me, Nona having been placed back on her stand. When had that happened?

I didn't have much time to think about it, however, because Demyx poked me again then, causing my body to twitch of its own accord.

"You _are_ ticklish!" The blond before me exclaimed, before poking me again. I twisted away, glaring, dodging his attacks.

"I am not." I insisted, although my body proved otherwise at the musician's next attack which came instantly and did not yield at my struggles. Before I even knew what was occurring, I was laying on my back on the floor writhing under the pressure of the blonde sitting on my legs combined with his hands darting about my chest and sides, twitching around. The unavoidable urge to laugh came upon me, and totally under Demyx's mercy I gave in.

His ministrations did not let up, despite my pleas, until I had laughed so hard my eyes watered and my throat felt dry and overused. Then, finally, giggling himself, he rolled off of me and onto the floor, leaving both of us to catch our breath.

"That was great," Demyx laughed airily, staring at the ceiling with a small smile on his attractive face. I smirked.

In a moment of bitter (yet defiantly not) determination I leapt from my place on the floor, landing harshly on top of Demyx who gasped in surprise as I settled myself on his legs, trapping him there.

"What're you-" He had no time to say more, as my fingers had already descended upon him, returning the tickle-attack. He giggled heavily, twisting underneath me, begging for mercy, which I placidly refused to give, his eyes promptly beginning to water. I continued my efforts until liquid spilled from said eyes, his laughter half-gagging him and his breath coming too harshly for him to speak any further.

I ceased my actions then, but did not move as he struggled to catch his breath beneath me. I half smirked, half glared down at him when he wiped his still watering eyes, giggling a little still. "What was that for?" He whined pouting at me childishly.

My smirk widened. "Retaliation is fair play."

Demyx stuck out his tongue at me, his face very flushed from laughter. "I guess," He replied coolly, grinning wickedly up at me. At my raised eyebrow he laughed and explained smartly, "I got you to laugh. I got you to have fun and laugh and _mean it_ without making you mad." His grin was wide and prideful.

I scoffed and rolled my eyes, finally climbing off the other boy's legs, allowing him to sit up. "It doesn't mean anything," I muttered.

"Oh, I know that," Demyx said brightly, grunting a little as he sat up. "But at least now I know what you look like when you smile." At my bewildered expression, he chuckled. "You're cute."

My eyes widened of their own accord and I glanced away, feeling heat rise to my face. Demyx- He- I didn't even know what to think. My mind must've been flustered still from the tickle-fight, I thought vaguely, the dreaded heat not yet fading from my cheeks. I scoffed at him again, frowning darkly.

Demyx laughed at my reaction, pushing the hair out of my eyes. "Did I embarrass you?" He asked in feigned innocence.

I scowled and shook the hair back into its normal place. I liked my cover, thank-you-very-much. "This doesn't make us friends." I muttered, mustering the closest thing to a cold glare as I could manage.

The blonde's smile twitched slightly, but did not fade. "That's okay." He remarked honestly. "I don't care what you think of me, as long as you think of me." He grinned widely, but his eyes reflected a deeper emotion. One that I- I really didn't want to place.

I didn't voice my deeper thoughts, mainly because I feared them and their significance, but I knew it then; that if that hadn't made us friends, I'd be damned if I knew what could.

X.x.X

Ava returned that Sunday, much too tired to talk further than telling me that her father was stable again, which was certainly good news. After relaying that information, she retired to her room, leaving me to my own devises.

I found myself staring into the mirror late that night, hair pushed away from my face, trying to smile, just to see what it looked like. I frowned, glaring at my reflection. There was absolutely _nothing_ 'cute' about my smile. Nothing at all. In fact, it looked utterly ridiculous. Painfully ridiculous. I sighed and turned away from the horrible item, flipping off the bathroom light and retiring to bed, knowing I would need rest for school the following day.

However, sleep did not come easily. I spent a great length of time staring at the ceiling, thinking about what had happened on Thanksgiving. Now that I was alone, and able to think levelly I realized there were a few things that just did not add up with Demyx.

"_It-it's just that… It's something that you won't like." _That he was gay? I wasn't religious or anything. It only bothered me that he thought it _should_ bother me…

"_It has to do w-with y-you a-a-and you'll h-hate me…"_ I had hated him from the moment I met him, I had displayed every sign of _not_ enjoying his company from the very start, and yet he worried that I would hate him _now_? That just didn't make sense, even by the standards I had come to expect of Demyx. And what was it that had to do with me? I didn't understand.

I punched the mattress irritably. What the hell was going on? I glared at the nighttime darkness that swirled around my head as if it had stolen the answers.

_I didn't understand._

And then there was the issue of the guy's self esteem to consider. _"I guess I'm just a useless little softy, huh?" "You… You won't… like me anym-more…" "I'm such a dick head!" _

Damn it all to hell. This was not the beginning of the feelings, but it was the first time I would admit it to myself: I was _so unbearably_ jealous of Demyx Harper. He was so much stronger than me, even with all those insecurities that cut freshly very single day, while I fretted over decade-old scars that might have healed if I hadn't insisted in tearing them open anew whenever I thought I might_ matter_.

He was absolutely everything that I could never be, and yet there he was, trying to help me when in all reality, it would be so much better for him if he let me fade… If he just- let me go and worried about himself for once.

I clenched my fists harshly, wincing and releasing them instantly when the stinging memory of Thursday night entered my mind in conjunction with the sharp pain in the flesh of my hands where ugly scabs were left proof of the bizarre incident.

Demyx was… So selfless. He was cheerful to the extreme in sad situations, even lying to his friends so they wouldn't worry. He was always the one to smile and do something stupid just to make someone else laugh, as if he lived to brighten everyone else's day. He was clever beyond what one might expect, and much too sweet for his own benefit, and adventurous in ways most people only wish they could be, including myself. He was… He was _perfect_.

And yet, he wasn't. He was scared, and hurt, and only the gods knew what else. He needed someone to trust, to believe in, someone stable that he could lean on when he felt like he was about to fall. He needed someone to know when he was lying, and to call him out on it in private, to make him tell the truth about how he felt, to push him to ask for help, instead of cramming everything away for a lie that _sounded nice_. A lie that – if I knew anything at all – was drowning him on the inside.

I chuckled bitterly. And I had thought _my_ walls were seamless and thick. Demyx's were so perfect; one wouldn't even know they were there unless they had seen what I had on Thursday night.

I didn't know what to do. All I knew was that something deep and painful was going on… Something I couldn't quite grasp… Something that maybe… Maybe Demyx wanted me to figure out. I scowled into the night. I would like to help Demyx, really, but- But I couldn't even succeed in helping myself! And further than even that, I-

_I didn't __**understand**__._

X.x.X

I started to hang out with Demyx and the others at school again on Monday, steering as clear of Axel as I could, and remaining weary of Larxene. Demyx was delighted and made certain to glare harshly at anyone who had said or done bad things to me during my absence from the group's protection, even his friend Riku, who had led a rather nasty confrontation with me after school one day that left me with a very ugly bruise on my collarbone that had only barely been covered by my school shirt until it faded.

Roxas had told two girls off pointedly when they wanted to ask why he and Demyx were spending time with 'a looser' like me. They had strutted away with their noses pointed at the ceiling, whispering furiously to each other about the creative language the younger blond had used to describe how he felt about them. Roxas smirked proudly while Demyx leaned against me for support, bent over with hysterical laughter.

Everything went relatively smoothly for the rest of that week, and for half of the next. Unfortunately, that Wednesday was when I ran out of luck.

I walked down the virtually empty hallways, having been kept back for a moment by my history teacher. Demyx, who normally waited for me after school was no where to be found. I turned a corner, only to gasp and nearly drop my loose books at the sight that met my eyes there.

Demyx was lying on the floor, his face a bruised and bloody mess with none other than that bastard of a senior, Xemnas standing above him. Neither boy had noticed me yet.

Xemnas squatted down, smirking. "What's that, Fag?" He hissed.

Demyx's fist flailed out at the older teen harshly, but he grunted in pain when the bully caught his wrist in mid-swing and twisted it in an unnatural angle. I was frozen in shock. _Demyx_… "Get the hell away, Mansex!" The blond spat, grinding his teeth to keep from shouting out at the pain.

Xemnas smacked him across the face. "Shut up." He demanded. "You fucking little gay-wad!" Demyx cried out when the silver haired teen twisted his captive wrist further, orange eyes narrowed with hate.

The sound effectively threw my body into motion again. I chucked one of my books at the bully's head as hard as I could. It hit its target then fell to the floor with a deafening _thud_. Xemnas and Demyx looked to me simultaneously, one in fury, the other in fear.

"Zex, run!" Demyx choked, hissing as the grip on his wrist tightened. I stood my ground. Why? I may never know.

Xemnas growled. "Mute," He seethed, finally releasing the pressure on Demyx's wrist, standing back up to his impressive full height, kicking the blond in the ribs as he did so. My hands clenched into fists, eyes narrowing to thin slits. My body tensed, ready for the fight my mind knew I was going to loose.

Xemnas discarded Demyx, who struggled to sit up, nursing his battered arm. The older teen stalked towards me, cracking his knuckles menacingly. "Learn to scream out yet, Mute?" My glare hardened.

He swung at me. I dodged. I didn't dare to swing myself, for I was not as strong as him, and I had seen what happened to Demyx. Instead, I dodged again and again, barely aware of Demyx's voice yelling at me to run for help before I got hurt, hardly aware of the sting of his class ring when it grazed my right cheek, hardly aware of _anything_ but my own anger.

Finally, just as my luck ran out and a heavy right hook hit my chest, I heard the salvation of Larxene's livid shrieks and saw through blurry eyes as I slid to the floor the girl hit Xemnas almost hard enough to knock him to the ground.

"Don't you _ever_ touch my brother again!" She screamed, holding him sharply by the collar of his shirt, having knocked the wind out of him with a knee to the stomach. "Don't you ever go near him! Or I will fucking _kill you! _Understand?!" She shook him then, and Xemnas actually seemed afraid. I would have been too. Honestly, I doubted that she was exaggerating what she would do to him if he ever touched Demyx again. She was the type of person I figured was not afraid to commit murder.

While the frightening senior dealt with the other frightening senior, I crawled to Demyx's side, scared of what I might find.

Blood and tears stained his face from where his nose had been smashed open, his shirt was torn a little and he was breathing heavily, clutching his injured arm. I knew there would be some serious bruising under his clothes too. He gaped at me when I came near to him, reaching out to touch the cut on my cheek with his good hand. "Are you okay?" He breathed, the beginnings of sobs wracking his body.

I nodded, examining his wrist delicately.

"I don't think it's broken," He croaked, swallowing a hiss when I touched it softly. I pulled away instantly, not wanting to make anything worse.

A moment passed before Larxene joined us on the floor, still visibly fuming. She stared at the two of us for a long time before saying, "What the hell happened?"

Demyx smiled weakly. "Xemnas was born a mean ugly brute, and found it necessary to take out his aggressions on cooler people like me and Zex."

Larxene smirked ever-so slightly, but frowned at her brother's condition. "What was his excuse?" she pressed.

Demyx sighed and looked away, refusing to meet his sister's eyes. "It doesn't matter."

I hesitated, but put a hand on his shoulder, gaining his attention. I looked at him seriously for a long moment.

He bit his lip and nodded, tuning back to Larxene. "He found out…" he muttered.

The blond girl's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "About?" she prompted.

Demyx winced. "About me… being…" he needed to say nothing further.

"He will fucking beg for death!" Larxene exclaimed. "How in the name of the gods did he find out?!"

Demyx shook his head. "I don't know." Then, "Look, Larx, don't go overboard with this. It's not important."

"Not important my ass!" She glared darkly. I never for a second thought I would think this way, but I agreed with her. This mattered. This mattered _a lot_. "I'll kill him, Dem, I will. I will rip his groin to shreds with my bare hands and-"

Afraid to touch her in this state, I waved my hand urgently. When I gathered her attention and an irate "What?" I gestured to Demyx, and then to his wrist, which was beginning to swell up.

Larxene cursed, but helped me to pull him to his feet. I tucked his good arm around my shoulders and with some help from Larxene, limped to the nurse's office.

Aeris gasped at Demyx's condition, as well as my own asking hundreds of questions a minuet.

"We're not going into what happened." Larxene insisted as Aeris tended to Demyx's wrist. "So just drop it."

"I'm sorry about her, Aeris." Demyx chuckled. "She's just being overprotective." He sent her that fake smile that I struggled to ignore as she fretted about his wrist, which wasn't broken, thank gods.

I put my hands up as if to say, "I'm fine," when Aeris turned to me, but she ignored it to instead rub Neosporin on my cut, then covering it with a tan band aid. Only then did she allow us to leave, promising Demyx she would tell not a soul.

"Larx, do me a favor?" Demyx asked minuets later as he and I climbed into the back seat of her silver, four door, something-nice-and-shiny car. At her response of nothing more than a grunt, he smiled and continued. "Drop me at Zexion's? I don't want Mom and Dad to know about this."

Larxene sighed, but seemed to understand. "It's Wednesday, what do you want me to tell them?"

"I'm doing a project for school."

"Fine." She grumbled. "Guitar?"

"Please?"

She nodded to the windshield, pulling to a stop in front of my dreary little apartment complex. "I'll drop it by when I get the chance."

"Thanks, sis, you're the best!" Demyx called with a wave as we walked up and into the building.

X.x.X

Ava had freaked at first upon seeing Demyx's and my state, but she adjusted well to the 'ask no questions and hear no lies' mentality, and dropped her inquiries quickly. It was hours later that Demyx and I sat in the living room in partial darkness wondering if Ava was asleep yet.

When it seemed that she must be, Demyx turned to me seriously and said, "That was a stupid thing you did today."

I frowned.

"Stupid as hell," Demyx chuckled, "But pretty damn brave." He sighed. "I guess, what I mean to say is, thank you."

He smiled at me sincerely and I felt the corners of my lips twitch a little.

"Want to talk?" He asked a few minuets of silence later, staring at me with questioning eyes.

I thought for a moment. Certainly, I did want to talk, but how does one bring up a subject involving a previous discussion? I didn't know, so I just said, "Are you alright?"

Demyx concealed his laugh under his hand to keep the sound from waking my roommate. "Of course!" He exclaimed, smiling. "Believe it or not, I'm a tough son-of-a-bitch." He grinned then, fingering the case to his guitar which Larxene had delivered some time ago. He had been appalled to learn that his wrist prevented him from playing it properly.

"I believe it." I muttered more to myself than the boy beside me, although he heard it and laughed.

"I'm glad," he chuckled. "Because I don't want to have to prove it." I smirked and he laughed.

A comfortable silence took over from there until I grunted something about being tired and that it was time for bed. Demyx agreed, so I left him to his own devises, knowing he knew that couch as well as I did at this point and collapsed into my bed, trying not to over think everything again. I really needed to just sleep tonight.

X.x.X.x.X

Wow! Long chapter! I think this makes up for the shortness of the last one, right? -is hopeful- Anyway, I said before that I was afraid of Larxene. This still stands, but some other emotion exists too. I love her for being such a nice sister! (in her own very warped ways) She means well, I promise. Bad Mansex beat up my Demmy! -smacks- Behave or I'll let Larxene get you again! But I did get the closest thing to fluff this story has yet to see. I had to make Zexion highly ticklish. I had to. It was just too adorable of a mental image for me to deprive the rest of you of. 8D TICKLE-RAPE! Hee, hee…

Yeah, I don't know about any of you, but I'm rather pleased with this chapter, because of Zexy's psycho-analyzing I guess. And the tickle-rape…. -grins- Never forget the tickle-rape. It's a natural reaction (for me at least) to miss key parts of a conversation until later when things are calmer and there's time to think. That's why I saved Zexion's 'WTF, Demyx?!' moment for now, instead of when that stuff happened. Let me know what you think please!

Yes, so enough babbling, and on to my hugging of reviewers! **SorasLilAngel**, **LittleLoneLiar**, **pride1289**, **Aya Invictus**, **Rosedy White**, **youngnozomi**, and **6cloakedschemer**. -glomps them all- I love you guys!


	8. Chapter 7 IllStarred Endeavor

Chapter Seven: Ill-Starred Endeavor 

December was well underway, and the cool rains had morphed into frigid ice that could hardly be described as snow when Ava informed me that she would be going away for the weekend on a business trip with an associate of hers that I was beginning to suspect was actually her boyfriend. I didn't mind.

I had, surprisingly, for the first time ever, agreed of my own free will to accompany Demyx and the others to the mall that Friday after school. Demyx was invited to stay over at my house that night, in order to work on a _real_ school project for once, which had been assigned for English.

I hitched a ride into town with Larxene, who was going to drop off Demyx and me before heading out to do something she refused to disclose the nature of. Demyx insisted that she was planning to kill someone and intended to buy an illegal gun. Larxene neither confirmed nor denied it.

We assembled in front of the fountain like before, except minus the tackling and shrieked death threats. Also the area was considerably more crowded than previously, as people stalked in all directions intent on completing their Christmas shopping before the date drew too close.

We all grabbed hot chocolates from a small sweets shop on the first floor and wandered around for quite some time doing little except people-watching.

"Look at him," Axel said, smirking. "He looks like he's shopping for a whole third world country, but I'd be willing to bet he's only got one spoiled brat of a kid."

Demyx snickered and Roxas laughed, punching the redhead playfully on the arm. "Look over there! That woman has the biggest bear I've ever seen!"

"I'll get you a bear twice that size Roxie!" Axel exclaimed playfully, hugging the youth.

Roxas spluttered and removed himself from the taller teen's grasp, muttering something incoherent to my ears.

"Hey, guys," Demyx called, "Stop flirting and look at that chick over there!" I chuckled under my breath as Axel grinned from ear to ear as Roxas flushed a livid shade of red that rivaled the tallest teen's hair.

The girl in question was dancing to the music on her cell phone with a friend. She was wearing very tight jeans and a low cut shirt that almost exposed her chest indecently when she bounced.

Axel 'ooh'ed and 'ah'ed as Roxas watched with something kin to entertainment. Demyx cackled evilly.

"Right up your alley, eh, Axe?" He joked, "Young, blond, and shameless!"

Roxas scoffed. Axel blushed. I chuckled. Demyx laughed outright.

Honestly, this was nice. I liked the feeling of not being alone for once. Subconsciously, I cringed and scolded myself, but my subconscious was utterly not in control of my actions nor my mind that day.

X.x.X

Demyx and I were picked up a little late by Larxene, who was too irritable to explain the tardiness to her brother and dropped us off hurriedly, Demyx's guitar case in hand, as his wrist was finally fully healed.

We mounted the steps to my floor and I unlocked the door, letting us into the dark and empty apartment. I flipped on some lights and shed my coat, Demyx following suit after putting his guitar down next to the lumpy grey couch.

We got promptly to work on the project, which was on literature and slang of the 1920's. Weird subject, I know, but we didn't get to pick it ourselves and as Demyx loved to say, "Mrs. Lockhart's one _weird_ lady… With really big boobs…"

We had already spent a considerable amount of time in the library over the past week, so the project itself was fairly easy, and wouldn't have taken very long if we hadn't fooled around for most of the night.

Demyx threw the glue stick at me playfully, giggling madly at my instant reaction of growling and threatening him emptily with a pair of scissors.

"Death." I stated simply, shaking the scissors at him on the statement. Demyx giggled more, falling over to lie across the floor, as that was where we were both sitting, with the coffee table between us in my living room. I sighed, smirking. We were never going to finish this project, were we? I set the scissors down on the table, lying out across Ava's brightly colored floor rug, pillowing my head on my hands.

Demyx crawled over to my side of the table and lied down as well, at a safe distance from me. He sighed contentedly into the silence that took us for a few minuets. Finally, he spoke. "Hey, bunny?" He smirked when I raised an appalled eyebrow in his direction. "Oh, come _on_!" he cried, giggling again, rolling onto his side to face me, "I was testing out some Roaring Twenties slang! You don't appreciate it?"

"I am not a bunny." I replied irately.

Demyx rolled his eyes. "It's a term of endearment, _remember_?"

Oh, I did remember. I just was in the mood to pick a fight. "It originated in the mid 1920's, and was commonly used as a term of endearment for the lost or disoriented. Often following 'poor little' when used." I gave him a look that clearly said, '_never_ call me that again.'

Demyx scoffed. Then he nudged my arm playfully. "You're new nickname is Bunny Zex." He declared happily, ignoring my gasp of indignation. "No?" I glared and shook my head sternly. "Then I'll just have to keep calling you Sexy Zexy!"

I spluttered wordlessly. When had he _ever_ called me that? "Don't." I demanded when I re-gathered myself, although it still sounded too much like a pleading tone for my liking.

Demyx laughed and stared into my eyes for a long time, the happiness glowing in those shining orbs long after the chuckles had faded.

Silence found us soon after and I found myself fidgeting in it, my self-conscious behavior completely defeating my normal character. Finally, I could take it no longer, and sat up abruptly. Demyx hesitated, but followed suit adjusting his position until we sat Indian-style on the floor facing one another. He looked at me patiently, expecting me to speak first.

"Are you okay?" I asked nervously, cursing myself just after the words left me, at their stupidity. I was making _small talk_. I was _making_ small talk. _I _was making small talk. No matter how many times I ran the thought through my mind, it refused to compute.

Demyx cocked his head to one side inquisitively, not unlike a puppy might, and answered cautiously, "What do you mean?"

"You parents," I clarified.

"Oh!" the musician exclaimed, smiling at me and blushing a little. "Yeah, I'm good!" His smile faded a bit. "I haven't told them anything."

I nodded.

"Why?" He asked innocently. I flinched.

Honestly, I wasn't sure why. All I could think of to justify the question was that the little bastard had wormed his way past my walls and now what happened to him mattered to me. But just a little, alright? Nothing too much! I wasn't about to open up to him completely, or tell him anything, or- or _care_ about him! No, certainly not! I was just… mildly curious.

Demyx waved a hand in front of my face. "Hey, are you alright?" I blinked and took in a sharp breath, focusing back on the moment at hand. Demyx looked at me seriously. "You sort of went blank there, Zex. Is everything okay?"

I puzzled over that. Honestly, no. Everything was _not_ okay. And yet… When Demyx looked at me like that, I really wanted to assure him that things _were_ in fact, okay. That- That everything was going to be alright. I squinted slightly, frowning. It didn't make any sense!

"Zexy?"

I jumped noticeably. "Yes, I'm fine." I lied, feeling the stab of my conscience before the words had even fully left my mouth.

Demyx didn't seem pleased in the slightest with my answer, but let it go after just a moment of holding my gaze. "You'd better be careful how you act, there, _Bunny Zex_, or I might just have to tickle you again." He threatened playfully, smirking at me with an evil glint to his eyes that suggested he would not hesitate. I cringed. He cackled.

"Oh, I'll do it," He warned, leaning forward threateningly. "Because I'm evil like that."

I smirked deviously and in a single swift motion, I marked a large orange dot in the center of his tan forehead with a marker. Demyx squeaked and pulled away, falling backwards again, smacking his head against the side of the television cabinet.

"Ow!" he shouted, sitting back up, wiping at his forehead, smearing the mark around, but failing to wipe it away completely. He glowered at my smug expression, sticking his tongue out at me angrily. "Great," He muttered, "You've infected me with Oompa Loompa's disease."

What?

He feigned gagging for a moment before stiffening comically, wide-eyed and singing, "Oompa, Loompa, doopity do. I've got another riddle for you. What do you get with a meanie like that?" he pointed at me. "A crazy-ass chick with a baseball bat. Swinging and beating until he can't breathe. My sister would kill you if…" he paused, looking for a rhyme for 'breathe' no doubt. "You were mean to me!" He shrugged. "You can live in happiness too, like the Oompa Loompa doompidy do!"

I threw the now capped marker at him. He laughed and fell back down to the floor. "You're impossible," He sighed, his tone suggesting the comment was meant in an endearing way. I smirked. There was, undeniably something _very endearing_ about that damn blond. I wanted to hate him for it.

Unfortunately, I had even more trouble hating him these days then I had had neglecting him those couple of months ago. I stretched out beside him and we lied there together for several minuets in silence, both staring at the ceiling. Then, "The project," I said simply, sitting up again and crawling over to the table. Demyx followed suit, sighing.

"I'd like to play some music instead…" He muttered.

"After we finish," I replied. Then I flushed, realizing only after I said it that he wasn't talking to me, but to himself.

Demyx grinned. "Okay!"

X.x.X

Music was something that could make any situation so much prettier. I thought this in bewilderment as I sat on the floor, watching Demyx tune up his acoustic guitar. It was after eleven and the project was finally abandoned, nearly finished but not quite. It had been set out of the way on the kitchen counter, and we had a box of cookies Demyx had brought with him open on the coffee table in its place.

The musician smiled that calm, barely-there smile that he always possessed when he played. I found myself staring as his fingers strummed softly, playing out a melody I vaguely recognized, but without vocals, it was impossible to tell what exactly it was. I liked it. His eyes drifted closed and he looked as though he was about to sing, but stopped himself pointedly, his fingers ceasing to move, sharply plunging the room into an eerie silence.

I blinked, the spell broken by the shattering silence.

"Sorry," Demyx muttered, his cheeks reddening. I raised one eyebrow at him. He sighed and glanced away. Then he regained his composure with a sort of inaudible _pop_, and he was looking back at me again, grinning. "I told you I wouldn't play that song for you until it was finished!" He laughed heartily, leaning back against the couch. "…I'll play something else." And he did.

That was an odd thing about Demyx Harper. He could switch between moods in seconds, from embarrassed to joking, from angry to depressed to happy. It was odd, but it was something interesting that I liked to ponder over. It made every conversation, however one-sided, a very interesting one indeed.

I didn't realize I had fallen asleep until I woke with a start. Demyx laughed at this, his elbows resting on his instrument, his fists holding his head upright.

"It's okay," He said cheerily, "You've only been asleep for fifteen or twenty minuets." I sighed. He smiled. "Sleepy?"

The surprising thing was: no. I wasn't tired anymore. That was weird. I shook my head slowly.

"Then what do you want to do?"

Hmm, what did I want to do? I stared at the guitar for a long time, calculating the pluses and cons to giving in to this tiny, insignificant idea. Oh, what the hell, I'll just go for it for once. "Teach me?" I asked quietly, gesturing to the instrument that still rested in the other's lap.

He brightened instantly. "Really?" I nodded. "Okay!" I moved to sit next to him on the couch, stretching the kink out of my back. He adjusted the guitar in my hands, moving them from place to place, instructing me patiently with his hands over mine. I really didn't much like him touching me, but there was just no way around it.

I growled in irritation some time later, realizing that I was less than adept for musical study. I just was incapable of processing all the information Demyx was feeding me. Maybe I should have read a book about it? I always picked up so much from my dry, printed 'friends'.

The blond teen sighed slightly, but his tone remained patient as he bid me to try again. "You _are_ improving," he insisted. "But maybe we should do this differently…" He climbed around me on the couch, placing himself directly behind me, with his chest pressed up against my back, his arms coming around to help my fingers find the right places. He peered over my shoulder to see, ignoring – or not catching – the way my body tensed subconsciously to his closeness.

"You're okay," He murmured. Alright, so maybe he_ did_ catch it after all. He sat very still until my body began to relax slightly. Then he continued his lesson, instructing me with the patience of a saint as I continued to fail horribly.

I quivered at the warmth of his breath against the side of my neck, trying to block the dancing images of _her_ from my mind's eye, struggling to ignore the rolling thunder only I could hear. Demyx's instructions began to echo and fade away from my ears. I blinked harshly, swallowing dryly. I felt vaguely nauseous and Demyx's voice ebbed away to white noise. Then, in a painful instance, red burst through my vision and I yelped. Crashing, splintering metal, scraping against metal, scraping against _bone_. Pain shot through my leg, partnered with the sickening spinning of my world. _Screams._ I cried out. _Blood._ I couldn't take this! I didn't want to loose control! I didn't want to loose-

…Humming? Yes, that was what it was. Soft, slightly shaky… humming. It was a light, careful tune, right next to my left ear… What? …This wasn't part of… There hadn't been music… How?

I could breathe again. The pain dulled but did not abate completely. The images of blood faded away, yielding to the reality of my living room… The lumpy couch… a guitar that had toppled from my lap to the floor… and… Demyx. Humming… clutching on to me as if I would fall… or disappear. He was breathing almost as laboriously as I was, sitting there, not wholly certain what it was I had done…

I was shaking uncontrollably now, barely able to keep from breaking down.

The humming stopped. "…Are you okay now?" Demyx asked gingerly, loosening his grip on my body ever-so slightly. I sat still, gathering myself for a long moment before nodding stiffly. "What did I do?" The blond whispered shakily, probably every bit as freaked out as I was. I shook my head. I didn't know. Something had set off a flashback… but what?

Suddenly, I felt the unshakeable need to run, to get away, to _hide_, but Demyx hadn't let me go, he wouldn't let me go. I lost control of my breathing, beginning to hyperventilate. I struggled against the blonde's grip as he rotated me around so I was half-facing him, with my left shoulder against his chest. His grip was firm, but not painful, even as I fought to get away from him.

I couldn't speak, but Demyx could. "I'm not letting you go until you calm down and tell me what's going on." I shook my head violently, my desperation spiking as my strength waned. The musician held fast. "At least until you stop crying." He demanded sharply.

"I- I'm not crying!" I exclaimed, but when one of my hands flew to my face, I realized otherwise. I gasped and shuddered. Demyx's grip never altered. I froze completely, now fully aware of the hot tears streaming down my face, ones that refused to be halted. Demyx was probably bruised from my lashing out, but if he was hurt, he showed no signs of it. Instead he held me firmly with one arm while the other rubbed my back in oddly comforting warm circles. I shivered, afraid to move.

_Demyx must be able to read minds_.

I say this because in that moment, he slowly, gently, moved me around a bit more, guiding my head to rest on his shoulder. I swallowed a sob and took a deep breath of his sent, cucumber-melon and something else… something I couldn't quite place. It was…. Sort of… Nice.

"I'm sorry," I croaked into his blue t-shirt. He stroked my hair wordlessly for a long time. Then, just as my eyes were drifting closed, he spoke. It was so soft, and almost pained in tone that I tensed, fearing that I had injured him seriously.

"I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere for a while. So just stay like this until you feel better."

I wanted to disappear. His body quivered just slightly, and I knew this feeling. This was what it felt like when he was trying not to cry out loud. I screwed my eyes shut tightly, pulling away from him just far enough to look into his eyes. He let me. Tears threatened to fall from those bright green/hazel eyes sluggishly; the room's light making his smooth face shine a little, emphasizing the light dusting of freckles that were scattered across his upper cheeks and nose. He was gnawing on his lower lip sharply, and he looked a bit paler than normal. All of this was unusual, but what I noticed the most was the emotion in his eyes. He was _scared_. Of me? Oh, gods I hoped not.

I looked away in shame. For the first time, I really, _really_, wanted to talk. But I-

I couldn't do it. I failed to suppress a sob as I let Demyx hold me, stroking my hair in a delicate pattern, saying nothing at all. I gave in to his affections, fighting to stifle the hacking sobs that writhed through my trembling body.

Oh, gods… Oh, gods… I didn't want things to be like this anymore! What had happened to the stoic, cold, emotionless Zexion? Why had he gone away to reveal these mangled remains of what had once been a human being?

I wanted the _old me_ back.

X.x.X.x.X

How many sexual innuendos can I insert into one conversation? Hmm…. I counted four…. XD I will write a gift fic one shot of any KH couple for the person who can spot my favorite one! The Oompa Loompa's disease thing originated from my bestest buddy, **stargazer101** from our middle school class years. We did all sorts of bad things in that classroom… -sigh- good times… Although I did write the warning about Crazy Larx with a baseball bat myself, of course. Also you totally have Star to thank for this chapter being up at this time. I defiantly meant to put it up earlier, like on Saturday to celebrate Demyx Day, but I really wasn't sure about it (read: I hated it a lot) so I sent it on to her to do her R&R/beta-ish magic. -grins- I didn't delete it and start over from scratch because of her feedback. Therefore, this chapter is earlier than it may have been, thanks to her. -hugs-

Am I a cheater? Why, yes. Yes I am. Their project was on slang of the 1920's because I'm lazy and I was reserching that for another story anyway and thought, "oh, what the heck, they need a project anyway..." Yeah, so I'm Cheater. Just so you know.

Now, Star is certainly not the only one that gives me amazing feedback that keeps me writing at a reasonable pace. So I need to thank my awesome reviewers for being awesome! **LittleLoneLiar**, **Fangirl-16**, **Aya Invictus**, and **youngnozomi**. –passes out an assortment of treats- YAY! You guys rock my _proverbial_ socks! (because I am currently barefoot) And GoMoiGosh! We've racked up 30 reviews over all! **30!** That's only 5 less than my much older AkuRoku(which really sucks now that I look back on it…) at the same number of updates! XD it already has over 6,000 more words than that one as well! I feel so acomplished!

Okay, so my lunch break is over now... Back to school! 8D (but somehow, I'm okay with that...)


	9. Chapter 8 Eerie Ailment

Chapter Eight: Eerie Aliment

He was warm, and comforted in the cool, wintry air.

But how could he be warm?

In the midst of the winter storms?

Why, that was because someone was up close to him, warming his body and soul, rubbing slightly calloused fingers in soft circular motions on the back of his pale neck. A light humming filled the air, and Zexion sighed into it. He breathed deeply and let his body drift in this cold, yet wonderfully warm experience. He was floating, weightlessly.

The one who was humming looked at him brightly with endlessly deep green/hazel pools for eyes. He was too beautiful, his slight smile all for the dark haired boy, always for him.

Zexion felt his lips mirroring the expression, the feeling was odd for his tired muscles, but he liked the way it lit up the other's face to see it.

"You're okay," he sang into Zexion's ear, light, warm, sweet-smelling breath engulfing him. Zexion hummed the response, his eyes closed lightly, nodding into the fabric of the other's shirt. His shoulder was more comfortable than Zexion could have imagined. It was welcoming the sleep upon him.

The musician's hand vanished from Zexion's neck.

He froze, eyes shooting open abruptly. He was suddenly sitting in the backseat of a car… A car that had been horribly mangled. He swallowed a cry, violet eyes darting about, searching for the escape. The teen's whole world felt heavy from the gagging sent of metallic gore. His eyes fell upon the figure to his right, in the next seat over.

Demyx. Was bleeding, bent metal protruding from his shattered chest like an unwanted limb. Unmentionably disfigured organs protruded from the gaping hole in his torso, lumpy blood still dripping from what must have once been his beating heart onto his already blood-soaked lap, staining baggy jeans dark crimson to match what had earlier been a green t-shirt. His eyes, those same eyes that had been so happy moments ago, were now empty… _Dead_. His hair was soaked in sickening crimson, and more of the same fluid tricked from the corner of his mouth, which hung open slightly, from the shout he had hardly had time to release before darkness took him.

Zexion screamed.

X.x.X

I woke with a start, the scream still on my lips as I jolted from my bed, my body swiftly meeting the floor with a heavy _thud_. I yanked the blankets that had fallen with me tighter around my trembling frame, not bothering to climb back onto my mattress, choosing, instead to curl into the fetal position on the floor, shivering from much more than the chill of the heatless apartment's cheap linoleum floor.

I screwed my eyes shut and begged the images to leave me, for the humming to return, for it seemed to have an almost magical effect on me when I was like this. I shuddered uncontrollably, letting out a soft whimper into the dark emptiness of the night. Fuck it all!

I hated being this way! I hated it! I forcibly swallowed another whimper, choking on nothing, gagging myself soundlessly in my comforter. My shoulders shook with what wanted to be sobs, but I stifled them too, ignoring the growing pain in my chest with every precautionary movement I made to steal myself away from the growing nausea I was experiencing from the mere thought of Demyx.

He was…. He had been…. I shuddered. He was _too close_. My dreaming of him only confirmed that fear. Bad things…. Bad things were going to happen…. And…. I feared I could not stop the wheels from turning, not now. Not when so much had already occurred.

He… He had seen me… He had held me through a flashback and its aftermath. He was the _only_ person that knew I still experienced them. My life was, as frightening as the thought seemed, in his hands. If he told someone I was still suffering from the events of my younger years, I would be put away again… Back into a hospital.

Breath caught in my throat and I squirmed, gasping for the vital air. I… I couldn't go back to a place like that. I just _couldn't_. They'd… They'd _keep me_ there! I'd never be able to leave again! I was suffocating more under the pressure of the fears than the blanket pulled harshly over my head in a pitiful attempt at shielding me from both _nothing_ and _everything_.

I was full of contradictions in that moment. I wanted to cry, but refused to yield to that weakness yet _again_. I wanted to die, but I didn't want to be a failure like that. I wanted to be held, but I refused to be helped by someone else. I…. I wanted Demyx to go far away from me and never return, but I didn't want him to go, because if he did, he would take the junk food and humming with him. I wanted to stay unbreakable, but I didn't want to rebuild those walls Demyx had so gracefully passed through. I wanted Demyx to come and hold me again, and tell me I was okay, but I didn't want him to care about me that much. There was only one thing that was agreed by all sides of my writhing mind:

I wanted to scream.

X.x.X

Demyx seemed… Odd at school the following week, growing increasingly moody and strange as the days rolled on, to the point that by Thursday Axel had sworn that the blond had been abducted by aliens and replaced with an android, and then proceeded to poke at the slightly shorter boy's ribs until he was sprawled up against the lunch table, whining about his 'injured ego' and flushing heavily from the tickling. I pointedly ignored him, staring instead at my latest book, a heavy, very outdated encyclopedia that set open on the table in front of me. I wasn't even really paying attention to the commotion but for spare details, until I gasped at having my hand snatched up without warning in the grasp of a warm one that was tanner and a bit larger, with slight calluses on the fingers from years of playing string instruments.

I shot a glare in Demyx's direction, which died instantly upon seeing his comical facial expression. His bright eyes were pleading with me, his bottom lip stuck out ever-so-slightly in a puppy-like pout, his cheeks still stained a soft, glowing pink from laughter. I had to tear my eyes away from him to glare at the table in order to not think further into what his expression brought to mind, especially the way his lips were just-

No! No, no, no, no!

"Please, Zexy?"

I scowled at the nickname, but let it slide as curiosity got the better of me. I raised one eyebrow, tilting my head to the side a little in question at him. I did hope he realized I hadn't heard his inquiry.

"Will you go ice skating with us tomorrow? _Pleeease?_" I thought about it for a long moment, realizing painfully late that my hand was still in his, only to whip it away in annoyance that discreetly masked the embarrassment. Then I checked my planner.

Nope. Work. Good, I wanted to think. I wouldn't have to deal with him after school tomorrow. That was a comfort. But then… Something in the back of my mind nagged at me, upset somehow by this reaction. I shook my head and showed him my schedule.

"Oh," He deflated right in front of me. "Okay… That's… No problem." He grinned the fake grin and I looked away in discomfort, shielding it under the ruse of disinterestedly putting my planner back in its place.

Demyx didn't go to the music room that day during our free period, but instead situated himself across the table from me in the library. I ignored him pointedly while studying for my Calculus test the following day, but he gained my attention by clearing his throat. I looked up, my lips forming a narrow line only to see him staring at his text book, seemingly engulfed in his studies. I raised an eyebrow. He stole a quick glance at me, and then looked pointedly at my book on the table between us. Under the spine, sticking out just a little was a piece of paper that had been folded many times for secrecy, no doubt. I gave Demyx a calculating look before picking up the note and unfolding it.

It read: _"Can I talk to you?"_

I frowned, glancing at the blond across from me, who was now writing something in his English notebook, purposefully not glancing in my direction.

I flattened out the sheet against my book and replied, _"What about?" _I folded the sheet back up and passed it back to him, under the table this time. He started slightly when the note poked at his knee, but smiled sheepishly into his homework as he took it up.

When it returned to me, his cryptic answer had been added: _"I just want to talk to you after school, is that OK?" _I raised an eyebrow but nodded gruffly when he glanced up slyly. He smiled a little and winked at me before continuing to work. I watched him for a while before uncapping my pen and writing a further note.

"_Are you alright?"_ I slipped the note under his textbook and got back to my own before the prowling librarian caught me. There was a nudge on my knee moments later, causing me to squirm a little, but take the note without being noticed.

"_What do you mean?"_

Playing dumb, eh? _"You've been acting oddly lately. What's wrong?"_

I listened to the frantic scribbling of his pencil on the lined notebook paper. _"I've been acting differently? You think so? Well anyway, it really is nothing to worry about, Zexy, but I'm flattered that you care."_

I frowned darkly. _"Don't call me that. My name is Zexion. And don't take it too personally, everyone has noticed, it's just annoying is all."_

He frowned at my writing and it took him a long time to reply back. _"I like that nickname. It suits you. But, whatever. It really doesn't matter that much, man. You don't have to freak out."_

I snarled. I was _not_ freaking out. _"I was only asking because I was curious."_

"_Curiosity killed the cat."_

"_Now you sound like Ms. Lockhart." _

Demyx snorted. The librarian glared daggers at the back of his head. He silenced himself, but raised a single eyebrow at me, still smirking. I took back the note only when the librarian had turned her back. _"You really want to know, don't you?"_

I rolled my eyes at the ceiling. _"Never mind."_

He frowned, but wrote nothing more. We studied in silence until the bell rang, signaling the end of fifth period. Demyx jumped to his feet and rushed out, shooting me a grin and a wink on his way. The old lady librarian was shouting threats of detention after him for his earlier disruption, shaking a ragged paperback at him all the way down the hall.

I continued on to history by myself, tugging absentmindedly on the strap to my school bag along the way, dodging giggling freshmen and cursing sophomores. I got a split-second glimpse of Roxas with a burgundy-headed cheerleader girl whose name I did not know and the brunette star of the school's soccer team, whose name had something to do with the 'sky' I recalled, but it always seemed to escape me. They were students in his grade, and seemed to be friends of his. It seemed odd to me, how some people so universally popular and liked, like Demyx and Roxas, would spend all their time hanging out with virtual nobodies like the rest of us. Axel was known, but not too well liked by his peers, and Larxene basically scared everyone, although she did have some friends in her class. Demyx had told me about the guys called Luxord and Marluxia once, mostly just to explain that first tattoo Larxene had had gotten between her shoulder blades of Marluxia Fauna's family crest _just_ because her parents didn't like him and she thought it looked cool. It was one of her first real rebellions against them, and Demyx looked up to her for it. I did too, and not just because she was taller than me. She was a brave girl and a tough one too. Another thing in the Harper family genes, perhaps? I certainly was beginning to think so.

Demyx waited for me after class only to lead me without a word to his favorite place, the frost biting our noses instantly upon leaving the heated building. Sharp winds whipped around the corner of the schoolhouse and the slush/ice/snow combination was particularly thick in this area. The sky was an eerie blue/grey hue and spilled minimal sunlight from between bits of hazy clouds, giving off no warmth. The trees were barren of any life, hibernating through these harsh months in preparation for the buds and leaves of spring.

I shivered and pulled my long, black coat more snuggly around my thin frame, glancing expectantly at Demyx. The hem of his blue hoodie could be seen underneath the cream colored denim jacket he was wearing. His fingers were hidden in yellow gloves and he smiled at me brightly, despite the visible sting of the cold on his face. He bounced slightly from foot to foot, probably to keep from freezing all together.

"Lovely weather we're having." He joked. I glared, shivering again. He smiled crookedly, fidgeting from nervousness or cold, I may never know. "I just wanted to talk to you about… Well, you know." I raised an eyebrow. He sighed and took a tentative step closer to me. "…About what happened? Last Saturday?"

Oh. _That_.

I frowned darkly. "What about it?" I seethed.

It was Demyx's turn to shiver. "Just… Are you okay?"

You said I was. Remember? You told me I was okay. You said it yourself. What? Have you changed your mind? Are you going to call the doctors now? Are you going to have them send me away? Are you?!

"Zexy?"

"I told you not to call me that." My voice must have made the air feel warm in comparison, because Demyx took a subconscious step backwards.

"Sorry, sorry. But _are_ you alright? That was… Kind of scary, Zexion." He admitted sheepishly.

Scary…. _Scary_. What he meant was, 'You're crazy. You freaked me out. I was hoping you would be normal, but I guess you're some kind of lunatic instead.' I scowled.

"Zexion? What's the matter?"

"Don't tell a _soul_ about what you saw on Saturday." My voice absolutely dripped with venom on the words.

Demyx swallowed harshly and replied in a tone that was so low; I very nearly missed what he said, due to another gust of wind. "I won't. I promise. Just… Please, tell me what I did wrong. So I don't mess up again." His voice shook dishearteningly and I almost wanted to smile encouragingly at him.

Almost.

I sneered and shook my head sharply. I didn't believe him. I couldn't. Five years in an institution had been_ more_ than enough for me. I'd rather cease to exist then go to another place like that. And who was to say he wouldn't do that to me, under the impression that it would 'help'? That it would 'make me better'? I turned and stalked back towards the school, only to be stopped short by a gloved hand clasping around my own cold one.

I didn't turn to face the musician, but I knew him well enough to visualize the broken look in his eyes, which was difficult enough to bear, without seeing it for real.

"Please," He pleaded in little more than a whisper. "Please don't block me out again. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to… Do whatever it is I did." I closed my eyes, desperately attempting to get the image of his tears, which I could hear in his voice although I was certain they had not been released, out of my mind's eye. My hand twitched. His grip tightened slightly. "Just… Don't go off all alone again."

Don't be hurt. Don't let me get you hurt. "Please let go of me." He hesitated, but obliged with nothing more than a sniff. With not another glance, I crunched through the winter weather and back into the school.

X.x.X

It wasn't until the following Tuesday that I came to see the consequences of what I had done to the sensitive blond. Demyx was forcibly happy and showed that false smile much more than any legitimate one. It made me ill. On top of that was the upcoming Christmas break, in which parties would spring up like fireworks in July. Ava was making me go to one with her to celebrate her thriving company. To say I was less than enthused would certainly be a major understatement.

But that didn't matter. Not right now. Right now, what mattered was that Demyx was not acting the same as he had been before the weekend, and the truthfully cheerful, bright, wonderful Demyx that had earned my respect and envy seemed to have become a thing of the past. And _that_ was entirely my fault.

I sighed as I walked through the ever-empty hallways in the later hours of the afternoon, having stayed late for a project with a girl in my psychology class named Selphie. We had to finish it by the following day, and we really didn't get along well enough to go anywhere outside of school to work on it. She didn't care for me because I didn't speak, and had complained loudly all week about being partnered with me. Yes, she was one of the lead cheerleaders. Go figure, right?

I pushed though the heavy door to the outside, cringing against the cold, where there was now no time of day when you could not see your breath, even on the precious few days of minimal sunshine. I shivered and pulled my coat tighter around my body, stalking away from the school building.

Or, that was the plan. Until a rough hand caught me be the shoulder and whipped my viciously into the side of the school building.

Standing in front of me, pinning me to the cold brick was that friend of Demyx's, Riku. He stood in his yellow, blue and black down coat, leather gloves and a green scarf around his muscular neck. Damn, it. Swimmers. A half finished cigarette hung from his pale lips that were drawn in a furiously narrow line. He glowered down at me for a long time before he spoke.

"Hey Mute," he said, aquamarine hued eyes narrowing to not but slits, cigarette wobbling with the movement of his lips. "I need a word."

I swallowed thickly, placing a glare of my own across my face.

Riku sneered. "Wipe that fucking look off your face before I make you. I want to know what the fuck happened to Demyx." So he noticed? There's one (however grudgingly given) point for the guy. "He spent the weekend with _you_ a week ago and he's been in a slump since. What the hell?"

I frowned and shook my head. It was my fault, really. Demyx's light was fading, and it was because I hurt him… _Because_ I didn't want him to be hurt for my sake. It was really screwed up no matter how you looked at it.

"Well, whatever the hell it is you did to Demmy, you'd better fix the gods damned problem before it goes any further. I swear to Yeven, Kurisaki. I will be the death of you if you're an asshole to Demyx. He's like my little brother. Everyone's actually. Except for _you_, shit head. _You_ don't deserve his love. You little _bastard_."

I looked away in shame. Riku was right. I really _didn't_ deserve Demyx. I really wasn't good enough for him. But… But _I_ _had him_. Which meant there was something in me he could see. There _had to be_. I nodded, new determination erecting in my soul. I was going to fix this. I was going to-

Was I really? Could- Could I really? Let… Let Demyx inside?

I had to do it. But could I manage? Could I really let him know who I really was? And, most importantly:

Would he get hurt if I did?

Riku released me with a roll of the eyes. "You really are impossible." I smirked. Yeah, likewise, buddy. I hurried off to the bus stop before the taller male changed his mind about letting me off without a thrashing.

X.x.X.x.X

-makes face- I'll let you know right now: I fucking hate this chapter. It started out all strong and stuff in the beginning, and got progressively worse as it wore on, until to top it all off, the fucking-Riku scene makes my eyes bleed with pure loathing. (I love Riku, by the way, I love him a lot. I'm not intending to character bash or anything… I just can't see him liking Zexion, especially in this kind of environment.) I rewrote it no less than five times and I still hate it with such a bloody passion, that I thought I'd just give it up and post this before I destroy my computer in a blind bout of rage. And gods-damned Zexion is still being a bitch about life, which has gotten old, and Axel hasn't been a good little douche bag in WAY too many chapters for my liking. (I love him too, really. I have a plushy of him, honest to gods, but he killed Zexion. No, they're NOT really made out to be all that close.) Riku comes across as bullying, when I wanted him to be more ass-holish than that. Damn it all. Not to mention in one of my mini-rage fits, I shut this down without saving and lost a full scene and important added details to the nightmare(which at the time literally made me gag. 8D Totally the intention… I don't really think it got there on the rewrite… -frowns-). I had to rewrite all that of course. I'd really like a gun right now. Which is probably why I don't have one…. -grumbles-

Gosh! I defiantly just added at least one chapter to the plotline by not putting something in this chapter that I had originally intended. Oh, well. I just hope this doesn't skew my timeline too much. We're running out of weeks before Christmas man, and shit has to happen.

Okies. I think that's more than my fair share of free therapy for one update, no?

Of course I'm going to mention my awesome reviewers, because I've found that if I am ever depressed(or REALLY pissed), all I have to do is go back and reread your messages, and I get all happy and giggly-like again! (Well, that AND/or drink a good, well-sugared cup of coffee….) **Fangirl-16**, **Aya Invictus**, **Angelic-Demonic Puppet**, **dark and light heart**, **DarkHenrych**,You people are the reason this story is still going strong, despite the issues that were supposed to be keeping me away from it. I just can't turn you people down. 8D

And the winner of the doodad I did last chapter is **Aya Invicyus**. 'Bunny Zex' is definitely my favorite innuendo I've ever written. XD So don't forget to tell me what couple and genre you want your one shot to be, dear, so I can get it to you soon!


	10. Chapter 9 Resplendent Accident

Chapter Nine: Resplendent Accident

Looking back, I can honestly say that the events of the last Thursday before winter break was the first catalyst for the change that took place some time later in my soul. Although, as we speak of catalysts, I should really admit that the start of it _all_ was meeting Demyx Harper in the first place. But, that wasn't something I would have admitted back in high school. Not by a long shot. I was much too proud for any of that such talk. However, that hardly matters at this point.

Back on topic: Thursday. December the eighteenth. At eight forty-five, PM. Demyx. Me. The hall outside my apartment. The fourth floor of the building. So pathetically simple, yet so disturbingly complex at the same time.

"Damn it, Demyx! What are you trying to say?!" I exclaimed furiously, ungloved fists clenched tightly, eyes narrowed so thin that I was glaring at the taller teen through my dark eyelashes. He squirmed and worried his lower lip, which was already raw from two days of indulgence on his rather self-destructive nervous habit of gnawing away at it. I fumed silently at his lack of response for several seconds before stamping my foot irritably. "Say something!"

He stuttered for a moment before dropping his gaze to the cheap carpet, his mouth continuing to open and close wordlessly. He soon gave up and silence fell.

I sighed angrily. So what if it was my fault he was upset? This was just ridiculous! He had _always_ been the one to know what to say. He was never out of words. What was with the sudden change?

I let out an angry sound before turning with every intention of storming away and forgetting any of this had ever happened, that I had ever let him become my friend. It really was too bad my enflamed exit was ruined by his sudden shout of, "Wait!" It was about as much strain as I could stand, hearing his voice break that way. I stopped abruptly at the sound, scared to turn and face the consequences of what I had caused.

How had we gotten to this point, you ask? Does it really matter? I thought this was what you had been waiting for all this time. I mean, are you really reading this expecting there to be some miraculous work of Yeven (or some other deity) to bring everything into a better place in the world? See, I always thought you were here for the purpose of reading about my ridiculous teenaged angsting…

Okay then, if you insist:

X.x.X

I stared at the shadows on my ceiling as they danced about in a silent sort of symphony late that Tuesday night. The conversation (if it could be called that) with Riku that afternoon had reiterated a number of things I had let slide from my mind of late.

First: Demyx was a strong person, but he was also delicate in ways that were complicated and difficult to pinpoint. His self esteem was easily damaged, as were his feelings. He was a professional from all angles at hiding his true, undercover fears and self-doubts. With this in perspective, it became necessary for me for me to admit my wrong-doing.

I had hurt him. Possibly much worse than I could hope to understand, judging by his actions of late. I was responsible for his slump. It was _me_.

Second: Demyx cared. About me. This was mixed into his being, ripping through mine with a further understanding than I should have for a boy my age, but I had been around the block a time or two to say the very least. Demyx was my friend. My _best_ friend. Or was he…. Was he my _only friend_? Was that why this whole ordeal bothered me so much? I wasn't sure, but I knew that it mattered quite a bit.

Third: The fact that I had hurt Demyx roughly equaled out to the fact that I knew it would occur sooner or later. Bad things happen to the people that make the mistake of caring about me. I had warned him. The problem was: he hadn't minded, and by the looks of it, he still didn't. That was…. Indescribable. I really had no idea of how to react to that knowledge.

I closed my eyes for a long moment, knowing I had to do something to fix this, and soon. Thursday was going to be the last day of school before Christmas Break and it would be nothing short of poisonous to leave things like this until after the New Year. Further than that even, I wanted to see him smile and _mean it_ again, something painful.

These feelings – I had never felt anything kin to them before. I just… I wanted him to be happy. No matter what. I was not about to be selfish this time. I was just going to have to find the courage _somewhere_ to apologize for being such an asshole and hope for the best. Demyx was a good person. He would forgive me if I gave him that chance, and really I knew that all along he only ever meant well. I was the one at fault. And I was dead-set and determined to fix it.

X.x.X

"Hey, what cha' thinking about?" The teenaged girl sat down beside her obviously pondering little brother. Late summer had left both of them tan and sweaty under the sweltering heat of the bright sun. The front porch of their family's little cottage-like home wasn't very well shaded at this time of day, but it had always been Zexion's favorite place, as he was too young to go to the beach alone.

The boy jumped at her voice, having thought himself quite alone previously, but smiled a tiny smile at the girl. "Mom," he murmured in answer to the question, almost to himself as a calm expression faded onto his still baby-cheeked face.

"Oh?" The girl prompted.

"…Yeah. Hey, Paine?"

The sister smiled, combing a stray lock of dark brown hair out of her rust-hued eyes. "Yup?"

"What was she like?"

The girl sighed, not nearly as annoyed as she pretended to be. "I've told you before, Zex."

The little boy bit his lower lip, a childish pout taking over for the questions he would have like to ask. "Tell me again?"

Paine sighed, but took a moment to neaten the boy's ever-messy hair while she spoke softly, her eyes suddenly seeing things that were far away. "Well, she looked a lot like you, with hair like yours, only it was all curly-like and long, and violet/blue eyes, with big, dark eyelashes just like yours." She poked the boy's forehead causing him to squirm a little. "She used to read, always, and sometimes she'd read out loud to me, and you too, though you wouldn't remember that. You were barely even born. Her voice… It was like that first cool breeze of fall. You know how fresh and crisp it is? It was like that. She used to wear those brightly colored sundresses. The ones like I used to wear when I was younger?"

Zexion frowned, trying to recall.

Paine smiled a little, sadly. "It's not important. You were really little then too. She used to bake things. You know we used to make cookies for Christmas, by the hundreds, and then we'd give most of them away, to all our neighbors, even the ones that didn't like us. She was just that kind of person." The girl sighed, staring out at the gravel road before the pair. "She was very beautiful, and she always knew what to say to make everything better whenever things were looking bad."

"Daddy loved her…" The young boy added quietly.

"Yeah," the teen replied softly. "We all did."

Silence passed between them for a few moments before the boy took his sister's hand, leaning into her solid frame, sniffing. "Why'd Mommy go away?" He asked finally.

The girl said nothing for a long time. Then she wrapped her arms around the child, pulling him into her lap. She rested her head on the crown of his and closed her eyes. "It's something that just happened, Zexion. Just because you love someone, it doesn't mean that they're going to always love you back. It was hard for her to stay as long as she did."

"Is she ever coming back home?"

The girl stiffened, trepidation seeping into her being. "… I… I don't know, Zexy."

"Daddy thinks so." The boy replied brightly, pulling away from his sister far enough to smile into her eyes.

The girl nodded. "Yeah, Daddy has always thought so." Zexion failed to catch the bitter sadness in his sister's expression.

X.x.X

I hated dreaming about her.

Even more then the nightmares, I just _loathed_ the 'normal' memories. I think I hated it so much because all of them stopped when I reached the age of six. After that, there were no more new memories of my sister to make.

I miss you, sis. Do you know that? Do you know how hard it is to keep going after what happened? I've always been a lot like Mother. Even though I never knew her. You used to say that sometimes too, when I did something that reminded you of her.

I guess it took me a long time to understand what you meant when you told me it was hard for her to stay. I could never quite grasp how anyone would have trouble staying in that cute little beach town. I wonder: Was she running from something in her past like I do? Is that why she couldn't stay with us? I'll never know. The only people that might have had an idea are long gone. Over a decade gone. I don't even know her name. She was only ever 'Mommy' to me. After all, I was just a kid back then.

Heh, and here I am again, talking to you as if you can hear me. Maybe I _am_ supposed to be in a hospital again… This certainly isn't normal.

Gods, I needed more sleep. I nursed a mug of coffee that could easily rival Ava's daily intake as I sat in the dark at the cold kitchen table. It was four in the morning, and I was already showered and ready for school. I must be so crazy… My stomach rumbled and I took another sip of the steaming brew, wondering idly if I should put another spoon of sugar in the cup, for energizing purposes. I decided against it blandly, mostly because I was much too tired (and lazy) to get up and do it.

I didn't have dreams like that one often. I wasn't sure if it was a nice surprise, or if I hated it more even than the vivid nightmares. I liked to pretend I didn't miss anyone, but as I was relatively sure Demyx could tell, I was wholly unable to move past the events of that fucking fateful summer evening in my sixth year of life. Damn.

I shivered, shrugging further into my shapeless grey turtleneck sweater, which was a bit oversized, but I liked it that way. It was probably time to reevaluate my feelings for Demyx, wasn't it?

I had admitted being jealous of him. I had admitted thinking of him as my friend. I had admitted now that I needed to think more on it. What did that mean for these emotions? I mean, it wasn't like I was a romantic sort of person. Actually, I have always liked to think of myself as being asexual. Not needing anyone's love has a sort of strength to it. It was always appealing to me. So why was I second-guessing that now? I wanted to sleep again, but I wasn't sure what would happen if I tried. Normally, I couldn't get back to sleep even_ if_ I tried, and on the rare occasion that sleep took me again I would have continuous nightmares until daybreak, which had a tendency to ruin my day.

I sighed, sipping the dark brew. Today was the day that I would be talking to Demyx. I had…. I had to admit I had been a bit afraid to speak to him the day before, save for inviting him over for supper tonight. I couldn't believe I had wasted a full day. So now, I had just a few hours to fix as much as I could before he went off to whatever Christmas trip he was planning with his family.

What a way to start a very important Thursday! Four o'clock in the gods-damned morning, sipping coffee and talking to my dead older sister who only exists in my nightmares. Fan-fucking-tastic.

I drained the last of my mug and set it on the stained tabletop wordlessly. My eyes drifted closed for a long moment before I shook myself back to consciousness, forcing myself to my feet and taking my cup to the coffee maker, refilling my reserves. Ava would be pissed, because I was using some of the strong mix that she had saved for brewing on Sunday before she would make the long drive to her family's home for the holidays.

To say I hated Christmas would be a rather unfairly huge understatement. I hadn't even decorated the apartment with the traditional tree and garland. Ava called the place, "a frickin' depressing, Scrooge-esk atmosphere." I didn't care much for it either, but when one doesn't celebrate a given holiday, why would they spend all that time and money decorating for it?

Christmas was a time for normal people to visit loved ones they don't even really like all that much, kissing Great Aunt Tessa (even though you remember how she forgot your birthday for the past five years and gave you a toy for a child much younger than you were the one before it) and eating good food, exchanging gifts with the cousins, singing songs around the crackling fire and the piano in the corner that none of them actually know how to properly play, but love it anyway.

Christmas was a holiday to celebrate family ties. So, it was only natural that I didn't participate. After all, there are no family ties for someone whose whole family is dead (more or less).

I sighed again and refilled the coffee maker for Ava's use upon her getting up, and listened listlessly to the chinking of the spoon against the porcelain of the mug as I mixed sugar and cream into my coffee. I stirred for a bit longer than I really needed to, and then abandoned the spoon to the otherwise empty sink and waddled to the living room where I sat in silence and partial-dark for however many more hours it would be until I would have company, nursing my steaming cup.

X.x.X

Demyx wasn't pleased to see the apartment wholly void of decoration and insisted upon our arrival after school that we would all go out to remedy the problem. I had disagreed pointedly, but Ava had thought it was an excellent idea, and so, my silent protests were overruled then ignored completely.

We walked to the dollar store on the corner just north from the apartment building, and there purchased a tiny Charlie Brown reminiscent tree in a gaudy bright green, a string of multi-colored lights for it, a box of candy canes that had one missing and several broken, and a plastic star that was missing most of it's glued-on sparkles, all at discount-price.

It looked like shit.

But… For some inexplicable reason… It made me feel a little better about the whole holiday-thing. Ava set the item up on the kitchen table and Demyx taught me how to make paper chains out of newspaper, with random bursts of color of leftover construction paper from that English project we got a 'B' on some time back, ranting on my 'sheltered childhood' about how I had never 'felt the simple joys of making paper chains longer than any other in the world for the sake of creativity and awesomeness?!'

Okay, let me tell you: I was _six_ when I lost my family. I'm sure I did stuff like this before, but memory is an abstract painting and I really didn't remember all that much about Christmas from back then. Only that it was always just me, Dad and Sis. And that that was always enough. Then….

Demyx waved a hand in front of my face, causing me to blink and yank my attention back to him.

"You okay in there? You sort of spaced out for a sec', Zexy."

I scowled at the nickname and rolled my eyes, but smirked a bit. I gave him a loose-jointed thumbs-up, which made him smile and laugh a little.

It wasn't until long after dinner had been served, Ava complaining dully that the tomatoes had been horrible that year, when the living room was draped in a monstrous paper chain formed from all the loose paper we could find in the apartment, including Ava's style magazines from under her bed (she foolishly thought we didn't know they were there), when Demyx and I dropped the easy façade surrounding season's greetings. We both were fully aware that we really needed to talk.

I was about as far from ready as it was humanly possible to be.

I closed the door to the apartment with a _click_, giving Demyx and me the closest thing to privacy we were likely to get all night. He looked at me expectantly for a long moment before sighing.

"Are you doing alright?" It was a simple question.

"I'm fine now." My answer wasn't nearly as simple as what I said, but it would have to suffice. After all, I had decided that this was about Demyx. Not me. "And you?"

"Fine." He retaliated my obvious lie with an identical one of his own, locking our gazes, grim defiance glittering in his green/hazel eyes.

Silence took us for another long few seconds before I spoke again. "I'm sorry for freaking out on you." It was quiet, simple, forced, and very nearly honest.

"Me too." Apparently, it wasn't honest enough for Demyx's stamp of approval. I fidgeted under his gaze, which had hardened in a frighteningly Larxene-like way. "What caused it?"

"… I don't know."

"Is it going to happen again?"

I was silent, staring at the grungy floor sightlessly. Honestly: probably. But I didn't want Demyx to know that. I didn't want him to worry about me… or decide that I needed professional help. Demyx waited with that impossible form of patience only he seemed to possess for me to reply which came much too late. "I doubt it."

"And why is that?" His voice was still taunt, interrogative, almost holding back a dark side of him I had never really seen. Of course he didn't believe my lie.

"It's not a frequent occurrence." I replied evenly, looking back up at him. "Why were you so upset this past week?"

It was Demyx's turn to fidget and glance away, my turn to look determinedly, stare harshly. He said nothing. "I… Uh… It's just that…" He trailed off, rubbing already gloved fingers together nervously. Nothing more was said for at least five minuets, in which time I lost my patience with the taller teen.

"Damn it, Demyx! What are you trying to say?!" I growled, ungloved fists clenched tightly, eyes narrowed to ugly slits.

He squirmed and worried his raw lower lip, the self-destructive nervous habit it exposed pissing me off every bit as much as his silence, though I knew not why. I fumed wordlessly for several seconds before stamping my foot irritably. "Say something!"

His eyes flicked up to me instantly at the outburst. He stuttered a jumble of nonsensical sounds for a moment before dropping his gaze back to the cheap carpet, his mouth continuing to open and close wordlessly. He soon gave up and silence fell, yet again.

I sighed. So what if it was my fault he was upset? This was just ridiculous! He had _always_ been the one to know what to say. He was never out of words. What was with the sudden change? I didn't know, but I absolutely _loathed it._

I let out an angry sound before turning with every intention of storming away and forgetting any of this had happened, that I had ever let him become my friend, and that I had wanted to fix what I had damaged. It really was too bad my enflamed exit was ruined by his sudden shout of, "Wait!" It was about as much strain as I could stand, hearing his voice break that way. I stopped abruptly at the sound, scared to turn and face the consequences of what I had caused.

He took a few short steps in my direction, stopping at a comfortable distance from my body. Then, so quietly I had to strain my ears to hear, he spoke. "You say… That bad things happen to the people that care about you." It wasn't a question, but I prompted myself for the escape I would need upon his inevitable need for an answer. I had once had one… But now… It had gotten lost in the recesses of my mind somehow. I wouldn't know what to say. "So what about the people that love you?"

I gasped, my body freezing against my wishes, my mind whirring in my head, ears throbbing with the sudden pulse of blood to the overworked nerve. I wanted to run, my instincts begged for my legs to move, but I couldn't. My body was in something kin to shock, refusing to heed my wishes.

Demyx seemed to catch on to my desperate desire to get away, because he grabbed my right elbow, spinning me around to face him, pleading expression on his tan face. "What about that, Zexion? Is _that_ okay? Is _that allowed?_

No. No it wasn't. Because it scared me. It scared me to think that Demyx might feel that strongly for me. Or was that not the problem? …No, no, that wasn't the issue at all, I realized with a painful twinge in my chest. No, the problem was that he might not mean what he said. He might not be telling the truth. He might not understand what he's saying. We were, after all only seventeen. Who's to say that he knew what he was talking about when he uttered 'love'? I knew then that it wasn't the connection that could exist that scared me. It was the possibility of rejection. Again.

"It's not what you think!" Demyx exclaimed in a pitifully small voice, which squeaked a little on the last word. "It's not like some stupid-ass 'the moment I saw you' bullshit. You've grown on me, Zexion, over time. It's gotten to the point where I look back on when I didn't see you at school all the time, and I can't imagine what it was like before having you. I mean what I say. I don't go back on my word as a rule. And my word is that I love you."

I couldn't even think anymore. My mind had gone berserk and shut down completely. My knees shook under the force of my bodyweight, my eyes slid in and out of focus in a nausea-inducing sort of way, and my mouth hung open slightly, disbelief mixing with fear, mixing with the pang in my chest which had not yet gone away, mixing with confusion, mixing with other random unmentionable emotions in my already overloaded mind, causing panic to rise in my gut. My breaths began to come in short, painful gasps, my sight unfocused on what I knew to be my blond friend, although I could no longer compute the expressions on his face and in his eyes. I swallowed a lump in my throat, although my mouth was too dry to make much difference. I wasn't going to last in a conscious state much longer this way…

I wouldn't fully grasp the situation as it happened, but Demyx was freaking out every bit as much as I was. That, in hindsight probably explains what happened next.

Demyx Harper grabbed me by the elbows, pulling my body sharply closer to him, and…

And kissed me.

X.x.X.x.X

"HOLY SHIT! WHY IN THE HELL DID YOU HAVE YO END IT **THERE** OF ALL PLACES?!" lols I'm sure that's something along the lines of what I would say if I were reading this chapter. 8D Teehee. Well, I'm ending it here because I haven't had a good cliff-hanger in quite some time (actually, I'm not sure this story has had one at all…) and I was in that kind of mood today. -grins- -dodges thrown vegetables and stones-

Yes, so anyway, moving on to things you've probably now forgotten since a love confession has that effect on people:

YAY for background story! (At least a little to tide us all over for a hot minuet) And Sister's name is revealed! Paine. Yup. I seriously just realized NOW that I got her hair color wrong. It's supposed to be silver, isn't it? Oh, well. I mean, I've never played X-2 and I for some reason thought that her hair was dark brown… So oh, well. I kept it like that in this chapter, because I figure it's not all that likely that I'll take the time to go back and fix that mistake in earlier chapters… XD Please forgive it. Did anyone see that coming?

And I'm also sorry I'm a bit late with this one. I do hope it's worth the extra days' wait. -smiles apologetically- I went to a friend's house on Friday and forgot to finish it first, and so I wasn't done in time to update on Saturday. Blame me. It's my fault. -blushes- The next one is partially written already, so expect it soon. -grins-

Okies! Well deserved reviewer lovenes time! (I love this part): **Aya Invictus**, **Angelic-Demonic Puppet**, **DarkHenrych**, **Rosedy White**, **Chiebie**, and **QuarantineVirus**. Love you all! –passes out glomps and sweets-

See you people in another few days! XD -blows kisses-


	11. Chapter 10 HelterSkelter Devotion

Chapter Ten: Helter-Skelter Devotion

If my life was a movie, I would have grabbed Demyx's wrist as he spun away from me in his pitied attempt at escape. If my life was a movie, I would have pulled him close to me and kissed him until he cried from relief. If my life was a movie, I would have chased after him in a frenzy, scared for his life as he was going right in the direction of a busy street in the center of the late night traffic. If my life was a movie, I would have shouted after him, screaming my undying affection for him.

My life was never movie-material.

In reality, I stood stock-still, forgetting temporarily how to breathe, my mouth hanging agape uselessly, staring at his rapidly retreating back. The chill of the evening air didn't effect me in the slightest as I stared, only half-seeing the blond musician turn the corner and out of sight. My wind-dried and slightly chapped lips still tingled from the unexpected contact, my mind having not yet caught up to what had occurred. I blinked, once… twice, before I gasped, my chilled fingers flying to my still tingling lips, trembling. But _just_ a little.

Demyx…. Demyx had… kissed me? Was that… Was that even _possible_? By the time my mind caught up to the point where I realized that I should have stopped him from running off, he had been gone for nearly ten minuets. I knew that option was completely void now.

Oh, my gods… Oh, my gods…. Holy Yeven! Demyx!

Demyx kissed me! He _kissed_ me! _He kissed __**me!**_ And then he ran away. He must think I hate him. He must think I don't…

The thought hit me like a ton of bricks. In a single fluid motion, I spun around and whisked myself back into my apartment, snatching my wallet and keys off of the coffee table and grabbing my long coat from its hook, slamming the apartment door shut rather harshly, ignoring Ava's calls, swiftly pacing down the stairwell, putting on my coat as I ran and recollecting myself at the sidewalk outside the building.

I climbed aboard the next bus that led in the direction of the nice, eastern side of town, not really knowing that Demyx would be there, but knowing enough. I needed to see him. Now.

I slammed my frozen fist into the door I knew to be Demyx's family home's main entry. Mrs. Harper opened to door with a sweet smile that faded ever-so-slightly upon seeing my state.

"Oh, you're Demmy's friend. Zexion? Was it?" I nodded breathlessly, swallowing in a fruitless attempt to wet my burning throat. "I'm sorry, but he's not here. He went out." She seemed puzzled, a delicate frown gracing her pretty lips. "He actually said he was out with you…. Where has that boy got to?" I didn't bother to answer, as it seemed she was talking mainly to herself at this point. I instead turned on a dime and sprinted off. If he didn't go home, where _did_ he go?

Then a thought hit me in the form of a memory. Demyx's voice echoed through my head with the words he spoke the day we met, something I had long ago forgotten. _"This is my favorite place… If you ever need to be alone, or you're looking for me and can't find me, come here, okay?"_ It was an almost blind shot, but at least now I had a directory. I hopped on another bus, heading downtown into the school district.

That little wooded place behind the high school was dull and frigid in the late December air, and I could hardly breathe in the painfully dry oxygen at all by the time I reached my destination. It was much like how it had been the last time I came. The trees were barren and sleeping, cold, grey-tinged snow and ice coated the ground, frosting the solid earth below my feet with a trapping sort of cover. The weather was still horrible, decreased to a disturbing chill in the dark, but I ignored it, scanning the trees and groundcover for signs of the blond musician.

Demyx wasn't here.

Demyx… Wasn't here.

My temperature-ashen fingers curled into furious fists of their own accord. He wasn't here. I had come all this way, paid five fucking munny per bus ride to get here, frozen half to death in this gods-forsaken city in the dark, and he wasn't here.

Gods _fucking_ damn it.

I let out an irritated sound before falling back against a tree trunk and sliding down to the frozen earth, not even bothering to shove the clumping grey ice/snow mixture out of my way. I pulled my knees up against my chest, propping my elbows on them, clutching my chilled face in my equally frost-bitten hands. My jeans would be soaked through soon, freezing me more, but I honestly didn't care. I needed to think. Where would Demyx go when he was upset? If he wasn't home, or here?

…

The mall is too crowded. He wouldn't want to go somewhere with so many people he might know with his façade so nearly broken… He wasn't home… He wouldn't return to my apartment after that… He's not…. Here… I groaned, realizing I had been running myself in all kinds of proverbial circles. I didn't know where he could be!

I closed my eyes roughly, massaging them thickly with my fingers. I was to the point of cold where shivering is violent and constricting to movement. I was numb, and yes, my jeans had soaked up wet ice, and were now heavy and frozen. As time ticked away, the temperature dropped steadily, and soon my tongue was every bit as dry as my pale lips, my fingers sore and chilled through (I really needed to start wearing gloves…), my coat providing so little warmth, I wondered distantly if I might be better off without it. My legs and neck and face stung with withering chill, joints seizing up, stiffening in a desperate natural action to conserve warmth. I took several painfully deep breaths, waiting for the energy to stand back up. I couldn't just stay here all night, after all. It was cold, and no one knew I was here.

Best case scenario: I get sick and am bedridden for a couple of days while Ava beats me upside the head with a pillow for being stupid while force-feeding me soup. Worse case: I turn blue, stop shivering, get hypothermia and die a slow, painfully quiet death, probably in my sleep while being plagued with ridiculous dreams involving Oompa Loompas and chain saws.

Yeah, I needed to get up. _Now_.

I groaned as my body protested movement. I ignored the complaints, climbing back to my feet, leaning heavily on the tree while I kicked something kin to feeling back into my legs. When that was done with, I shivered violently, and teetered away, off campus and onto the sidewalk in the direction of the nearest bus stop. It wasn't far, but damn, it felt like such hard work getting there at ten at night in the middle of the wintertime when you had been sitting like an _idiot_ in the snow in _jeans_ for gods-knew how long trying to figure out where the dude that had just _kissed you_ ran off to in his frantic depression.

Yeven.

I missed the bus, which whirred out of sight just as I reached the stop, cursing under my breath for the bazillionth time in the last hour. I didn't want to sit down, for fear I would stiffen up too much to stand again, so I flexed my pale fingers to keep them alive and walked on, knowing there would be another bus stop in a few blocks that I might hit in time for the late-night runs if I timed myself right. I shrugged my hands into the sleeves of my coat as far as they would go, which honestly wasn't nearly far enough to warm them on that last remaining spout of body heat I seemed to possess. If anything, it made them hurt more.

I sighed out a visible breath of mist-like air before continuing down the frigid night streets, nearly empty due to the intelligent people having long ago retired to their homes for the night. Yeah, the _intelligent_ people were long gone. Which left the losers and crooks to roam the streets, along with one stupid-ass high school guy who screwed up horribly, and possibly, another high school guy, this one blond, who was just waiting to be found. Maybe. _Just_ maybe.

Or maybe he had gone home since I stopped there, and was now cuddled up in his nice, warm bed, thinking I was in my own, brooding over what he had done. Shit. I turned a corner dully, my eyes stinging, but adjusting to the sudden brightness of the shopping sector. Neon lights cut through the darkness, lighting up the streets tackily, leading my head to pound irritably behind my eyes in throbbing motions.

I stumbled a little, wincing against the wind and light combination that had a magical ability to make me ill to my stomach. I fond myself leaning against a random building, fighting off the dizziness in my head combined with the cold fatigue and horrible _thu-thump, thu-thump, thu-__**thump**_ of my heart as it fought to keep blood circulating through my body, despite the frigidity of my current surroundings.

I closed my eyes for what could have been any amount of time, only to be yanked painfully from the revere by a familiar voice shouting my name. I looked up to see a person jogging over to me, clothed intelligently in thick winter gear, including a black and white checkered hat and matching gloves. A pink nose and vivid blue eyes poked out at me from behind the coat's tall collar and squished blond bangs, the cap pulled low over the wearer's ears.

As if on cue, a gust of wing blew across us, not affecting the figure in the slightest, but causing my ears to ring and throb, as well as send a violent shiver through my shaky frame. Roxas shook his head slightly, sighing. "You really need to start dressing warmer, Zex. It would suck if you turned into a junior-sickle over night." He smiled at his own joke, which was sourly lost to the rest of the world as I was much too cold and angry to care at the moment for humor.

He sighed again and took my elbow in his hand, pulling me away from the building and across the street, muttering something about death-wishes and idiotic juniors before he all but shoved me into the warmth of a small café.

I gasped as warmth surrounded me from all sides, the short blond sophomore stepping into the shop behind me smugly, closing the door with a bell-like _bing_ behind himself. He winked at me before walking to a secluded corner booth, gesturing for me to follow. I shivered one more time before doing so, sitting across from him on the side that happened to be closer to the sizzling heater.

Roxas rolled his eyes before ordering a coffee for each of us to the waitress that had come for our orders. Then, he shuffled around in a bag I hadn't noticed he was carrying for a pen and a mini-notebook. When he fond them, he pushed them across the table at me, smiling smugly. I raised an eyebrow at him. He rolled his eyes again. "We need to talk. And this is so I can know what you're trying to say."

Oh.

Our drinks were delivered and we both set out at sugaring them to our likings. Roxas finished before me, and took the spare moment to his advantage, smirking. I was no longer wondering why he spent time with Larxene and Axel. They were all just a little malicious and psycho weren't they? "Well, then." He began, "Why are you out here at this time of night?"

I looked at him evenly for a long moment before uncapping the pen and replying, _"I could ask you the same thing."_

Roxas chuckled. "I live a block down from here, and my cousin works here. That coffee you're drinking is on the house because I'm special like that."

I nodded my head in thanks and understanding. Okay, so he had a good excuse…. And I really didn't, did I?

"So?"

I shrugged. Roxas tapped the notebook expectantly. I sighed and wrote, _"Is a man not allowed to have a walk in the evenings?"_

"Ha!" Replied the other. "You're not going to get away with lying to me, Zex. I'm too good at reading people. So what's the truth?"

The kid was sharp as a whip. I'd give him that. I wrote nothing in response. Then,

"Is it about Demyx?"

I jumped halfway through a sip of my steaming drink, sloshing a little of it out of the cup and onto my lap. I scowled at the burning feeling on my left thigh, grabbing some napkins to dab away at the spill, trying desperately to ignore Roxas' laughter. The sadistic little…

"I'll take that as a 'fuck yes!'" He said simply. I was beginning to hate that smirk. "So, what happened?" The look went away suddenly, being replaced by one of modest curiosity that could only be honestly developed.

I sighed, and for some reason that I will never be able to explain, I took back up the pen and wrote… Everything. From my delusional fear of being cared about, to the nervousness involved with Demyx's friendship, to how he had told me he loved me, and finally to how he had kissed me and run off, leaving me to chase after him fruitlessly as soon as my brain caught up to what had happened. Roxas read every word with a solemn expression on his boyish face, never laughing or smirking or anything; even as he looked at me evenly once he was finished, pushing the notebook back to my side of the table. Our drinks were left forgotten for the moment.

"…I didn't know about that secret place." Roxas finally said softly, in a cooing sort of tone that reminded my oddly of a mother to her sick child. "You can't think of anywhere else to find him?" I shook my head dejectedly at the red and white checkered tablecloth. He nodded. "I think I know of somewhere." My head shot up to stare at him in disbelief. First: Did he really have an idea? And second: Why was he helping me?

Roxas seemed to catch both questions in my expression, because he shook is head slightly and chuckled. "Yeah, I have a pretty good idea. I don't know that he's there for sure, but it's worth a try, and you need to find him. _Asap_." Then he smiled encouragingly. "It's okay, you know. He won't break you. He's not the sort that would leave you behind. It just goes against his grain."

I hesitated, but nodded. Roxas was probably right. After all, Demyx _had_ stayed through a lot of shit already. It seemed… almost possible for him to stay longer. We finished our drinks in a hurry, and then Roxas informed the waitress from earlier to tell Cloud that he had gone off with a friend from school and that if his parents asked he'd be a little late coming home. Then we evacuated the comforting warmth of the café, stepping back into the biting cold of the street.

"Okay," Roxas said in an all-business tone, walking briskly next to me, shoving his gloves back onto his small fingers as we went. "I can't go all the way there with you, because this isn't any of my business and _you_ have to be the one to go and fix it, but I'll take you close. We're going to the old part of town, where the elementary school used to be. Are you familiar with that area?" I shook my head. He continued with barely a glace, having expected this answer. "It's not the most pleasant part of town, but it's really nostalgic for people in Demyx's year. He's not the only person who remembers those times fondly. If for some uncanny reason you manage to upset Axel enough that he disappears like this, he's probably there too. Not that that's likely from you." At my questioning glance she shook his head. "Don't worry about him. He's just over protective of Demmy, that's all. He's been looking after him their whole lives. He doesn't know where to put the line anymore. It's not you he doesn't like; it's the role you play in Demyx's life. It's new, and far from safe in his eyes." He didn't elaborate, and I didn't inquire, so that was as far as that conversation went.

We hopped a bus in silence, heading south through the dodgy neighborhoods of the city. We got off at the last stop, in the center of a dilapidated shopping-like district. Roxas shot me a sideways glance, one hand still on the bus' open door to keep it stationary. "Up that way about a block is the school. You can't miss it. Look for the playground. You can see it from the street. Buses stop here every ten minutes until eleven. It's now," He glanced at his wristwatch, "Ten, twenty. Good luck. Oh, and have a happy Christmas." Without a further word, he stepped back onto the vehicle and left me alone on the sidewalk, shivering again with a bit more than just cold.

I hurried down the horribly lit street, following the blonde's directions, not at all certain of what I wanted to hope for. I stopped abruptly in front of the school, the dark playground in plain sight looming many yards from the sidewalk. I stalked in that direction, emotions of all kinds boiling in my gut with the coffee, whose warmth had now officially left me completely. I took a deep, but oddly shallow breath upon entering the fenced in place, feeling strangely trapped, but smirking when I saw the dark outline of a slender, but taller than me person draped across the top of the monkey bars. Roxas was one knowledgeable little shit.

I cleared my throat audibly to gain the person's attention, who obviously hadn't heard my approach. The figure I knew to be Demyx started upon the noise, swinging to a sitting position on the play equipment, tensing, looking around frantically before his eyes landed on me. We stood frozen, like statues, staring at each other for quite some time before the blond dropped to the ground to stand before me, biting his lip again.

"Um, hi." He said quietly, his voice breaking in a pained kind of way. He must have been crying. We stood this way for another long moment, allowing all the emotions in my gut to churn and boil until they became one. Solid. Entity. And that was _fury_.

I didn't even realize what I had done until after my fist collided with the side of his face causing him to gasp out in surprise and pain and take a step backwards to avoid falling. My jaw was every bit as tight as my cold fingers as they fell back to my side, still curled into fists. "You are a liar." I hissed out in a terrifyingly calm tone. Demyx, one gloved hand placed against his hurt cheek stared at me fearfully, eyes still wide in shock. "You told me you'd _be there_." I seethed.

"W-what?"

"The place behind the school. You said you'd be there if I couldn't find you. You. Weren't. _There_." If Demyx had been less shocked by the impact of my punch, he might have been surprised by that. As it was, he took a long moment to compute what I had said. Too long.

Just as he opened his mouth to speak, I lunged at him again, this time grabbing the front of his coat with both hands and yanking him violently into me, slamming my lips against his with a bruising kind of force.

If Demyx was surprised by the punch, he was nothing short of confounded by the violent kiss to the lips. I honestly didn't plan out what I'd do next, so I froze just after he did; eyes wide as saucers, lips stilled, but continuing to touch. It was Demyx who initially pulled back, gaping at me. I pulled back then, feeling a numb heat rise to my face, attempting too late to escape. The blonde's hands clamped around my fists even before they dropped the fabric of his jacket in my haste to get away. I was too tired to fight him much, so after a few trying tugs, I accepted that I wouldn't be released and stood still in front of him.

He stared at me for an excruciating moment, in which I was as scared to look away as I was to look into his eyes. Finally, he spoke. "I'm sorry," he whispered, both of us shivering at a gust of wind. "I wouldn't have run away if I thought you'd follow me." His eyes were shining with a boiling mixture of emotions not unlike the one I had had in my gut earlier. I sighed and he smiled. It was weak, a mere shadow of any I had grown accustomed to, but it was genuine. And that made it more than enough.

He looked me up and down before cursing under his breath, pulling me just a little closer. "Gods damn, you're not dressed for this." He exclaimed, realization hitting him like a ton of bricks. "Even your lips are cold to the touch." His grip on my hands tightened a little. "You shouldn't be out like this, you'll get sick…" He trailed off worriedly, squeezing my hands, the tiniest trace of heat seeping through the knitted fingers of his yellow gloves and into my fingers. "C-can I…?" He leaned forward.

His lips brushed mine delicately. It was nothing like either of the first two (one of which had been my first kiss) which had been filled with fear and anger and panic. No, this one was soft, calm and slow. And warm. Never forget the warm part. I honestly didn't know what to do so I stood still, letting him kiss my chilled, chapped lips, watching his closed-eyed emotions through my eyelashes. After a time that was both long and horrifically short, he pulled away, opening his eyes slowly, leaving one last tingling kiss on my bottom lip.

Then he smiled simply and laced our fingers together. "Let me take you home." I nodded soundlessly, holding his hand firmly, still just a little in shock over the whole thing, but mostly: I was doing alright.

We didn't kiss again, but continued to hold hands until we separated in front of my apartment building. Demyx made me swear to warm up right away, and wished me a happy Christmas, winking at me playfully. Then he turned to head back to the bus stop, but not before shooting a truly beautiful smile at me from across the road. I watched him go, an odd warmth spreading through my chest and into my stomach, filling me with a nice feeling, and suddenly, I wasn't feeling so cold anymore.

X.x.X.x.X

Wouldn't it be funny if Zexy got sick _right_ after this? XD

Soooo… How many of you wanted to kill me for how I ended last chapter? Show of hands? -raises hand as example- -is shot-

-is revived- Now was that _really _necessary? -is shot again-

I'm rather happy with this chapter, if you don't mind me saying. Boy, do I EVER love getting around to events I've been looking forward to for months! And by that, I mean of course the character development surrounding Roxas and Zexion as friends. (lols) ((well that AND Demyx and Zexion finally making out… sort of.)) I totally see it. They'd be buddies in their own weird ways. XD Oh, and ROXIE KNOWS ALL. It's rather frightening if you ask me…

…Right. Reviewers: **LittleLoneLiar**, **QuarantineVirus**, **Aya Invictus**, **dark and light heart**, **T3hTarotJoker**, **DarkHenrych**, and **xGothicxSerenityx**. If anyone ever tries to tell any of you that you aren't completely awesome, call me and I'll shoot them for you. -grins- lols No, really though, you guys and gals rock my socks! (If I was wearing them… but alas, I am barefoot. Think of it in a proverbial sense.)


	12. Chapter 11 Tranquility

Chapter Eleven: Tranquility

The boy ran across dying grass, mixing with sand, mixing with the edges of the gravel drive, which pinched his bare feet a little, but he cared not. He giggled into the humid morning air, it being barely daybreak and ran onward, towards the tiny private beach, dragging with him a large, ragged blue bunny that was missing one of its glass eyes and had a large sewn scar on its neck from the time the dogs down the road got it a year back. It was threadbare, yet clean and faded to a color similar to his eyes, dusty, but somehow bright, innocent, but knowing more heartbreak than they should.

The child skipped to a stop on the edge of the grassy yard, peering out through the morning fog to the sea across the beach from him. He squeezed the bunny, whose name had always been, and would always be simply 'Bunny' tightly to his tiny chest, the doll dwarfing him comically. He was clothed only in a green t-shirt and yellow shorts that his father had brought home for him once among a mixture of other random clothing items when it became all too obvious that he had grown out of everything he owned over the previous winter. He liked these shorts best, because they were yellow, and he always thought of home, sunshine, and Daddy's hair when he thought of yellow.

He shoved some slightly overgrown and matted from sleep bangs from his round, still baby-fat incased face, giving the day another little smile and turning around, back towards the small but well kept cottage, eyebrows furrowing slightly. "Sis!" He called, his youthful voice echoing oddly in the morning quiet. "Sis, you said we'd go to the beach before the trip!"

A teenaged girl waddled from the house at that, rubbing the sleep from her eyes, dark brown hair sticking up in odd directions. She blinked slowly at the child; a little too tired to smile properly, but nodded, following the tot to the edge of the beach where she ruffled his hair lovingly. "You have way too much energy for this time of the morning, kid." The girl replied with a yawn, allowing the boy to snatch her hand up in his and lead her down to the water's edge, where he instantly dropped to a squatting position, elbows resting on knees, big, blue/violet eyes watching the lazy waves in wonder, Bunny safely setting behind him.

Paine sighed and squatted beside him, reminding him to keep from getting wet. He nodded and silence ensued for several long minutes, in which the girl managed to wake up the rest of the way. Then the boy looked up at her, suddenly curious and sad.

"Where are we going?"

The teen sighed, lifting a blue shell from the ground, brushing the sand off of it with her thumb, answering slowly and carefully. "We have to go on a little trip for just a while, Zexy. Just to the city. Daddy got a new job there, remember? He told you. He can't commute that far every day, so we're going there until he can find a job closer to home."

"Are we coming back?"

"Of course!"

The boy nodded, looking back to the waves. "What if Mommy comes home while we're gone? She won't know where we are."

The teen, thinking quickly, patted the boy's head and replied with practiced conviction, "Daddy left her a letter where she can find it."

Zexion pondered this for a moment, before nodding slowly. "…Okay."

Silence took them for another moment before Paine stood, her little brother following suit, shaking the sand off of Bunny and brushing the same substance from his little knees. The girl smiled and handed the shell to the tot, now completely cleaned of sand and dirt. "Keep this," she said quietly as he looked at it with large eyes. "It's lucky, I think. It's the only blue one I've seen all year. It'll help you remember this place until we get home."

The boy grinned and hugged her, but pulled away just as quickly. "How could I forget?" the girl shook her head simply and took his hand, leading him towards the cottage where she would locate his shoes and socks for him and try, yet again, to teach him how to tie his laces.

Neither of the children saw the place again.

The emergency room doctors had to tear the shell from the child's tiny fingers by force, as he refused to let it go. He was never given it back.

X.x.X

On the surface, absolutely nothing changed between myself and Demyx after the events of the final day of school before Christmas. _On the surface._ We returned to school after the holiday (which had a single highlight for me, being the phone calls I had gotten from Demyx, Roxas, and Ava on Christmas morning to wish me a good day which I then succeeded in having) just like any other students in Midgar High. Demyx pounced on me upon seeing me, knocking both of us directly to the floor in his glee, which he had already done to Roxas and Axel earlier in the day no doubt. I had snarled in response to the action, shoving him off of me with a sneer, as I did every time he tackled me. I read throughout all of lunch. Demyx complained about it (but no more than he ever had). There was absolutely nothing about our behavior that would suggest anything at all had changed between us over the break. We didn't so much as hold hands. Ever.

So why, you ask, did Roxas continue to give me knowing glances over the course of that first week? Because Roxas knows _everything_. I think we established that before. I found myself enjoying his company, actually, after everything I had told him, and all the help he had given me that night. He was a clever boy, and I enjoyed conversing with him (on paper of course). It was nice… having friends.

In any case, Demyx had returned to his normal, energetic, bipolar, obnoxious, loveable self, shining those unbearably beautiful smiles in all directions many times over the course of any given day. Riku still glared at me whenever we crossed paths, but he had nothing left to say for a time.

As January rolled through, rains threatening, but not yet returning, instead promising warmer weather that was soon to come, I became able to be described as cheerful most days. Hell, wouldn't you be, if someone promised _you _that soon you wouldn't freeze in the cold anymore? I bought myself a pair of gloves for Christmas, and had even taken to wearing them, even though the only pair the dollar store had left by then in my size was in an awkward pea-soup-green color. They were knit and a little scratchy, but they were warm, and that was plenty for me. Besides, I was much too tight on money to complain about something like a three-munny pair of gloves. That's really rather laughable when you think about it…

Demyx simply thrived on my pleasant mood, inviting me to anything and _everything_ he could on the weekends. Honestly, half of it was random, and three-quarters of it interfered with work hours so I had to decline, but the moments of time that I _did_ get to spend with everyone (especially Demyx) were the sort of things one dreams of, only to wake up upset because it shouldn't have been over so soon.

The first weekend of February was one of such days.

Roxas grinned evilly, spinning the empty bottle in the center of the manufactured circle of bodies, all of us holding our breath until the blonde's wrath was chosen to befall a certain one of us. We were situated in the living room of Axel's family home, on the floor in a circle of 'death', playing the all too well known party game, "Truth or Dare" in celebration of the youngest teen's sixteenth birthday. Surrounding me in the circle, starting on my immediate left was Demyx, Axel, Larxene, Sora (that soccer player), the red-headed cheerleader whose name I could never remember, Riku, Roxas, and another girl, this one blond, whom I had never met. She had been introduced to me as 'Nami the painter'.

The bottle spun to a stop, pointing at Cheerleader-Girl who burst into a fit of giggles and looked to Roxas expectantly.

"Hmm… Kairi…" said he with a smirk, feigning deep contemplation. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare." The girl proclaimed bravely.

Roxas cackled. "I dare you to tell Tidus Star that you love him on Monday." The redhead pouted and put up a slight argument, but she signed the promise note anyway, having been cornered without escape. Then she spun the bottle, herself, which slowed and landed on Demyx.

"Yay!" She exclaimed.

"Truth," Demyx called before he was even asked.

Kairi frowned. "You're no fun."

"I just know who's not safe. After that time you had me drink a full bottle of Texas Pete, my taste buds were _never_ the same." He replied smugly. "I don't trust you."

"It was funny, though." Axel added for the benefit of whoever had not been a part of that particular game.

"Are you seeing someone right now, in a romantic sense?" The cheerleader asked curiously. I stiffened. Demyx smiled.

"Yes."

"Oh? Who?!"

My blond waggled a pointer finger in her direction smugly. "Only one question per turn, Kai. You know that." Without another word he spun his bottle. It landed on Axel. "Axe! Buddy ol' pal!"

"If you dare me to do anything disgusting, I swear to all that is holy I will rip your manhood off of your body with my bare hands and feed it to cannibalistic penguins before your very eyes." The redhead's voice dripped with poisonous venom, but his best friend was wholly unaffected.

"Drink a whole bottle of Texas Pete. Now. Without water for half an hour afterwards."

"What?!" Everyone laughed. "That's freaking not fair, man!"

Demyx shrugged. "It was _so funny_ when it happened to me, wasn't it?" His smirk was inherently evil, and I found myself a bit intimidated.

"I'll get you for this." Axel promised as he rose to collect the hot sauce from the kitchen. When that was over with, which took much longer than one might expect, Axel spun the bottle, still quite red in the face. It landed, to my dismay, pointing at me. Axel cackled. I sighed. "Truth or dare, Zexy?"

I glared at him stonily for the nickname usage, but firmly, deliberately wrote the word _"Dare"_ on the notebook in front of me, smirking into the vivid green eyes. Axel smirked back. Demyx tensed beside me.

"Kiss Demyx. In the lips."

I swallowed thickly, smirk dropping from my face heavily, eyes widening of their own accord, heat rising swiftly to my cheeks. I hadn't thought of the danger involved with my choice. I guess I had expected to be told to drink hot sauce or something, not kiss Demyx. Oops. How could I have been so thick? Honestly, I was overreacting. I had kissed Demyx before, and not just those first few times before Christmas. No, I had actually kissed back a little lately, finally adjusting to the contact, but I had never done it in front of anyone and even in private I panicked for the first several seconds of every one. Demyx had gotten accustomed to it, staying virtually still until I recollected myself. This was going to be weird. _Really_ weird. I chanced a glance at Demyx, who was blushing madly and glaring at the redhead at the same time.

Axel smiled triumphantly back. "Revenge is best served hot, Demmy darling. Remember that next time we play this game."

I sighed, deciding finally that I wasn't about to put up a show because that was weird, and frankly, I liked the total privacy involved with Demyx and my relationship. So, on that thought, I hopped to my knees, spinning to block everyone's sight from view before pecking Demyx hurriedly and falling back to my seat beside him. No one moved for several seconds once that was done. Then it caught up to them all at once.

"Cheater!"

"Hey!"

"How do we even know you kissed him, eh?"

"Kiss him again!"

"Damn it, Mute!"

Larxene whistled sharply when it all became too much. "Shut the fuck up," She drawled with a roll of the eyes. "They kissed. Big whoop. It's a game of truth or dare. People kiss. _It happens_. It doesn't _mean_ anything. So go screw each other and leave my brother alone."

Silence.

I climbed to my feet, exiting the circle, a silent declaration of the end of the game. No one argued. Roxas admitted to me a short time later that he didn't even like Truth or Dare much, and he really was just playing it because of Sora and Kairi, who adored it endlessly. I had rolled my eyes and smirked, showing him that I knew it was all in good fun.

After that, everyone but Demyx, Roxas, Axel, and I went home. I stayed on until much later in the night, watching funny movies on the huge living room television with everyone, throwing popcorn at one another whenever someone got tired. Eventually, however, all good things must end, and this did. Roxas was staying overnight with Axel, but Demyx and I both had work the following morning, so we had to go to our respective homes. I didn't mind. Neither did Axel, I noticed, but chose to ignore the fact.

Demyx and I boarded the bus together, seating ourselves near to the back shivering in the heatless environment. The musician's hand slid into mine a minute or so into the ride, squeezing it firmly. I placed my head against the smeary window, allowing my eyes to drift closed briefly.

I had only just realized that I had fallen asleep when I was shaken awake by Demyx, who found it quite amusing, but decided that for my wellbeing he had better walk me home. I didn't argue, for once in my life, and we held hands until we reached the building. Demyx grinned at me wickedly and pulled me around the building instead of inside it, shielding us from the view of the main street, veiling us in darkness. I leaned against the brick wall, arms crossed, giving him a look that clearly stated, 'What?'

He grinned and stepped closer, rubbing my shoulders a little with his ungloved hands. He had ripped a hole in the finger of one of them earlier that day and decided they were too annoying to wear that way, so apparently, we had switched places on the 'frozen finger chart'. I raised an eyebrow. He chuckled and kissed my forehead.

"When was the last time I told you how much I love seeing you have fun?" He whispered, staring into my eyes seriously.

I shrugged, "That's probably the most clichéd thing you've said to me in two weeks." I replied smartly.

It was Demyx's turn to roll his eyes. "Fine. I see how it is." He pretended like he was going to pull away, but changed course in the last possible second, kissing my lips instead. I froze, eyes wide, just like I always did. Demyx stayed very nearly still until I relaxed enough to close my eyes and kiss his lips gingerly. Then he grinned against me, one hand moving to comb the hair from my face, massaging my scalp in slow rhythmic motions that matched the speed of our exchanged affections. One of my hands found a place around his waist, pressing _just a tad_ on the small of his back. The other tangled with the one of his that had been on my shoulder, fingers locking together naturally, coming up to lean against the wall beside my head, which was feeling rather like a balloon.

When we separated, it was me that placed that last soft kiss on the other's lower lip, my face feeling quite warm in conjunction with that heated feeling in my chest that now had a tendency to leak into my being whenever Demyx touched me. It burned in a way that was so very pleasant, and I felt like I was floating rather than walking up the staircase to my apartment alone that evening. As I unlocked the door, I let a soft smile grace my lips, which were still tingling a little from the contact.

Wow, it had been a good day.

It must have been (at the earliest) three a.m. when I finally stepped into the half-darkness of the apartment, slipping out of my winter coat and discarding my shoes and gloves beside the door. I bolted the lock firmly and tiptoed into the kitchen where I expected to find an empty table and equally void refrigerator, but stopped short upon the sight that met my eyes in reality.

Ava sat in her normal seat at the table in her pajamas, red-eyed and swishing a bottle of what appeared to be beer in circles, half of its content missing. She stared into the drink, sniffing thickly and I knew she had been crying. I stared for a lengthy period of time, before sliding into the seat across from her, giving her a questioning look.

She glanced up at me sadly before sniffing and taking a sip from the bottle. "Hi, Zex. How was the party?" I shrugged and frowned at her beer. Had I ever seen her drink alcohol before? I wasn't certain, but I was quite doubtful that I had. "I need to talk to you." I, of course, said nothing, but waited patiently for her to continue.

She took a deep breath and didn't even try to brush the long bangs out of her brown eyes as she began, "I'm going to have to ask you to start looking for another job." What?! "I know! I'm sorry, Zexion, but I might have to… I might have to sell the shop, which means you won't be able to work there much longer." She looked at me with eyes filled with fresh tears. My upcoming rage evaporated before her very eyes. I nodded. She followed suit. "My dad is in the hospital again…" She explained dully. "They don't know if he's going to make it out this time. If… If anything happens…" She trailed off, but I knew. I knew exactly what would happen.

She would have to go home. I wouldn't have anywhere to work _or_ live.

Shit.

"I'm sorry, Zexion. Really."

I nodded, giving her a look that I hoped told her, 'It's okay. Take care of yourself. I'll be fine.' With that, I went to bed.

I could write to the landlord here and ask him if he had a single room apartment open I could rent. And I lived in the center of one of the largest cities in the country. Certainly, I could find a new job. Right?

After all, Ava was just giving me a pre warning. It could happen. It might not. I would be alright. I wasn't quite so alone anymore as I was when I started this whole 'living on my own' thing, after all. I had friends now, like Roxas and Ava. I had Demyx. All I needed to do was hold strong. It would be alright. Because _Demyx told me_ I was okay.

Demyx told me it was okay, so it must be. _It's okay_. It was going to be okay… I'd see Demyx on Monday.

X.x.X.x.X

Ouch, short chapter. Sorry, my friends. But it's actually early! 8D Who's ever heard of THAT on fanfiction?! Not me!

I just have one thing I want to talk about today:

HOLY COW! YOU PEOPLE ARE SO INCREDIBLE! This story is now officially the most reviewed-to story I have ever written in my life. At this point in time, we have reached 61 amazing reviews, 26 loyal alerts, and an unbelievable number of 21 favorites. I don't even know how to repay you all for being so loyal and sweet! -glomps everyone- -passes out sweets and various other party related oddities to EVERYONE that is reading this-

Because this is a Zemyx, I have decided to present the 69th reviewer with a Zemyx-related gift of your choosing. (a oneshot fic, event request for in this story as long as it doesn't interfere with my plot, or something to that effect.) 8D Just because I love you guys and gals THAT much!

My reviewers: (note: there were TEN this chapter! -faints from giddiness-) **DarkHenrych**, **Aya Invictus**, **dark and light heart**, **T3hTarotJoker**, **ZemyxFangirl**, **Sadist-Schemer**, **QuarantineVirus**, **kenthel**, **Shadow-of-a-Demon**, and **xXChosenHeartlessByHeartXx**. -passes out additional hugs and candies-

Also, I realized that I have had anonymous reviews blocked this whole time. -sweatdrops- So I changed that. ;)

I'm going out of town this weekend, and I have currently no clue as to how that will affect my next update, but I'm sure it will in SOME way…. Just a heads up. -grins- I love you all!


	13. Chapter 12 Exposed Foully

Chapter Twelve: Exposed Foully

I sat somewhere near the middle of the seats in the dusty, outdated auditorium on a dreary Monday afternoon at approximately one twenty-five pm. Rain pattered lazily against the far windows, heavy shades opened to allow the minimal sunshine into the room. There had been a downpour earlier that day, but rain will do as it does, and it is impossible for the sky to open up forever. Chatter from the student body hummed through my senses and I'm sure you, reader, of all people know that I was not particularly enthused by the sound.

However, I found it (like most of my comrades) rather impossible to sink into a dismal mood that afternoon, regardless of the dreary grey sky outside, the stuffy, almost suffocating atmosphere around my head, the buzzing of voices surrounding me. I wasn't nearly as testy as I might have been in a similar situation a few (oh, my gods it really _wasn't_ long ago) months previously.

One good reason for this was the coming of February, and with that, the eventual melting of the ice. The rains were still cold, but not frigid, and the dry months of spring were just around the corner. Another was my current company.

On one side of me sat Roxas, unfocused eyes watching the same page of text in his language book as he had been for the past ten minutes. He had switched early to his summer uniform, a short sleeved white shirt in place of the long one, and lighter weight pants in place of the wool-like substitute. He, like me, had a tendency to actually _wear_ his uniform, unlike some of our friends.

This brings me to my other side, where Demyx sat; humming contently to himself, glancing around him with a brightness to his eyes that only ever came out this way when he was a bit too excited for everyone else's good. His tie was draped loosely around his neck, first two buttons of his long sleeved shirt undone, sleeves unbuttoned and rolled up to his bony elbows. Of course the garment was un-tucked. A chain glistened in the overhead light on his collarbone, and I narrowed my gaze, wondering what sort of jewelry a guy like Demyx would wear. I had, after all, never noticed it before.

I was torn from my line of attention abruptly when a few shrieks and catcalls rang out from behind me, announcing the arrival of another male whom I (tried to) call my friend. Axel, his short sleeved shirt undone, revealing a red t-shirt underneath, tie missing completely, bounded over our row of seats, flopping into the empty one beside Demyx with a grin and a call backwards of, "Sorry Yuna! Didn't see ya' there!" He cackled evilly as he turned back to face the stage.

Over what had become a roar of voices I could barely make out a shout of, "Flint, I swear to Yeven-!"

Demyx chuckled, but wisely chose not to ask.

A few more minutes passed with no real mentionable events until some of the teachers paraded themselves onto the stage, setting down on the folding chairs there. A teacher whom I didn't know personally, but had heard quite a lot about, the spasmodic theatrical professor, Mr. Steiner bounced to the front, throwing his arms out as if he wished nothing more than to coddle us all at once. He probably could have.

He was a rather large man, you see, and one of the older teachers here, with very short hair in an undistinguishable color, and small, black eyes. He was known for dressing oddly, and today he seemed to be sporting the attire of a 'knight in shining armor'. To be honest, he looked a bit like the tin man would, if the character had been overweight.

He grinned out at the student body, all of which was here, with the seniors in the front rows, and everyone else mixed together behind them, filling out most of the seats completely. The closest thing to silence the man would ever see fell, and his grin widened.

"I'm sure you upper classmen know exactly why we're here!" He exclaimed with a fervor reminiscent of the time Ava gave Demyx a full (Ava sized) mug of coffee one Saturday night. We had collectively decided _not_ to repeat that particular evening. "But for you freshmen, I'll have you know you're in for a _big treat_!"

"Yeah," Axel muttered under his breath in my direction, "We get out of two periods of class for this."

"Hush up!" Demyx hissed, punching the redhead's leg playfully. "You're distracting me!" We all turned our attentions back to the still-talking man.

"– Are all going to participate in out annual Spring Bash! This is a week-long event that takes place every year right when you return from your spring break. It starts off with School Spirit Day on Monday, where uniforms are strictly prohibited and all seniors everywhere must be celebrated before we see them off to the real world! Other events take place over the course of the week, leading to the talent performance by some of our most creative minds and the senior prom!"

Knowing when cheering is expected, the masses broke out into bouts of it, although actual interest varied. Demyx bounced a little in his chair, clapping like a moron and glancing over to me briefly, his green/hazel hued eyes absolutely sparkling with joy. When the applause (which Steiner seemed to bask in as if it was essence of the gods) finally died down, another teacher whom I had never seen before came to the front, giving us all directions to put together groups of three or four among our years to plan up what we would do individually for Spring Bash. Then we were to meet up in our homerooms for last period to discuss class-wide events. (It seemed the freshman, sophomores, and juniors each got one day that week to plan out the events for.)

We were dismissed.

Roxas sent the rest of us a casual peace-sign before swimming through the crowds in search of some of his friends in his year. Demyx, radiating excited energy like an active bomb, grabbed Axel and me each by the wrists and forced us through the crowd and out into the main school building.

We ended up in the music room, which was empty save for the pair of freshmen making out there who hurried away, blushing madly at having been caught. I rolled my eyes. Oh, come on! Some people (notably: me and Demyx) could be in a relationship _without_ playing tonsil hockey every time we thought we were alone. Jeeze.

Demyx didn't seem bothered by the event, and Axel seemed more cheerful than before for some unknown reason. I chose to ignore it assuming I'd rather not know.

"So, Demmy," Axel sighed, plopping into a folding chair, long legs going on either side of the plastic back, pointed chin resting on his arms. "You actually plan on making us _work_ this year, don't you?"

"Yup!" Demyx replied cheerfully, already tuning a rather battered appearing violin, across the room from us, still grinning like a fool. "I'm going to go for it this year, you know. I need your help!"

Go for what?

Axel rolled his eyes. "You're not going to chicken out this time, are you?"

The 'e' sting was plucked softly, as the blond set it to the correct tone. He frowned slightly. "Of course not! I want this. It's my dream."

I looked between the life-long friends, trying to decipher just what was going on. Axel glanced up to me, taking pity and explaining. "Dem says every year that he's going to play one of the songs he wrote in the talent show, but he's never actually done it 'cause he's too chicken."

"Am not!" The other exclaimed. "And I really _am_ going to do it this year. It's a big deal," he turned to me, smiling, "because the headmaster's brother is one of those talent-finder people, and he comes every year. The year before last, this girl Axel's cousin knew got a music contract because she was so good! She goes to_ Julliard_ now, isn't that incredible?"

That was… Certainly impressive. To say the least. I wasn't at all surprised to hear that Demyx's dream involved a music contract. I'm sure you're less surprised than me.

"I'm going to perform an original for sure," the blond continued as he rosined up and tightened the bow, "But I'm not sure which one, yet."

"'Rain' was good." Axel supplied.

Demyx made a small sound of disagreement. "The acoustic version was too plain…"

"What about 'Forgetting All About You' then?"

The blond shuttered – he _literally_ shuttered at the mention of the song. "_Noooo_, Oh, no. We don't talk about that one anymore, remember?"

I raised an eyebrow. Axel snickered and turned to me. "Old relationship," He explained with another snicker, "Nasty breakup too, not that it was any time recently."

Demy threw his rosin at the redhead, glaring, then turned to me. "Middle school," he clarified with a sheepish smile. "That was about the time I realized girls weren't all that great for me." I nodded. Axel laughed.

"Understatement of the _century_," He called, earning another stony glare. "She was a real bitch…"

"What do you think of 'Imagine'?" Demyx interrupted.

Axel made an 'eh' sound, before shaking his head. "The lyrics aren't your best… 'Just a Little Wonder'?"

How many songs had Demyx written?

"That one's not a bad idea," the blond musician murmured thoughtfully as he lifted the violin to his chin and proceeded to play his scales. He paused, frowning slightly. "It would need some modifications, though, since a lot of it was written for piano…"

"You've re-written songs before," the other reminded him lightly. He nodded and continued to play the violin a little, softly, thoughtfully. When he finished a song or two, and I was properly dazed by the haunting music, he set the instrument down in its still open case and looked to Axel and me with a bright grin. "What about you guys?" he asked brightly, "Got anything planned?"

I shook my head._ No_, I didn't do the whole 'talent' thing.

Axel shrugged. "I might set something on fire for the hell of it."

X.x.X

"So," the blond beside me fidgeted nervously as I checked my mail in the PO Box-like cubby just inside my apartment building. I huffed angrily. Still nothing from the superintendent? "Um… How is everything? With Ava, I mean."

I shrugged distantly. Not well, really. Her father's condition hadn't improved since the last time my roommate had been home, and that was terrible news. I wasn't going to bother Demyx with it too much, but I didn't want him to be overly worried if I did indeed have to move either, so I told him what was going on. Ava and I had been mooching the daily paper off of a neighbor without fail every day to scour through the classifieds for a job that didn't require speaking. My little 'handicap' had become much more of a nuisance than it had ever been worth, but I still found myself unable to speak to anyone other than Demyx. I sighed irritably and opened the heavy door to the stair well, letting Demyx in before shutting it behind me.

"Is she home today?" the blond who wasn't as much taller than me anymore as he had been when we first met, since I had a single growth spurt of nearly an inch over the winter inquired as we began to climb the staircase. He was only about two inches taller than me now, which I found to be a very good thing.

"She's working late," I supplied monotonously. Hell, it had been a long day. I had been intercepted on my way to lunch by Xemnas and Saix, who had every intention of picking a fight until Aeris, the nurse, had happened upon the situation and sent them on their way angrily. I had completely blown that biology test that Axel kept bragging that he had aced. Demyx and I got kicked out of the library before I could get the book I needed for psychology because Larxene tried to knock him out for saying something stupid at lunch, and the bus to my part of town had been jam-packed after that atrocious school day. I seriously wanted to kill something, but there was no time for that. Demyx needed help with his calculus and I had agreed to tutor him (not that either of us figured we would accomplish much, what with the way we both develop a kind of ADD when we consume skittles and grape pop at the same time, both of which Demyx had on his person).

I unlocked the door to my apartment and let Demyx and myself in. We stripped off our heavy coats, but left our school sweaters on, since the room wasn't really all that much warmer than the outside. "Have you found any possible jobs yet?"

I shook my head with another sigh. I really wished I wasn't so damn neurotic.

"Axel keeps complaining about how the movie store he works at is horribly under employed. Maybe you could work there?"

"Maybe," I replied distantly. I dropped my belongings beside the door and went to the small kitchen where I turned the oven on, just because it was freaking cold in here, and I was sick of it. Demyx followed me after placing his things with mine and smiled encouragingly at me.

"It'll be okay." He said brightly, placing the bottle of pop and bag of skittles (wild berry flavors, my favorite) on the table. "You're so smart, as soon as you find a job that can take you with your…" He struggled for the term.

"Psychotic tendencies?" I supplied. Demyx frowned.

"Your… Oddities." He finished instead. "…Well, when you find the right job, they'll take you so fast, you'll never believe it!" I sighed and smiled a little at his effort, making sure he knew it was appreciated.

"I hope you're right," I muttered before flipping the oven back off, since we had to pay for the gas that runs it and munny was tighter than normal, even. I stiffened when arms wrapped around me from behind, Demyx's chin finding a place to rest on my shoulder. He hummed a single flat note into my ear.

"You aren't going to give up and leave, are you?" he asked into my ear, the warm air meeting my skin and making me shiver. His grip tightened a little. "You wouldn't just leave all this behind, right? I mean, we've got a while before we can go to college, and I can't leave before that."

I didn't know what to say. In all honesty, I may very well end up moving away from this place soon. It never occurred to me that leaving here would affect Demyx, but I realized the stupidity of that thought in a second, when my blonde's long fingers curled into fists around the fabric of my sweater-vest. Of course it would affect him. It was _him _after all. He nuzzled my neck. I bit my lip. "I… I don't know, Dem." I admitted in a tone that was barely above a whisper.

He took a slow, deep breath and let it out before replying. "You need to stop running away from your problems." His voice was clear, but the itching worry in its tone was not overlooked. "It's bad for you, and it scares me to think that you might do it forever."

I closed my eyes and we stayed this way for a short while before the blond kissed my ear lobe briefly and pulled away, spinning me around in the motion, whisking the skittle bag off the table and skipping to the living room, grinning back at me and calling, "Come on! We've got some math to do!" I never did get used to the way his moods could change so fast, but I rolled my eyes and followed anyway, taking the pop with me.

X.x.X

The next week went much in this same way, with uncertainty hanging around every corner. The super finally replied to my letter, informing me that he did, in fact happen to have a vacant one-bedroom I could rent if the need arose, and that he would let me know if that changed. I still hadn't found a new job, although I still worked with Ava's company, which she had already put up for sale. The both of us did little other than school and work, and I found my sleeping and eating habits to be declining again. Demyx and Roxas started feeding me forcibly at school, not that I argued after the first two days. It was good, actually, because Ava and I stopped buying things other than absolute necessities some time right before that, meaning our kitchen was stocked with little other than coffee and cereal. And I'll tell you, cheap cereal gets real old real fast when you have it for every meal you eat at home (sometimes dry because milk was freaking expensive). I was thinning back out, and Demyx hated that. Besides, I would have had to be insane to turn down warm food.

Ava's father passed away peacefully in his sleep near to the end of February.

She was crushed.

I refused to let her feel guilty about me.

She left her number with Demyx and Axel (because she said she just liked them that much) asking to call sometime on my behalf, and paid her last month of rent in full, telling me to use what I had on the down payment for my new apartment, and something decent to eat. She left a lot of the furniture to me, including the kitchen table and the sofa, but took the television and its cabinet with her, along with the coffee maker (of course) and most of the dishes.

So there I was, alone in the two-bedroom apartment on a Tuesday evening at about half passed ten, sitting at the kitchen table with a pencil and notebook in front of me as well as my bank statement, ignoring my pounding headache, trying to calculate how much and which of the furniture I would need to sell. I'd be moving to the smaller apartment in less than two days, but I would be in a bad place if I didn't get a job to afford said apartment after the first month. To keep my bed, or to sell it? Hmm… The couch had to go for sure… Rain pounded outside, along with ripping thunder that I also tried to ignore (because I really never had gotten over my fear of it, however pathetic that may seem).

Because of this, I almost didn't notice when there came a frantic pounding on my door.

Almost.

I jumped to my feet, discarding my pencil, and hurried to the living room where I opened the door just before a second set of knocks began.

Standing in the threshold, shivering violently and dripping wet, was none other than Demyx Harper. His eyes were red and puffy and he was wearing nothing warmer than that trademark slightly oversized blue hoodie, his blond hair plastered to his face and neck from the rain.

We stared at one another wordlessly for a moment before the sight clicked in my mind. I gasped and tugged the teen into my apartment, slamming and locking the door behind him, and then proceeded to tug him by the hand (it was so cold it scared me) to the bathroom, where I started the hot water for a shower and cupped his trembling face in my hand.

"What happened?" I asked seriously. Demyx's teeth were chattering too harshly for him to reply properly, so I shook my head at his stuttering and began to undress him hurriedly instead. He stood there, soaked to the bone, dripping on my linoleum floor, trembling as I removed his hoodie and the t-shirt beneath it, revealing chilled, tan flesh. "Demyx, you need to get in the shower and warm up." I ordered of him loudly. He blinked and nodded; seeming to finally grasp reality enough to slip out of his shoes and socks himself, then undoing his belt with shaking fingers. I directed his gaze to mine with a hand on his chin. "I'll find something dry for you." He sniffed and nodded. I nodded too and whisked myself out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind me to hold the steam in there, where the shivering blond would doubtlessly need it.

I raced to my bedroom, where I got out a shirt and pajama pants from one of the two kitchen trash bags I had packed my clothes and other small belongings into. I couldn't find a spare sweatshirt, so I figured he would have to borrow the oversized grey turtleneck I was currently wearing. That was probably for the best anyway, I figured. My body had been in it for hours, so it would be warm.

I took the garments, minus my sweater, to the bathroom and set them on the counter, telling Demyx that they were there. I frowned at the lack of reply, but left him alone again anyway. I didn't like the eerie silence of this shower at all, I found, as I listened to the rushing water from my place against the wall there. It used to annoy me to no end when the blond would sing in the shower, but I now realized that that was _exactly_ what I was listening (begging) for now.

Demyx vacated the bathroom some time later, bringing with him a rush of damp heat, and a yellow towel. "I'm sorry," He muttered in a broken voice when he saw me. I shook my head and took the towel from him, hanging it on the doorknob. Then I shed the warmth of my sweater and forced it over his head, ignoring his half-hearted protests.

"What happened?" I asked once that was done, glad for the shower's steam as the room would have been quite chilly without it where I stood. Demyx bit his lip and looked away, hugging himself tightly, fisting the fabric of my sweater in still trebling fingers. I waited.

"…They found out…" He finally murmured, glancing up at me fearfully.

What?

"About…" he gave me a serious look then and everything clicked.

I cursed under my breath and took half a step towards him. "You're parents," It wasn't a question, but Demyx nodded in answer.

"I don't know how it happened, but Dad found out and…" He trailed off. I took him up by the elbow and led him into the living room where I plopped onto the sofa and gestured for him to do the same. He stared for a moment before nodding and climbing, instead of onto the seat beside me like I expected, onto my lap with his knees on either side of my hips. He rested his head against my shoulder and my hands went automatically to his waist. "They're going to kick me out." He muttered after a long moment of silence. My grip on him tightened slightly. "I… I'm scared Zexy," He whispered this just before a particularly loud clap of thunder. I jumped at the noise and subconsciously held Demyx nearer to me.

I wished I knew how to make him smile.

"I'm sorry for dropping in on you," He muttered. I pushed him back far enough to look into his green/hazel eyes seriously. "I know you're really busy." I frowned.

"Not too busy for you." I replied, ignoring how stupid it must have sounded. Then, "Does Larx know where you are?" He shook his head. I winced. "You really need to call her." He nodded, but moved his head back to my shoulder. He wasn't going anywhere for a while, was he?

No, he wasn't, and I found myself not minding at all, even though my legs were beginning to fall asleep already. Thunder sounded out. I tensed, but ignored it for the most part. Demyx's breathing eventually evened out.

Then, without pulling back to look at me, he wrapped his arms around my neck and whispered, "I love you."

I gasped, eyes widening of their own accord. Demyx chuckled. He hadn't said that to me since that cold night in December just before Christmas. I found myself smiling, but unable to say anything in reply. He didn't seem to mind my silence, though. Actually, he pulled away and grinned at me fully before leaning back in to kiss me.

I hated the way I froze. I did it every time, and I was never quite able to get over the anger I held towards myself for it. Demyx didn't seem to mind. He never seemed to mind any of that, ever. I don't think I'll ever understand that part of him.

I'll never be certain of how it happened, but somehow Demyx ended up beneath me on the couch moments later with his warm hands tracing up the line of my spine, underneath my shirt, while I massaged his scalp with one hand and supported myself above him with the other, straddling his hips. He made a soft sound into my mouth and arched his back against me, to which I responded by grinding my hips down against his. We moaned almost simultaneously and I pulled away for just long enough to strip him of my sweater. When we fell back together, my lips found soft warm flesh below his lips and migrated towards his throat ever-so-slowly. Demyx whimpered and moved his head to give me more space. I located a particularly appealing piece of skin just above his collar bone and nipped at it with my teeth. The noise Demyx made at that was simply delicious, and I smiled at it, repeating the action.

One of Demyx's hands slipped out from under my shirt to clutch instead to the hair at the back of my neck. He pulled from there until I leaned up, ready to meet his lips with mine again. A tongue slid into my mouth, prodding mine into action. Some sort of tiny war took place, for dominance, but Demyx relinquished the control to me easily. I explored his mouth curiously, smiling a little when he moaned, but making a disapproving sound, myself when I tasted the metallic proof of his nervous habit on the inside of his lower lip. He murmured something I couldn't understand and arched his back again, tugging now on the hem of my shirt. We separated and were rid of it, but I didn't reconnect with him until his was gone as well.

His skin was warm, and smooth beneath my fingertips. His own hands fondled every part of my back and neck he could reach, and it all felt _wonderful_. My attention was drawn to a chain and pendent around his pretty neck and I pulled away to get a good look at it. I remembered seeing a glimpse of it before, but it hadn't crossed my mind in some time now. Demyx, breathing heavily, eyes fogged over and half-lidded, brushed his own fingers against the small silver heart on the tarnished chain.

"It was a gift," He explained breathlessly, "From an old friend who's gone now. It's there to remind me that I'm not ever alone, no matter what. I never take it off."

I nodded and pulled back in to kiss his full lips. I wished for a moment that mine weren't so thin, but the blonde's movements quickly switched my mind back off. We moved in a sort of silent beat, breaths and murmurs and grinds of hips and the movements of our hands, all seemed to blend together as one solid motion, one being, like a melody that only we could hear. I had never felt so alive.

It wasn't until Demyx undid the button to my black slacks that we truly realized exactly what was going on. And instantly, we both stopped. I knew that the shocked wideness to Demyx's eyes, the gaping mouth, and the heavy breathing was all mirrored by myself above him, but that didn't stop me from staring. No one had to say anything for us both to know that we were quite inexperienced. Between us, this was already farther than we had ever been. Personally, Demyx was my first kiss, ever. Neither of us knew exactly what that meant, and that was scary. I found myself asking, 'Is this really what I want?' and in return I heard myself think, '_Yes_. Yes it _is,_' but I still didn't move a muscle. Demyx caught his breath before I did and pushed the hair from my face with one hand, gaping at my fully uncovered features.

I blinked and pulled away, setting myself nervously on the far side of the couch, my hands resting uselessly on my lap. I felt cold without Demyx's heat, but I did nothing to remedy that. Demyx, likewise, sat up, combing his fingers through his still-damp hair and chuckled nervously, sitting close to me, but not too close.

"Sorry," I muttered, staring at the spot on the wall where the television cabinet had once been.

Demyx shook his head. "'S my fault." He replied softly, fidgeting. I turned to face him, only to see him chewing on his lower lip.

"That's a form of self mutilation," I muttered.

He jumped then licked his lips and smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, I don't realize I'm doing it until it starts to bleed…" I wanted to kiss him again, but ignored the urge. Silence ensued until I started shivering. Demyx shook his head and both of us relocated our shirts, putting them back on. "You're too thin." He said just before mine hid my exposed ribs.

I sighed. "I know."

"Then why don't you do something about it?"

I frowned at him darkly. "I need a place to live before I need three full meals a day, thanks."

A pinkness rose to his cheeks and he looked away. "Sorry,"

"It's fine."

The following silence was awkward and long and I found myself drowning in it, praying for something, _anything_ to break it. It didn't matter what. Well, beggars can't be choosers I guess. I got my wish when thunder cracked loudly outside, causing me to start wildly and gasp.

Demyx raised an eyebrow at the spectacle. "Are you afraid of thunderstorms?"

I scowled and turned away. "Absolutely not." Another crack of thunder caught my bluff, and the blond musician behind me did likewise. He took my hand in his (which was pleasantly warm) and led me to the sofa, where we curled up together and I tried to rescue what was left of my dignity by pulling him into my lap, from which he grinned at me rather evilly.

"Planning something, Bunny Zex?"

I scowled at the nickname which I thought had been forgotten. Demyx grinned, but stroked my hair when thunder rolled outside some more. "You know, we're about to end up right back where we were," a giggle, "You think we'll chicken out again?"

I shrugged offhandedly. "You still haven't called your sister."

The blond sobered up instantly, and I almost wished I hadn't said anything. Thunder rolled again, and with it Demyx collapsed back against me, shoulders quaking with horribly concealed sobs. I held him like this, arms wrapped around him protectively, allowing his head to rest on my shoulder, for most of the remainder of the night. He cried the whole time, even after he had fallen asleep.

X.x.X.x.X

Holy fuck, batman! I'm sorry it's been so long since my last update! See, what happened was, the cast got a hold of the script before I wrote more than the first three pages, and Demyx and Ava decided to go on strike because of the bad things that happen to them in it, so I had to write a whole new contract involving some fan-service because Demyx is a sexual deviant and Ava is a yaoi fangirl, but then Axel got mad because he hasn't gotten any good action lately and then… -rambles on with the invented excuses you will never believe because you're smarter than to let me make you think I'd change contracts this late in the game-

WOW. At least this chapter is longer than the last one, right? 11 whole pages! -is shot- Does anyone recognize Steiner? If you do, cookies for you! 8D Because he's from my favorite Final Fantasy, and this story has already seen one character from the same game.

My reviewers have every right to kill me, past and present (so long as they promise to resurrect me afterwards, because I'm back in the writing swing and don't want to lose it again): **DarkHenrych**, **Sarena**, **Aya Invictus**, **Fangirl-16**, **T3hTarotJoker**, **xXChosenHeartlessByHeartXx**, **youngnozomi**, **QuarentineVirus** (who got "One Song Glory" as a giftfic for being reviewer 69), **hanakitsunechan7**, **Chiebie**, **Sadist-Schemer**, **Shadow-of-a-Demon**, **Ainulin**, **MuffenPirate**, and **My-Emo-Sunshine**. Thank you all! You've made all my writer's dreams come true! Please, don't stop now! (It's a green button now, did you notice that? I get angry when ff(dot)net changes stuff on me like this…)

Press the (newly re-designed) green button? XD


	14. Chapter 13 Shattered

Chapter Thirteen: Shattered

I sort of wanted to skip through the grocery store that Sunday evening.

Except, skipping anywhere would have been frighteningly uncharacteristic of me, and might have given small children in the area nightmares. Because I was too poor to afford the likely resulting lawsuits, I chose to forgo the skipping (at least for today).

Why was I feeling so euphoric that I felt the need to skip in the grocery store, you ask? Well, that should be obvious to you, intelligent reader. You see, I, Mr. 'Apartment is More Important than Food, so I'll Eat Tomorrow' Man, was armed on this lovely afternoon with a freshly cashed paycheck from my new job at the local bookstore (don't laugh, it's a good job) and a handful of brand new coupons. Is this a big deal? Yes. Is it enough for someone like me to be euphoric over? Certainly. You would be pretty damn happy too. That is, if you have ever understood the evils of eating nothing but instant ramen noodles and cheap cereal (dry all the time now, because poverty sucks) for three weeks straight, even though neither item is particularly nutritious, only to then get a paycheck and some donated coupons from the old woman across the hall to your new apartment because she thought your boyfriend was cute and wanted to see you invite him over for supper sometime. Did this event actually occur in my otherwise pathetic existence? Pretty much.

I couldn't withhold the smile from spreading across my features as my pale fingers (ungloved, because the weather had finally broken most of the way) wrapped around a gallon of milk. Oh, how I had missed the creamy coolness of my dairy friend! I added the item to my cart, along with the block of cheddar cheese, box of frozen (discount) fish sticks, a loaf of wheat bread, a bag of fresh apples, a quart of orange juice (normal pulp), a jar of creamy peanut butter, a jar of raspberry jam, two large chocolate bars (gods knew I needed something sugary and chocolate these days), and instant coffee (I never knew how much I depended on the stuff until Ava moved away and took the maker with her).

Sighing contently and tallying up my expenses in my head, I pushed the cart to the check out isle, then paid my bill and left with three plastic bags of priceless goods hanging from each long-fingered hand. I walked to my apartment building at a leisurely pace, taking in several deep breaths of the warmer March air. Clothed in just my long black overcoat and jeans for warmth, I was comfortable in the sun, and found myself smiling again when a light breeze toyed with my well overgrown bangs.

It was a good day.

Demyx's sexuality-related mishap a few weeks prior did not blow over like we had all supposed. His parents (father, mostly) had not accepted him back into their gods-fearing household after the few days Axel thought it would take for them to get over it. The blond musician had been a total wreck for a week and a half, migrating from my place to Axel's to Roxas' and back every day or two. He ended up staying with Roxas somewhat-permanently some time around then, and had gotten back into the swing of life, with loads of help (much of it financial, as his job at The Melodious Place really didn't pay enough to live on) from Larxene. It seemed she really _was_ a good sister, after all. Who would have thought it?

Actually, I did. I had always had some kind of respect for her, and I found myself getting along better than expected with the older Harper child, especially when ripping her parents to pieces (in a group that normally involved Axel) became commonplace around the school lunch table.

Demyx had been working busily since February to write and perfect a song for the Spring Bash talent show, and Axel frequently helped him out after school. They seemed to be getting closer to their goal all the time. I couldn't help but look forward to it, even though it meant I didn't see the blond much.

As you can see, while things were not perfect, they weren't bad either. (especially now that I had decent food to eat for once…)

I toyed with the lock (old and rather temperamental) to the door to my tiny one-bedroom apartment on the floor above where my old one had been in the same building. I kicked the item open after a few moments and stepped into my very plan abode.

It was identical to the other one in all the basic ways: stained laminate flooring throughout, the tiny, outdated kitchen with an obnoxiously faithless stovetop and oven (as well as other ancient appliances), the white/grey hued walls, the dingy bathroom, and the creaky doors. This place, however, was much more sparsely decorated than the one before it. The kitchen had nothing in it but a few dishes and cups, and a single saucepan on the stovetop. I had a bit of silverware too, but that was about it. The kitchen table had been salvageable on budget, I found, so it sat in the corner with its two chairs. The 'living room' consisted of nothing but Ava's floor rug and some extra blankets (that actually belonged to Demyx) folded up to serve as seating. My bedroom set had been sold in entirety to afford the first month's rent, so all I had in there was the twin-sized mattress in a corner, sitting on the floor, piled with my bedding. Looking on the bright side, I realized that I wouldn't trip over (or smack my arm against, mid-nightmare) the nightstand if it was no longer present. Yes, I'm aware that I was pulling at straws quite a bit.

I put the groceries away in the otherwise vacant refrigerator and pressed the 'check messages' button on the cord-phone (which had, thankfully, come with the apartments here) that sat on the lonely countertop. It beeped and began reciting my messages in a metallic female voice:

"_Message: Sunday, March the fifteenth at two forty nine PM; "Hey, Zex, it's Rox, not that you're surprised I bet. Look, we're all going to get together__** properly**__ next weekend. You know? To go do something at the mall? I don't know what yet. Demyx wants to do something, is all. I bet he'll come to you about it. Anyway, I guess you're not home… Or you don't even answer the phone even when you are, probably…"_ He chuckled breathily, _"Anyway, I think Dem'll be around tomorrow or something. He really hates how much you haven't been seeing one another… Yeeeah… Later."_

"_Message: Sunday, March the fifteenth at five seventeen PM; "Hi! Guess who! That's right. It's me; your very own loveable little Demmy! Miss me? Well, I was just calling to say 'hi' and to let you know that I'm going to invade your sanctuary tomorrow night, because I'm awesome like that. He, he. Okies! I'll see you tomorrow! Bye!""  
_

"_You have no more new messages."_

I had named the answer machine 'Gladis' because the electronic woman's voice was_ just_ _that_ obnoxious. I rolled my eyes and poured myself a glass of milk. Taking a sip, I studied my current food situation.

"Dinner?" I asked no one. "Hmm…" I turned to the oven and flipped it on. Nothing happened. I kicked it sharply. It buzzed and began to heat up. I smirked. "Fish sticks it is, then."

X.x.X

"Spring break is soon," Demyx said conversationally over the roar of the mall that following Saturday afternoon. We were sitting around a table in the food court, consuming a huge pile of over salted french-fries that rested in the center. We, being of course: Demyx, Axel, Roxas, Larxene, Roxas' friend Namine (the same blond girl that painted), and myself.

"Sure is," Axel replied evenly.

"What will everyone be doing?" Demyx had clinged to his cheerful outlook on life like a nun clinging to religion in the depths of the most frigid of godless winters.

"I'm going to the beach with Sora and his family." Roxas answered.

"I'm going to an artist's convention in Edge," that Namine girl replied shyly, light blue eyes scanning the group fearfully as if looking for someone to disapprove.

"Oh, that's cool!" Demyx exclaimed at her, making her jump and shrink further into her seat. Poor little girl. Demyx always prays on personalities like yours. Namine nodded, her face stained a bright pink.

"I have to go with my parents to visit my aunt in Banora. She's a prick, but I can't get out of it." Axel grumbled.

Conversation died soon after that, until it was almost time for us to go to our movie. It was one I had never heard of, but it got decent reviews, and Axel was paying for everyone, so I had no room to complain.

The movie was… Uneventful. It really was nothing but solid gore, with random bits of sex and drugs thrown in at random. To say that I was unimpressed would be a hilarious understatement. Demyx named all the zombies 'Bob' and 'Kristy', and Axel laughed at all the worst moments, but the experience was, overall, very nearly painless.

I was expecting this day to end as a good one, just as the surprisingly high number of like days had that come since Christmas. I was such a different person now!

Or… Not.

It was a total accident. Some stranger had dropped their water on the over-waxed floor just ahead of me. Nearly simultaneously, Axel got hit by Roxas for embarrassing him and fallen off balance, resultantly knocking into me from behind. Before anyone could so much as blink, I had stumbled forward, slipped on the spilled beverage, spun about and fallen heavily to the floor, knocking the wind out of my chest.

I gasped as my world began to spin. I could hear the voices of others nearby, but they seemed to be fading out like they were in another room with the door closed. I sat up slowly, blinking the red from my eyes, gasping at the spinning….

_Spinning…_

I could hear them talking, but it was so far away! Where had my friends gone so fast? I couldn't see them anymore.

_Red…_

The voices were drowned out rather suddenly by the screeching of metal through my mind, pairing with the spinning, the red, the smell of blood… _Of death_.

Spinning… That's right… We had been spinning. Someone screamed. _Was it me?_

I don't remember much that happened after that.

All I can recall is fragments, meaningless words, and short intervals of visuals, like a broken video, cursed to play only parts of the movie forevermore. None of it makes much sense, but Demyx was in several of them, those full, pink lips forming words, green/hazel eyes clouded with unshed tears, arms reaching around me as if to lift me up. It's frustrating, really, because I knew he was speaking, but just as if I were under water, I heard nothing of his voice.

It hurt!

And then it all went black.

X.x.X

When next I gained consciousness, I found myself lying in my own bed, tucked carefully between the sheets and dressed in pajama pants and a loose fitting t-shirt. My head felt like it had been split into many fragments, which had then been coated in salt, sand and rubbing alcohol and grinded together, just for kicks. I groaned at the pain of it all. What had happened?

And why the hell did I feel like something was missing from in my bed?! I checked, and found that the small mattress was every bit as occupied as it ever was. Why did I feel disappointed to find it this way?

I moaned through the pain as I pushed myself to a sitting position, finding my whole body to be achy and tender like my cranium. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and stood up slowly, tottering across the small room and pulling the door open.

I was greeted with the sounds and smells of someone busily making chocolate-chip pancakes in the kitchen and a flash of memory that explained the odd feeling of emptiness in the bed.

X.x.X

The blond teen leaned over the smaller boy his age, having successfully redressed him into pajamas and tucked him into bed. Still, Zexion trembled and whimpered, barely even understanding of what was going on in the real world; in the place outside of his terrifying illusions, his memories. Demyx gnawed on his lower lip nervously before kissing the hyperventilating boy's forehead.

"I'm going to be right here, Zexy." He murmured softly against the other's over-heated skin. "Just call me if you need me."

The traumatized teen gasped and pale, shaking hands shot from their cage beneath the blankets to cling to the front of Demyx's yellow t-shirt desperately. "No!" he croaked in a way that made him sound frighteningly like a small child. "St-stay…"

The blond musician was not one to turn down someone in need. Especially _his_ Zexy.

Because of this, he nodded, forced a slight smile passed his frightened lips and crawled into the bed, even though it really wasn't quite big enough for the two to share. The smaller male pulled him closer, and fell into a fitful sleep sometime after.

X.x.X

I sighed in shame. Had I really done that?

My question was left unanswered by the excited call of, "Zexy! You're awake!" Demyx bounced over to me, still wearing yesterday's yellow t-shirt and baggy jeans. He took me into his arms, hugging me closely and not letting me go. "How do you feel?"

"Uh…" Why was my mind working so slowly? "My… head hurts." I mumbled. Demyx pulled back, holding me at an arm's length away, studying me half-seriously, half-mirthfully.

"Well, I'd bet!" He replied cheerfully with a chuckle. "You hit your head pretty hard."

"Hit… my head?" I looked the blond in the face for the first time that morning and couldn't suppress a gasp. Underneath his left eye was a large and unsightly bruise. I touched it gently with trembling fingers, gaping and more than a little afraid to hear of how the purple mark had gotten there. Demyx closed his eyes seriously, but reached up to hold my hand.

"It's okay," He murmured in an uncharacteristically soft voice. "I'm not mad. I know it wasn't on purpose." I tried to pull away, the truth dawning on me painfully. Demyx squeezed my hand, holding me close. He opened his eyes. They blazed frighteningly, hard and dark. I dropped my gaze. "You couldn't even see me there," He explained determinedly, "I knew you couldn't. You couldn't hear me either. Zexion, look at me!" I did as I was told. His hardened eyes softened instantly. "You were flailing out wildly. Anyone could tell you didn't mean it." He wanted the blame to stay off of my shoulders, but gods! I had hit him! There was no excuse! I scowled at my own idiocy. "It doesn't even hurt. I swear, Zexy, it looks a lot worse than it actually is." I struggled to escape again, but he pulled my body against his, sandwiching me between the plain wall beside my bedroom door and his body.

I gasped and fought off nausea and the undeserved warmth of his embrace for several minutes before collapsing against Demyx's shoulder, totally spent, dry sobs wracking through my frail body. "Oh, my gods," I wailed breathlessly into his neck. I repeated it over and over and over again until my voice failed me and I still felt like I could never be forgiven.

But of course, Demyx forgave me. Demyx_ never_ failed to forgive me. And I didn't do anything to be worthy of it.

He led me to the makeshift sofa and pulled me down into it, holding onto me almost as tightly as I clutched the sides of his t-shirt. We sat this way for quite some time, him combing fingers through my hair, but making no moves to quiet my crying. I forced something kin to calm over my being, but couldn't get myself to sit back up to look into the eyes of the blond. I didn't want to see the emotions there.

"Please…" I muttered through clenched teeth, shivering at the repressed memories that threatened to break free. "Don't send me away… I don't… I cant!" I could say no more.

Demyx kissed the top of my head and replied, "I'm not sending you anywhere you don't want to go. But…" His grip tightened a little. "You weren't coming out of it!" I flinched at the hysteria, the crack his voice took on, the stiffness of his body all of the sudden. "I didn't let them take you to the hospital, because I knew what it was. I'd _seen_ that look in your eyes before! But then… It didn't go away. Before… It only took a few minuets. But this time…" He trailed off.

"…I don't know what to say."

Demyx pulled me roughly away from his shoulder, looking me firmly in the eyes. "We had been here for over an hour! You weren't responsive yet! I was _so scared_, Zexion! I thought you were never going to come back!" His eyes watered, but burned with a frightening sort of ire. "I was afraid I'd made the wrong decision. So tell me what to do, damn it! Because I-" He didn't need to finish. I knew. He couldn't take this forever. He had his own problems to deal with, after all. I knew. I understood.

But I didn't know what to do about that. I broke eye contact. Why did I have to be so fucking neurotic? Demyx deserved someone stable… Someone who could love him properly. And I-

I wasn't anywhere near good enough.

"You do understand what you have to do, don't you?" He asked after a long moment of suffocating silence. I looked back up at him. No, I didn't know. He sighed, as if it were the simplest thing in the world. His eyes softened a bit, but remained determined. "You have to open up!" He exclaimed brightly. "You obviously have memories of things that bother you. I'm going to bet that you've never talked about them properly either." I hesitated, but nodded. He smiled softly. "That's terrible for you. People need people. I think you'd be happier _and_ more comfortable in your skin if you spoke up once in a while."

I tried not to get angry. I knew Demyx meant for the best, but… "It's not like it's easy!" I spat. Gods, I had been totally silent for so long… "It's not like all I have to do is open my mouth!"

"That's where you start." Demyx wasn't going to drop this. "Zexion, you need to be okay. I can't help you if you won't help yourself. And I _want_ to help you." Demyx was revving up the engines to some sort of bulldozer, I realized. He wanted to help me, and I knew from the look in his green/hazel eyes that he was going to drive the bulldozer straight through my inner walls himself, even if it killed him. It made me feel guilty, because he shouldn't have to, but he did. I said nothing. "Tell someone about yourself. Your childhood; whatever it is that hurts you in your nightmares! Tell someone; tell _me_."

I gaped. I hadn't… I had never spoken to anyone about this… Not _really_. Even the therapist that one foster mother had sent me to. I had never delved into that poisonous territory.

_Bad things happen to the people that care about me. _

I shook my head. Demyx sighed. "I don't think I can do it…" I whispered.

"Not today," the musician agreed kindly. "But you need to do it. Soon." He was right, I'm sure. "Maybe that's all you need to do. Maybe you just need closure."

Closure?

I doubted it was even possible.

"Come on, then," Demyx said a moment later, pulling himself and me to our feet. "Breakfast."

X.x.X.x.X

Yeah… I've been odd lately. By this, I mean: I've been really happy, and really depressed almost at the same time. NOT NORMAL. But it's all good, because I got this chapter done in a nice timely manner, regardless. 8D

Whoa, I hope the hysteria level in this chapter was high enough. Anxiety sucks, kids. Remember that. You take PTSD!Zexion and add anxiety to that and you get:

CRAZY FLIP-OUT POTENTUALLY VIOLENT CRYING FLASHBACK!ZEXION.

Oh, and I'm skipping with euphoria over my awesome reviewers being much better at being on time than me! -blows kisses- **QuarintineVirus**, **Aya Invictus**, **Sadist-Schemer**, **Ainulin**, **xXChosenHeartlessByHeartXx**, **hanakitsunechan7**, **Chiebie**, **TheKabbageKat**, **T3hTarotJoker**, **LawlietxRinoa**(who went through and read and reviewed to almost every chapter so far in one go, thanks!), **evil-neji**, **DarkHenrych**, **My-Emo-Sunshine**, and **LiteraryMirage**. Thank you all! XD

And Happy Thanksgiving! (early, but we ALL know I'm not going to update again before Thursday.)

Next stop: IMEA!!! XD


	15. Chapter 14 Belated Assistance

Chapter Fourteen: Belated Assistance

It wasn't long after Zexion's breakfast breakdown, where his entire being shuddered to a halt to the point where even the tear glands shut down that Demyx's love fell into a fitful sleep on the makeshift couch (the pain medicine helped a lot, admittedly) and the young blond musician was left to his own devises. This was, believe it or not, exactly what he wanted.

Gnawing on his lower lip and pacing the tiny apartment, the blond boy toyed with the cell phone in his shaking hands for quite some time before he believed it safe enough to commit one crime he feared the sleeping bluenette would never forgive him for. With a shaky sigh, he fished through the numbers on his call list until he reached one he had never dialed. "Am I really going to?" He murmured under his breath, even as he heard the ringing on the other end. Before he could back out, hang up, and give in to his more unobtrusive side, he heard a click on the other line and the clear, bell-like voice shot through him like a bullet to the chest.

"_Hello?"_ Ava asked into the receiver on the other end.

Demyx swallowed thickly. Too late to go back now…

"_Um, hello?"_ She was impatient with the silence. Shit.

"Uh- Ava!" Demyx exclaimed into the air, voice cracking with nervousness.

"_Oh,"_ She seemed surprised, but cheerful enough. Maybe this could go for the better, after all? _"Hi, Demmy. How's everything?"_

"Um… fine… for the most part… You?" Small talk. Oh, how Demyx hated it!

"_Getting by. You know how it is." _Her voice was tired, but she still seemed pleased to have heard from him. _"What about you? It's not every day I get a call from high school kids in the city."_ She chuckled, which helped to strengthen the boy's resolve. It wasn't difficult at all for Demyx to imagine Ava in a home, possibly her bedroom. She was sitting on the floor, or maybe on her bed. Her long, dark hair was pulled away from her face in a messy bun and her clothes were slightly oversized and comfortable. The bangs that often fell in her deep brown eyes were pushed away for the moment and she was smiling. Maybe she leaned against a wall, and maybe it had the band posters that used to reside in the living room pinned neatly behind her head. Her clothes were dark in hue probably, except for her socks, which were striped in hot pink and green. She was that sort of woman, Demyx figured. The sight, however trite it seemed, calmed the blond a bit. Ava was a caring sort of person. She was so easy to like, and easier to speak to. Demyx took in a deep, slow breath, regardless.

"I need to talk to you, actually."

"_Shoot."_ Still light hearted.

"About Zexion."

_Silence._

Perhaps she heard the strain in Demyx's voice, or perhaps she had seen it coming eventually, but when she finally answered, it was in a tone of the reserved worrier, almost in a maternal sort of way. _"How bad is it?"_

Demyx flinched. "Honestly, I'm not even sure what 'it' is. That's what I need from you."

A sigh that sounded more like white noise from here, miles away from the older human made Demyx shudder again. _"I don't know what you want me to tell you, Demyx. I just… know the parts that apply directly to me. The inability to speak does lead to that effect… Sorry."_

Demyx sighed, too. "Yeah," he muttered. "You realize though, how scary it is."

"_Of course. The nightmares again?"_

"And flashbacks." He toyed with his yellow t-shirt absently. A shower and change of clothes would be nice… But not now. Not until he knew what was going on.

Ava took in a sharp breath of surprise. _"Flashbacks?"_

Curse it all. He'd already gone far beyond the boundary of return now. "I think… They're like the nightmares, only worse because he sees them when he's awake. It's… hard for me to know for sure."

"_I guess I didn't know him as well as I thought."_ The very idea disturbed them both. _"That poor kid. I always felt for him."_

"Why? What do you know, Ava?"

Hesitation. It lasted so long, Demyx was about to speak again, to apologize. Then, _"He was barely sixteen when I met him for the first time. A friend of a friend of mine worked in his city – he lived in Modeoheim at the time – and heard about him some way or another. I was young, and naïve, but I had a dream about taking that stupid company all the way to the top, to be as good as Shinra's if at all possible. I jumped on the opportunity. He's… He's so much __**smarter**__ than he likes to let on, you know."_

Demyx nodded, although he knew he could not be seen. Yes, he knew that.

"_He was perfect. Young, talented, and in great need of a new home. I was enthralled just by the idea. 'He could be the associate I'm looking for,' I thought. When I met him, I… I fell for him immediately. He was a sorry, thin little creature with no self esteem and a future he couldn't see. The dispassionate demeanor: it was nothing short of adorable to me. I wanted to help him. Maybe it was selfish, but I wanted to frame him into the business partner I'd longed for. He agreed to work for me, and I offered to give him my second bedroom, so long as he worked well enough to pay for himself. He accepted and moved in just as the summer started. That's when I began to realize just how troubled he __**was**__."_

"Nightmares?"

Demyx imagined Ava nodding her head gravely. _"They were always worse when it stormed outside, and it does that a lot in the spring here… Sometimes I could hear him screaming."_

"It bothered you, of course." Demyx knew just how it made _him_ feel.

"_Naturally. At first, I tried to talk to him about them. I had been told by his foster parents that the nightmares existed, and that he had gone to therapy for them in the past, to no avail. I never thought much of it, until I witnessed a few from the next room over."_ She paused, and the blond was sure the dark haired young woman was shivering from the memory. _"I wanted to help him, but he was so closed off, and I eventually decided that he might like me better if I was there, but not pushing."_

That didn't work. Demyx knew that didn't work. Not with Zexion.

"_I brought them up, casually, every once in a while, but he seemed calmer when I pretended not to notice… I didn't know anything about flashbacks."_

"I guess they don't happen much. He seems all surprised afterwards." Was this knowledge a comfort to the girl? Or did it make her feel worse? Demyx's wasn't sure.

"_I love that boy. He's absolutely like no one else. I wish I could have been better family for him."_

"He cares about you a lot, Ava." That's part of why he distances himself from you.

"_He's a good boy."_ She sounded a lot like a mother now. _"He just needs a good family, if you ask me."_

"What happened to him?" The curiosity scorched the inside of Demyx's stomach, directly next to the guilt from turning on his love.

"…_I don't know. But he was living with a foster family when I met him. I always figured that part of him was none of my business…"_

"He wouldn't have told you if you asked, though, would he?"

A forlorn chuckle. _"No, probably not. It's most likely too much to write."_

"I think he'll tell you someday." He hoped he wasn't lying.

"'_Tell' me? Demyx, what are you getting at?"_

This was it. The part Demyx was dreading. "It's his secret… I told him I'd keep it, but…" She, of all people, needed to know. "Zexion's vocal cords are in perfect working condition."

It was silent for a long moment, in which the blond teen chewed his lip open, causing blood to trickle into his mouth. He made a sour face at the taste. Not that it mattered much to him by then. The betrayal was worse.

"_That… actually makes a lot of sense."_ Ava murmured in a low voice. _"I bet he talks to you, huh? Just you?"_

"I'd like to change that. He's got a… good personality when he forgets that he's not alone. There's some life in there, yet."

"…_Take good care of him."_ This was the line that threw everything off. Demyx fought to understand, to not shout out, and to pretend it didn't mean so much to him. Because he didn't know what Zexion thought privately either… _"You're obviously someone he loves very much. Don't let him get broken. I wasn't… It's not my kind of love he needs. It's the kind of love a friend isn't capable of passing on." _A shaky breath, followed slowly by a faint whisper, _"What are you going to do?"_

Demyx said nothing. Because he truly didn't know. Words echoed in his head, _'someone he loves' '__**loves**__'_. Demyx couldn't help but feel uncertain. Sure, Demyx loved _Zexion_, but that emotion is so rarely (practically never) even. Someone loves. Someone is loved.

That's not even. Demyx used to think it didn't need to be. But maybe…. Maybe he needed a little love now and then too…

X.x.X

I woke to murmurs from the kitchen. Groggy, and unsure of much, headache returning with a vengeance, I laid still and quiet. What was being said?

"Yes… Of course. You're right. I- I do." It was Demyx's voice. Who could he be talking to….? "I promise, Ava. I'll look after him. I swear. No. ...Come on now, that's not fair. Don't blame yourself. No. It's going to be fine." He sighed irritably. "Sorry I got you worked up." I zoned out by mistake for another moment, and the next thing I knew, Demyx was kneeling beside me, stroking my hair.

"Dem?" I muttered, too tired to really get angry over the weakness in my tone.

He started violently, but smiled when he saw my open eyes. "Hello," he whispered.

"…Why were you talking to Ava?"

He froze and instantly I understood. I scowled.

"You told her?" I couldn't quite get the anger into my voice the way I wanted to, but it was hardly necessary, what with Demyx's instant hushed frown. He was guilty.

"I'm sorry," He whispered. "I know I told you I'd keep the secret… But she… I needed…" He trailed off. It wasn't long after that when I melted.

Damn him. Damn him and Ava and my wild, untamable emotions all to hell. I _couldn't_ blame him. Not after what I had put him through. He deserved whatever he could get to make it easier. I frowned darkly, regardless.

"Don't close me out!" He exclaimed suddenly, breathless and panicked, hands clutching to mine, trembling. "_Please!_" The wild, fearful look in his green/hazel hued eyes reminded me, again of the bulldozer. The key was in the ignition, he was ready to go, to fix me. He was ready to break down those remaining walls. I was going to be totally vulnerable soon, and I-

I was terrified.

I nodded and squeezed his hands back, but said nothing. I guess I could understand. I put a lot of stress on Demyx's shoulders. A lot of pain. He deserved a confidant. Okay. At least it was Ava, at two hundred, plus miles away. That was about the best I could hope for. _Alright._

X.x.X

"Hey, I brought some groceries!" Demyx cheered happily something like a week after the movie theater incident. I had given him the cold shoulder for a while, but that got old pretty fast and Demyx was an easy person to forgive, anyway. "From me n' Larxene!"

I smiled nervously and let him into my tiny apartment, relieving the plastic bags from his arms and leaving him in the main room to shut the door. The smile widened somewhat childishly when my eyes fell upon the contents of the bags. A dozen eggs, three boxes of mac-n-cheese, two large tomatoes, a bunch of ripe bananas, a loaf of white bread, a bag of chocolates, and a gallon of cold, white, _wonderful_ milk.

The weight of a chin on my left shoulder pulled me swiftly back from my pleased daydreams about milk and cookies… milk in my coffee… milk with breakfast… _chocolate milk_… Demyx chuckled and kissed my cheek. "How's that?"

"Thank you." I murmured quietly before pulling away from his warmth to put the items away.

"Any time." He reminded me of an old fashioned court jester when he smiled like that, with one eye closed in a prolonged wink and the thumbs up from both hands in the picture. The magic wouldn't be around much longer, I knew. He was here for a reason. I had no choices left.

To avoid the subject, just the way he doubtlessly knew I would, I wandered away to the living room, and then into the bathroom, from which I collected my dirty laundry in preparation for the trip to the basement for cleaning that needed to happen. Pronto. Maybe I could get away and do it first?

Demyx's warm hands closed around my wrists lightly from behind, the silent answer. Fine. I sighed.

"Are you going to be okay?" He whispered, although he knew full well that my personal feelings on the matter weren't important anymore. I had to get this over with. I had asked him this morning to come over, after all. I brought this upon myself.

I was ready.

Or… I understood that I needed to be, at least.

I sighed and pulled away from his grasp easily, setting my laundry hamper next to the door. It would be important to have a good way out if things got too… Too… Was there even a word to describe what this was going to mean?

I frowned at the chipping paint near the bottom of the door, not really seeing anything at all. Something that had failed to occur to me in these past few days, since I had been totally preoccupied with school, work, bills and gaining the courage I needed to talk to Demyx today… I had missed the major concerns here.

I was… damaged – at best. Demyx already knew that of course, but what if it's worse than he thought? What if he realized just how screwed up I really was? How nothing had ever worked, how I hated people, how it wasn't that I didn't trust anyone: it was that I _couldn't_? What if he came to his senses halfway through, and realized that this whole thing; getting me to open up (at least a little, though it was not a stretch at all to say he had made more progress with me than anyone had ever thought possible), making me spend time on things other than breathing was all in vain? What if he couldn't take me anymore, when he knew who I was? What if he –

What if he went away? What if he went away and _never_ came back?

I shuddered. It would be… for the better, really, I had to suppose. Terrible, horrible, dreadful things happened to those who dared to care for me. Just because Demyx ignored it, and forbade me from reminding him didn't mean it wasn't true. I was jinxed. Cursed. _Afflicted_. There was no way to deny _that_, even for him.

It would be for the better. _It would be for the better._ I chanted it to myself in the form of a mantra as I walked back to the kitchen, getting out two mugs for coffee, heating water automatically over the stove top. _It would be for the better._ But I knew it would be… It would be…

Terrible.

My hands began to shake of their own accord, annoying me more than anything as it became especially difficult to pour the water and stir in the coffee mix. I handed Demyx his cup carefully, trying to ignore his nervous glances at my apparent pallor. It wasn't important. Demyx was right: I needed this.

We sat at the kitchen table in silence for a long moment. I could hardly see; colors swirled through my vision distantly, but I knew the blond musician was staring at me, waiting for me to begin.

I wanted him to tell me he loved me. Just…

Just one more time.

Even though I had never, _could never_ return the sentiment, it made me feel like I could make it through everything when he said it. Demyx could sometimes read me like a book. So frequently he knew exactly what to do for me, to make me better. He waited in silence. Not so much today, apparently. I took a deep breath.

"No more putting it off now, I guess?" I was proud to hear how even my voice sounded, although it came out monotonous and empty. Demyx licked his battered lips anxiously and nodded once.

"…Okay," I muttered. "I guess…" What should I say?

"You should start at the beginning," Demyx supplied softly.

"Yes," I agreed blandly, "I guess I should."

X.x.X.x.X

Happy [late] New Years! I'm really rather upset with myself. You see, I meant to update for my birthday (Dec. 15), but that came and went, so I decided to update for Christmas (failed), which is also behind us. Then I thought of updating for New Years… But I'm a bit behind there too. It's depressing me. -big, sad, frowning face-

BUT, I'm here now, so that'll have to do. I must say, I rather hate this chapter. I feel like it's not anywhere near as good as my standard, but I'm too tired (and sick, freaking sinus infection…) to really go and rewrite it. Not a lot happened. -pout- so much of this chapter is about setting up for NEXT chapter, and it's barely seven pages. -feels terrible- And I'm not happy at all about having to kidnap Demyx's POV, because I hate to do that so late in the game, but I wrote myself into a corner for this one. I couldn't get around it.

Soooooo, next chapter is what we've all been waiting for! Zexy's Past! In complete detail! 8D -throws party- I've been holding my breath for this moment since chapter three. (at the latest)

Reviewers! (We've hit the **triple digits** now! OhMOIGODS.): **QuarantineVirus**, **LawlietxRinoa**, **Aya Invictus**, **LiteraryMirage**, **MuffenPirate**, **Chiebie**, **Ainulin**, **Sadist-Schemer**, **My-Emo-Sunshine**, **(an unnamed reviewer)** [Thanks so much, dear! And I'm glad you're enjoying it. –hug-], **DarkHenrych**, **T3hTarotJoker**, **Peorth Undead**, and** purewhiteshadow**. Thank you so much everyone! You're truly inspiring words are what keep me from gong nuts these days. You are the reason I'm still going with this, and you are the reason I'm going to finish it, before I work any more on IMEA. Words can not even describe the gratitude and love for you that I have.

Next chapter will be just for you!


	16. Chapter 15 Chronicled

Chapter Fifteen: Chronicled

"When I was a baby, my family lived in a little village south of Junon, right on the water. We had this little beach on our property and a little house too." My voice was haunting, even to me, and I almost wished I could write it down instead of going out loud. It would have been easier.

Demyx sat across from me, tense hands cupped around a hot mug of coffee, green/hazel hued eyes watching me carefully.

I sighed. "They didn't have a lot of money. We never did, really, but my dad never wanted his family to think that way. My mother and-" I swallowed heavily, "S-sister had a lot more than you might think for a low income household like ours." I stared into the contents of my own mug, too nervous to look at Demyx, now that I had begun my story. "I was born… early. Premature. I guess I was sick a lot in the first year or so. I'm a little sketchy on the details of it." I chanced a glance at Demyx, who nodded his understanding. "I don't remember my mother at all," I admitted. "I was too young when…" I trailed off for a moment, but didn't need the blond to nudge me back into action.

X.x.X

The little boy, Zexion, frowned at his sister, barely four years old, although he was quite a bit smaller than the other boys is age. "Sis?"

The girl, several years Zexion's senior, glanced up at him, forcing a smile to her pretty lips. Her dark brown hair was long then, and plaited behind her in a messy braid. Her eyes, a rust color that looked like nothing else Zexion had ever known, were glassy from unshed tears. She never cried though, no matter what. The boy didn't understand it. "Yup?" Her voice didn't crack, not anymore, not so long after the worst day of her life, which hadn't been terribly long frankly, at only fourteen years.

"Why are you upset?" He was innocent. No one ever tried to explain the truth to him, not that the girl didn't want him to know at first. Quite the contrary; she thought he should understand right off the bat, but the children's father wouldn't have it. No, the teen knew he wouldn't even admit it himself. Mother was never going to come home.

"It's nothing, Zexy," The girl replied brightly, giving him a small smile. He frowned. "Really, I'm okay. I just… lost something."

"Oh," The boy said, smiling and taking her lightly tanned hand in his own. It was much smaller, and a bit paler, but he held her as if she was the one that needed protecting, not the other way around. "Well, let's go find it." He was all smiles as he dragged the girl around the tiny cottage (for it was quite a stretch to name the place a 'house'). He didn't release her hand as they toured the main room (which served as a living room, kitchen and dining room), or either of the two bedrooms (one painted a soft yellow, serving as a nursery, the other left with the dark wooden walls, their father's bedroom), or even when they squeezed into the miniscule (and rather outdated) bathroom. Only when it came time to check the second floor, the loft, the area that was hot and stuffy and served one, single purpose: to be the teenaged girl's bedroom; that Zexion released his loved sister's hand, because ladders were tricky and he still wasn't good at climbing them. He searched all over with her, for the remaining hours of daylight in the dusty family home without even knowing what it was they were looking for.

He never did know if they found it, but sunset came, and soon it was bath time. Father wasn't home yet, but that wasn't anything new. Zexion knew Daddy loved him, and that was why he was never home before bedtime. Someone had to make sure they had food and a good place to live, after all. Sis had explained it so well, so it made sense. Mommy was another story; one that never really had a good answer. It never did make proper sense to the boy.

"P-"

…

X.x.X

I swallowed harshly. "P-" I stopped my monologue there. I couldn't do it. I was such a terrible person. I wasn't Paine's Zexy anymore, and I knew Demyx would have like him better. Was that-? Was _that_ why I couldn't say her name out loud?

Demyx noted the issue almost immediately. Bless him. "It's ok, Zex." He said softly, "You don't have to name her for me. Just call her 'Sis' if that makes it easier."

X.x.X

"Sis?" The boy asked innocently, wiping suds from his brow before they could run into his eyes and start to sting. The spoken to girl slowed her movement, halfway through washing the child's unnatural-looking, but _pretty_ blue hair.

"Yup?"

"What happened to Mommy?"

She stopped completely on this. Sometimes years of practice really couldn't heal over wounds like this. "She went away," The girl replied in a soft tone, little more than a whisper. A cool evening breeze filtered in through the badly sealed window, making the small boy shiver.

"Where'd she go?"

"I'm… I'm not sure, sweetie."

"Why?"

Sis sighed. Nothing true could pass her lips right now. No way. How do you tell a four-year-old that mommy went away because she couldn't take it anymore? How do you phrase it so that the child doesn't feel like it's all their fault? How do you do it without inflicting so much pain? It couldn't be done. It was inhumane to do that to someone so sweet, so innocent. Sis stumbled over thoughts. Sure, she suffered every day with the knowledge that Mother, _her mom_ didn't love her, after all. Not enough to stay. She knew exactly what that pain was, how harshly it cut, how much she _hated_ because of it. No, it was wrong to tell the kid any of that. Father was right. She knew it. "Mommy had to go off for work. She didn't want to leave you of course, but she didn't have a choice. She has so many things she has to do, you see?" It might have been funny, in another situation, how easily that lie could pass from between those sweet, pink hued lips.

She finished the bath and put the child to bed, but of course, not before a story and a glass of milk.

Zexion was too young, too fragile to understand how hard things were for the girl back then.

X.x.X

"… She chopped all her hair off the next day," I recalled softly. "I guess she had kept it long for a while because Mom liked her with long hair. I used to wonder sometimes if she stopped wanting to be like Mom altogether after that. I wouldn't be surprised if that was it." It was hard to understand, almost, that I was here, in the present, seventeen going-on-eighteen next September, fully grown, in my kitchen with Demyx, when my mind was allowed to wander so far away from here. Another time, another feeling. Everything. I was surprised, and proud of how much I really _could_ remember, after all these years of repression and ignoring these things all together.

Demyx held his chin in his hands now, his eyes never leaving mine. Just when I was about to continue, assuming he wasn't going to speak, he squeaked in a way that made me wonder if he was breathing. "She left? Just up and went?" I sighed, but nodded. "Why?" The anger in his eyes made me nervous. Was coming clean like this okay? What if he decided my mother was right? What if my problems were too much for him too? "How could she?! Her own son! How could someone go off like that, leave a baby behind? And your sister too!" His scowl turned into a saddened frown. "I can't even imagine how much that must have hurt her… To think her mother…"

I nodded. "I think… My dad had it real bad too…" Not that I would really know. I don't remember much of him either, honestly.

Demyx sniffed and nodded. "Go on," It was hardly a whisper.

"I don't remember a whole lot about that place, honestly. I was too young, and memory is strangely like a sieve, you know?" A nod. "But then… when I was older, Dad got a new job in Junon. It was too far away for him to commute, and Sis and I were too young to stay home alone for weeks, he thought. So we were going to move.

"I was stupid." I sighed, although my voice was still even, monotonous, frighteningly sure. "I honestly believed that my mom was going to come home someday. I was scared that she would come back and not know where we were. I didn't want to leave. But somehow they convinced me that she'd know, and we were in the car… for a really long time."

X.x.X

The highway between Junon and the southern coast was long, winding and horribly maintained. It was just after dawn when tired, old (although he was much younger than he appeared) Mr. Alfred Kurisaki had buckled his two beautiful children safely into the back seat of his mangled pick-up truck. (Honestly, Sis buckled herself and Zexion in, even though she was barely awake.) He thundered down the road and out of town with the radio on low, bustling soft melodies that did nothing for the man. However, just because he was rarely home, meant nothing to demonstrate his love for his children. He knew them better than he knew himself. This, of course, was how he could tell that neither child had slept well at all the previous night. That is, if the red-tinged eyes (one set in a deep, knowing auburn hue, the other set a striking violet) hadn't been proof enough.

The girl, sixteen years of age (very nearly an adult, despite Alfred's wishes to keep her that sweet little girl forever) never slept until she was certain her brother was sleeping. It was sweet, however saddening. She was a mother hen, but she was still too young to have to do that. Mr. Kurisaki would always be proud of her.

The younger child, the boy, six years old now (my, how time had flown!) was difficult for Alfred to look at sometimes. He was the spitting image of his wife – the woman who decided she couldn't love someone like him, not when there was no money to properly treat her dying, sickly baby son. The cobalt hue of his hair, the pale, smooth skin… On a bad day, it was too much. But today was not a bad day. Today, he looked at the sleeping child in the rear-view and saw a gift, a child that had beaten the odds, even without a mother's warmth, a child that liked the color yellow, and that smiled, and that had _lived_. It wasn't hard at all to look at that child on hopeful days like this one.

The day passed slowly, and it started to rain outside of the Junon County bypass sometime near dark. Driving all day had been tiresome, but it would doubtlessly be worth it when everything was said and done. This extra money would help so much; maybe he could save some and get his daughter a car for her next birthday. That would be… lovely.

It was dark, and pouring by the time the truck huffed up to the bypass, and the visibility was terrible. Sis was fully awake, nervous, but Zexion was sleeping again, a tiny smile on his face while he dreamed of things only he would understand.

It happened before anyone could blink, let alone scream. An eighteen wheeler, coming from the opposite direction, took a curve the wrong way, went totally out of control and swerved, directly into one small, abused, pick-up truck.

X.x.X

"The truck crashed into us too fast," I murmured, hands tucked tightly around my chest, as if holding the pieces together. I could almost see Demyx across from me, although my sight had been blurred by the vivid memory. This was a day I would never, in all my life, be able to forget. Demyx's fingers twitched and I knew he wanted to reach out to hold my hands, which was exactly why I kept both of them safely tucked against my chest. No. If he was going to know me, he had to know everything, and if that was going to happen the right way, I had to get it out now. His touch would not help it come out. It would just make me more uncomfortable. After all, I knew what was coming, I knew the character flaws that are made clear by the end of this story, and when he found out…

_It would be for the better_.

Even if he left me all alone again.

"My father died instantly. There wasn't enough left of him for an open casket funeral." Demyx shuddered, but I remained unmoving. It seemed that now, once I faced it as an adult, passed the years where the very thought would shock one to tears, without the terrible aid of the nightmares to reinstate the horror, the spinning sensation, and the smell of blood… Without feeling like a child again, when speaking of it as someone my age, I had no tears for it. Nothing left. My eyes were dry, and my voice hardly faltered at all. I wondered vaguely if that disturbed Demyx as much as the story did. He was looking awfully pale. "The truck was spun around and lodged into the railing on one side. It took the medics an hour and the Jaws of Life to get me out of what was left."

But before that….

X.x.X

The shock, the spinning, the sound of scraping, bending, breaking metal, as well as a single belated scream and sharp pains _all over _woke the young Zexion from his slumber. He opened his eyes to the color red. _Red_.

He was disoriented for several moments, blinking and wondering if he was having a nightmare. But no, this wasn't a dream. Where his father and the front seat had once been was now nothing but metal… and blood. It hurt to breath, and it was dark, so the six year old child could do little but blink and try not to cry.

He had never wanted his mother so badly in his life.

A shuddering breath, pained and hollow, pulled his attention to the side. A second scream, this one higher, more hysteric, and much younger than the first rang out through the still-raining streets. Covered, soaked from her head to the seat, and even onto the floor of the car in deep red, sticky, metallic-smelling substance was Zexion's sister. Sticking into the seat, though her shuddering torso was a large, gagged piece of the vehicle they had only moments before been safe inside. Tears of pain and shock trickled down her pretty face and a thin trail of the same crimson substance trailed from the corner of her trembling mouth down her chin and neck.

She looked at Zexion seriously, a shaking, barely mobile hand closed around his smaller one and she tired to smile. It came out as a grimace due to a new wave of pain rushing through her veins. Her eyes leaked more tears as she spoke, her angel's voice not but a croak now, "Zexion? You're not hurt, are you?" She gagged on the words and choked up more blood, squeezing Zexion's hand tightly. He was crying now too. What had happened? He couldn't even begin to comprehend.

He didn't even know if he was hurt yet. There was so much blood! Sis, her hand no longer warm with life, her skin paled and chalky wherever it was not stained red, coughed again, her grip failing. Something lumpy and red was half inside her body; half on her lap and the child decided he didn't want to know what it was. It was, of course fairly obvious that it was something important. Even at six, Zexion had no choice but to understand that he was watching the person who raised him die.

"Ze-ze…" She gagged, sighing out a shaky final breath. Her bright eyes faded and glossed over… Empty… Very obviously dead.

A third scream, this one jagged and taking the form of a name filled the night air, although no one knew, for it was drowned out by the screaming sirens of the ambulance.

X.x.X

Demyx gasped, his eyes distant and horrified, his face as pale as mine, his hands shaking in a horrible way. He chocked on words for a moment, but soon gave up a nodded for me to continue. This was… getting harder. My voice was no longer empty and frank. Now, it cracked every now and again, and I found myself longing for the warmth of Demyx's hand. But no. Not yet. (Maybe not ever again… if he-)

I nodded gruffly and continued.

X.x.X

Zexion wouldn't – no he _couldn't_ release that little thing, his sister's hand. It was cold by now, she was totally gone. There was no hope for the girl anymore, but the young child might still survive, if he was treated immediately. He screamed and cried and lost all sense when they removed him from the rubble of the truck. He was hysterical and fought the rescuers when they took him from the girl's deceased sights. Something was cutting into his palm, but he refused to let it go. It was some sort of shell, someone noted. The boy was quickly sedated and the dangerous item was taken away.

Three broken ribs, countless cuts and burns, severe shock and whiplash, and a totally demolished upper right leg aside, it was agreed by all present that the small boy had lived miraculously. Everyone else involved in the accident had been pronounced 'dead' before even leaving the site. His slow, gradual, but full recovery was amazing to the nurses that took care of him.

Zexion, however, felt little more than the pain at first. His body ached for weeks, then the reconstructive surgeries on his leg (there had been three) followed by physical therapy that had been torturous, _then_ there was the ribs to worry about. And all that was _before_ one could even consider the emotional trauma. The child cried, always, until he had no tears left, and the physiatrist that had been paid to see him daily could only say one thing for the child: He wanted his family. He cried for Daddy and Sis endlessly, but when he was calm, when he was awake and un-drugged _and_ consolable, he spoke of nothing but his mommy, and how she would come for him any day now.

_Any day now._

Zexion wanted his beloved toy, Bunny ceaselessly at first, but he had been told that it had been ruined in the crash. He didn't doubt those who said it. It had probably soaked up all that blood…

It was alright, he told himself. Mommy would come and it would all be okay.

Days turned to weeks. Weeks turned to months.

_Any day now._

Soon, Zexion was recovered almost completely, and able to leave the treatment center. He had no family on record that could be found so what to do with the child became a concern. The physiatrist, himself took the boy for a while, and then he was moved swiftly into a foster program. He was reluctant at best, impossible on bad days, crying that he couldn't go away, Mommy wouldn't know where to find him!

_Any day now._

He was barely eight years old when he matured, realized mommy was _never_ coming. It was then that he stopped speaking all together.

It was scarcely noticed at first. The boy had been shy from the start, fearful and weak. He was often ill, due to his horrible immune system. Because of this, he was normally schooled at 'home'. It wasn't until his first flashback that the problem was properly registered.

Eight years old, living with the same family he had known since he was released from the hospital, Zexion was finally healthy enough, enough of the time to go to the local elementary school. The family's biological daughter, roughly the same age as the troubled child, was going to take care of him for his first day. She held his hand, introduced him to her friends, took care of him all day, and everything was perfect. After a few weeks of this, some seats in the classroom were moved around. This was routine. The teacher liked the children to all know one another well.

Zexion's chair was red.

It was a violent memory, hitting him with as much force as the accident, itself had. He screamed and fell, cried, swung out wildly, tried to escape the arms of anyone that tried to touch him.

He gave the little girl a black eye.

He was soon placed in another home, and never saw the nice little family again. They never tried to see him. They left him alone.

And then another new home. It seemed everything the child touched was cursed. No home was safe. Nothing was right. It wasn't until he was placed with a young couple in the country that he had his next flashback. He was almost hit by a car in the frenzy to escape the woman's grasp at a festival celebrating the local fire department.

They sent him away too, but this time, it was to an asylum. Nine years old, and he was locked away, in a little blue room, in a little white building, with a little too much cleaning fluid in the air.

He never met people's eyes. He never spoke. For years, he floated around this way, not real, not there. And sometimes he was spoken to by the other children. Sometimes they were scared of him because he never talked back. He was alone a lot.

Then, sometime near Zexion's fourteenth birthday, an old man came to see him. He talked about 'home' about going away from the little white building and the little blue room. Zexion was smart, the man had reasoned, too smart to stay here forever. The man's name was Ansem, so Zexion had been told. It was a good idea, as he had grown tired of the little blue room, and the too-nice-but-never-really-meaning-it nurses. He was sick of the meager reading lists, the simple school. He was bored with being 'insane', with never seeing the real world. He was afraid too, of course. He was alone, _all alone_, much too frequently already. What would happen if he was left alone on the outside?

In the end, he agreed, and it was not long after that when he was released. He still had to visit a physiatrist weekly, and take a daily medication for his flashbacks, for anxiety, for whatever-it-was they thought was wrong with him now. For a while, he was relatively okay, comparatively speaking. Ansem was a good man, and he taught Zexion a lot. He even helped the boy to lessen his medication intake legally.

Just when the young teen was beginning to think that he could be normal for this man, Ansem had a heart attack in the dead of the night. The doctors couldn't revive him. Zexion was alone again.

Back in a fostering program, Zexion floated between households and families for the remainder of his childhood, staying far, far away from everyone whenever possible. Eventually, although he had a foster family that came to see him daily, he became emancipated and found an apartment in Modeoheim City. He worked there, went to the local high school, and stopped taking medications all together. He was silent, brilliant and very scarcely known.

X.x.X

I was standing now, pacing back and forth in the kitchen, too shaky to sit still any longer.

Demyx sat on the kitchen table, jean-clad legs swinging absently while he listened with the utmost concentration. "That's when Ava came in?" He asked quietly, unshed tears that I ignored shining in his gorgeous eyes.

I nodded, but didn't face him. Back, forth. Back, forth. Remember to breathe. This was the part I had been dreading. This was the part where Demyx would get overworked by how horrible I was, how cursed, and he would run for it. He would go _so_ far away and never come back. Eventually, he would forget me completely. But I- I wouldn't wait for him like I had for my mother. I would know right away, the moment he left me that he wasn't coming back. Ever again. There would never come a moment in my life where I would fool myself into believing that he would love me and remember me and come back to get me. I was older, and smarter than that now.

I was accepting of it. It was fact. No one could take what was left of me and make a functioning human being. Especially not after what was seconds away now. I understood. It wasn't Demyx's fault.

So _why_ did it make my chest burn so?

I heard the shuffle of shoes against the laminate floor and I knew Demyx was on his feet. I suppressed the urge to scream and tried not to pace faster. Don't look at him, Zexion. Just keep going. Keep going. It's easier this way. (Bullshit!) It's going to be okay. (No, no it won't…) It will be for the better. It will be for the better. _It will be for the better._

I couldn't help but gasp when my path was intersected by a purple t-shirt and the solid chest of its inhabitant. Demyx's arms wrapped around my torso tightly, his face nuzzled into the crook of my neck and suddenly, bizarrely, he began to sob. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end, my eyes widened of their own accord and my arms hung uselessly at my sides. Still, Demyx held fast, clinging to me as if this were our last embrace (Oh, that's right. It probably is…) crying into the fabric of my midnight blue turtleneck. We stood this way for a long time, and I marveled at his compassion. Did he really want to comfort me before he went away?

It wasn't until he looked up at me with puffy eyes that a second option occurred to me. What if – and it was a sin to think he'd still want me now, even with what a wonderful person he is, but – what if he wasn't crying because he was so sickened by me? What if he was crying _for _me? Was it possible to think he might be crying the tears I could not? That he loved me so much he would even take the burden of being sad, of mourning, of _crying_ off of my shoulders? Was it even possible for a human being to be _that_ much of a saint?

I wasn't sure I could believe it, but if it was possible to be that way, Demyx would doubtlessly be the one to prove it.

"I'm so sorry," He said softly, still clutching to me like nothing else. My heart sank. I delicately removed his arms from my torso, not really surprised by how little fight he put up for it. How silly of me! I had hoped. I had hoped and not caught myself before it was too late. I should never have spoken to Demyx at all, I knew, but somehow… I couldn't make myself regret it. Not with the way he sniffed and cupped my face tenderly, giving me a watery smile. "How did you keep it inside for so long, Zexion?" he wondered. I tried not to ruin this last moment with a frown. I must have failed horrendously, because the blonde's smile vanished almost immediately and he pulled away.

Seconds ticked by before he spoke again, and this time, I was sure it was going to be the 'goodbye'. I was rearing and ready to flinch at the words, but… They weren't what I was expecting. "I'm so proud of you. I really hope you feel better now, Zexy." He was rather beautiful when he looked at me like that… "I have something I want to give you," he murmured then. I stared. Give me? What? Why? _How_? He gestured for me to close my eyes, which I did without argument. I could hear the rustling of fabric and then I felt his warm hands doing something around my neck. The moment was painfully long and I held my breath. Was it a trick of some sort?

No. Not from Demyx. He wouldn't to that to me. I knew him better than that. Suddenly, his hands were gone from my neck, and there was a mild, almost nonexistent weight there instead. "Okay!" He exclaimed, suddenly chipper and happy. I smiled despite myself; it was just like him. "Open your eyes."

When I did, it took me quite some time to figure out exactly what had changed. Demyx was still wearing exactly the same t-shirt as before, but he grinned and stared directly into my eyes, as if he had just solved the most complicated equation ever written. My hands wandered to my neck where I found a narrow chain. Following the chain down to my chest, I gasped, my eyes popping back up to lock with the teen's own before me.

"Your necklace!" I breathed, rubbing it absently between my fingers.

There was the smug grin. "Yup."

"I can't take this, it's yours."

The grin morphed to a smile, softer and more private. "It sure is," He murmured, leaning closer to me. I could smell the sugared coffee on his sweet breath, as well as the salt from his now-dried tears. "And it means a lot to me. You'd better make sure you take good care of it." He winked, and I could only stare. "You do remember what it means, right?"

"Of course," I tried to sound calm, but my voice shook uneasily. Was he really going to stay? Would he really keep me, knowing how he now did who I was?

Both of his hands came to cup my cheeks, and he stared into my eyes and through them, into my soul the way I was still rather afraid of. "You're never alone anymore, Zexion," He whispered. "Even when I'm not right there, holding you," He laughed lightly, "Although I doubt I'll ever be able to let you go now," Serious again, "You know you're not all alone, because that's there to remind you of me. Right?"

Never alone. Never again. He knew. He had listened, to everything I had said, and some things I hadn't, and come to see the real problem. He knew how to fix me, and he was going to do it. Now. I traced the pattern on the little silver heart. It was his. And he had given it to me. To keep. I smiled a little.

I'll never be alone again? That thought… I never even considered it. I figured it was impossible for someone like me. But then again… There were absolutely no lies in those big, round, green/hazel hued eyes. For the first time in what felt very much like years I hugged him back, tightly, burrowing my face into his neck, and felt him shiver and laugh.

Was that… a weight lifting off of my shoulders? Or was I dying? I wasn't sure, but Demyx was there, so it must be alright. Demyx just made things better like that.

X.x.X.x.X

Fast update and a longer chapter! YAY! (Are you forgiving me for the long wait now???) –ish hopeful-

I'm starting to worry that I've overrated this story. It's not acting much like an 'M' rated story, is it? Should it be 'T'? … -shrugs-

I'M SO HAPPY! I seriously couldn't wait to write this chapter, and I'm really rather happy with how it came out. Zexion's past has been haunting me for months. It's so nice to have it out in the open. It's odd for me, because with fanfictions I normally don't like the story at all anymore by the time I get to the chapter that's been nagging at me forever. I seriously think it's all the wonderful reviews, alerts and faves that have kept me going. We're in the final stretch, now kids! There's really only three or four planned chapters left (which is flexible because of how long winded I am when writing).

Reviewers! **LiteraryMirage**, **Akilina-chan**, **MuffenPirate**, **pride1289**, **Ainulin**, **LawlietxRinoa**, **purewhiteshadow**, **foreverxXxsamexXx** (who gets endless love and affection for not only reading and reviewing ever chapter in a marathon, but for drawing an adorable fanart for me as well! Thanks, love!), and **My-Emo-Sunshine**. Thanks so much, my friends!


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